# I got your Merkins right here!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [June 20, 2002, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013 "2002-06-20T04:48:25Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/1 "2002-06-20T04:48:25Z")
I know, I know, it is supposed to be cute. Possibly a variant of Murican or a play on the funny way that we talk or some such. However, the literal definition of that particular word is **a pubic hair wig!**
I have seen this term coming up in a few threads that have been having a frank exchange of ideas about the relative merits and problems with Citizens of the United States.
It actually has the feel of some sort of a slur, or a pejorative term. I respectfully suggest that this would not be tolerated if directed towards some other culture.
Guess I’m just being a thin skinned Merkin. 🙂
---
### Author:  [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/2 "2002-06-20T05:06:04Z")
It wouldn’t make sense if it were directed towards some other culture. Why would somebody refer to, say, French people as “Merkins”?
And, dang, here I thought you were gonna have some links to where you can buy merkins.
If you put “merkins for sale” into Google, nothing useful comes up, except for Unc’s [column](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_232.html)on them.
If you Ask Jeeves, “where can I buy a merkin?” he’ll tell you, “You can find anything at E-Bay!” And when E-Bay asks you, “What are you looking for?” if you tell it, “merkins”, it tells you that it has “Zero” items.
---
### Author:  [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/3 "2002-06-20T05:26:02Z")
Binarydrone
> [@](#):
>
> I know, I know, it is supposed to be cute. Possibly a variant of Murican or a play on the funny way that we talk or some such. However, the literal definition of that particular word is a **pubic hair wig**!
I don’t know which is more fucked up, the fact that people would call Americans that or the fact that such a thing as a pubic hair wig exists and that there is a market for those.
How do you use one?
Why would you use one?
_stumbles off in a state of confusion to bed and a beer._
---
### Author:  [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/4 "2002-06-20T05:29:33Z")
I thought it was an Aussie thing. Just a reflection of the way we pronounce “American”. Nothing personal. You can call me me an “Ahhzee” if you want. 🙂
---
### Author:  [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/5 "2002-06-20T05:30:41Z")
Given how obscure this term is, and given how 99.9999 percent of the people using that word (including me) had no idea it had another meaning, I would say your skin is wafer thin!
What are you going to do when the aliens finally land and you find out “American” means “wanker” in Martian?
Besides, any country that names their President after a woman’s pubic hair…
😉
---
### Author:  [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/6 "2002-06-20T05:30:50Z")
IIRC, merkins were popular long long ago, when body lice were a considerable problem. Sexually active folks who were afflicted with them often took to shaving their parts, but didn’t want their casual partners to know they were hosting blood-sucking parasites, so they’d buy these cute little wigs for show.
After all, it’s kinda hard to do a combover with yer ass hairs.
---
### Author:  [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/7 "2002-06-20T05:31:10Z")
Sigh. Try [here](http://www.wilshirewigs.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=wigs&Product_Code=xs89) if you just gotta buy one. :eek:
They also have [other hair](http://www.wilshirewigs.com/pagedocs/accessories/face.html) if you need it.
---
### Author:  [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/8 "2002-06-20T05:42:50Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*\* istara said…\*\*
> What are you going to do when the aliens finally land and you find out “American” means “wanker” in Martian?
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
> [@](#):
>
> \*\* ricepad said…\*\*
> IIRC, merkins were popular long long ago, when body lice were a considerable problem. Sexually active folks who were afflicted with them often took to shaving their parts, but didn’t want their casual partners to know they were hosting blood-sucking parasites, so they’d buy these cute little wigs for show.
I believe that they were also used to cover seeping VD sores (insert pukie smile here!)
---
### Author:  [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/9 "2002-06-20T05:44:52Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by ricepad \*
> \*\*IIRC, merkins were popular long long ago, when body lice were a considerable problem. Sexually active folks who were afflicted with them often took to shaving their parts, but didn’t want their casual partners to know they were hosting blood-sucking parasites, so they’d buy these cute little wigs for show.
>
> After all, it’s kinda hard to do a combover with yer ass hairs. \*\*
Jesus, this is exactly the kind of thing you’d know.
Welcome back, I’ve missed yer hairless yet sexy ass.
---
### Author:  [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/10 "2002-06-20T05:53:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan \*
> \*\*
>
> Jesus, this is exactly the kind of thing you’d know. \*\*
I like to be predictable…but I prefer to think of myself as reliable.
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> Welcome back, I’ve missed yer hairless yet sexy ass. \*\*
You’ve missed it only on account o’ yer radio silence…you still sportin’ straight ones?
---
### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/11 "2002-06-20T06:08:59Z")
Now, the story I heard was that the “merkin” was a device of theatrical costuming, that is, someone could not be actually naked, but might appear in something like a body stocking with a merkin attached in the strategic spot.
(Suddenly, with creeping horror I realize: I have not consulted the Archives!! I am under threat of sneering Cecilian disdain! Perhaps if I just slink away, [sup]very quietly[/sup]
---
### Author:  [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/12 "2002-06-20T06:11:02Z")
IIRC, the US president in _Dr. Strangelove_ was named **Merkin Muffley**!
---
### Author:  [@heresiarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heresiarch)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/13 "2002-06-20T06:24:27Z")
If “Yurpeen” is acceptable, then I suppose that “Merkin” is OK with me.
---
### Author:  [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/14 "2002-06-20T06:32:23Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Binarydrone \*
> \*\*I know, I know, it is supposed to be cute. Possibly a variant of Murican or a play on the funny way that we talk or some such. However, the literal definition of that particular word is **a pubic hair wig!** \*\*
Well, I might have used it - not sure - and I apologise if it upset you.
What it is intended to be really is somehow a joke about the fact that the _Discword_ author, **Terry Pratchett** uses the word, always saying “do **not** look up this word in a dictionary”. Now, her knows that people will do exactly that, so I think the amusement is really in the fact of people rushing to the dictionary and becoming thouroughly flummoxed by the mere notion of a pubic wig.
Heck, is this making _any_ sense so far? (Sorry - no sleep) Oh dear, I think that might be the best I can do. However, I think my rather clumsy explanation _does_ cover it, really. After all, if I wanted to start being racist and rude, I’d want to be clearly understood too, so would not need to use deliberately recondite words.
Hell, I am getting really tangled up here! 🙂 Anyway, I am rather glad you started this thread, as we now get some suggestions as to why such a thing was ever invented.
Your relative thin-skinnedness has served the purpose of fighting ignorance! Rejoice!
🙂
---
### Author:  [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/15 "2002-06-20T06:37:59Z")
Props to Dr. Rieux!! Every character in that film (my personal pick for #1 alltime) had a sex-charged name. Since President Merkin Muffley was supposed to represent the more level-headed Adlei Stevenson type, it is appropriate that his name represent a falsified sexual characteristic.
“I need to place an emergency person-to-person call to President Merkin Muffley at the Pentagon, DC…that’s right the President…damn I haven’t got enough change!!”
---
### Author:  [@A\_wizard\_song\_for\_thee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_wizard_song_for_thee)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/16 "2002-06-20T06:49:45Z")
Ooookay, maybe I shouldn’t have followed the link that **Binarydrone** gave us, but I did, and I figure others did, too. So, um, did the hair seem kinda… long to anyone? I hesitate to use a term like “pubic 'fro,” and perhaps I won’t, but the donor (100% Human Hair!) must have been very well-endowed in regions Down South. Either that, or I am hanging out at the wrong parties…
Anyway, to make this relatively on topic, every time someone, in the wake of 9/11, spouted that they were “Proud to be a Merkin,” it brought an amused grin to my face. Personally, I like the term. I think it says a lot about our country…
---
### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/17 "2002-06-20T07:10:18Z")
“Merkin Muffley”
Terry Southern is dead. Alas.
---
### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/18 "2002-06-20T07:52:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by Duck Duck Goose_
> **If you Ask Jeeves, “where can I buy a merkin?” he’ll tell you, “You can find anything at E-Bay!” And when E-Bay asks you, “What are you looking for?” if you tell it, “merkins”, it tells you that it has “Zero” items.**
Be thankful for that; you wouldn’t really want a second-hand one would you?
---
### Author:  [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/19 "2002-06-20T08:01:43Z")
Okay, I think I should know the answer to this…how do you attach said hair and what’s to prevent the girlie’s partner from inadvertently wearing it himself (a la Abraham Lincoln) after a little tongue-lashing down below ?
---
### Author:  [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)
#### Post date: [June 20, 2002, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013/20 "2002-06-20T08:12:22Z")
hell, you whinged when we called you **Yanks** , you whinge when we call you **Merkins** , what do you WANT us to call you? 🙂
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-got-your-merkins-right-here/115013.md?page=2)