# I had a first date last night and have a question **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 17, 2016, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168 "2016-07-17T23:48:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2016, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/21 "2016-07-18T16:20:35Z")
If she knew how insecure that you are, I’d say “no”. But if you hid it well, then there is a high probability of a “yes”. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2016, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/22 "2016-07-18T16:20:37Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > That sounds like a good idea but I was getting this mixed signal and wasn’t sure > when she was telling me the new places I should try. She wasn’t saying WE SHOULD but instead saying I SHOULD lol You must be really new at this whole dating thing! When your date is suggesting new things to do or places to go, it is a not very veiled invitation for\*\* you to ask her \*\*if she would like to go there with you. She is not going to boldly suggest that you both should go, not on the first date anyway, the ball is now in your court. She: “There is a really cool museum across town that I think you would be interested in.” You: “Well, do you want to go there next time and show it to me?” You now have a second date. You have to learn to read women like a book. A book written backwards and upside down in a language that you can’t make any sense of. Mixed signals is the whole point. If you think that women are ever going to tell you clearly and directly what they want and what you are supposed to do about it, well good luck with that novel idea! Not even after you are married, especially not then. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2016, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/23 "2016-07-18T16:55:17Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I’m going to go ahead and say no. If she really liked you that much, you would be at her place, not texting. It sounds like she probably had an ok time. But that’s about it. Maybe I’m old fashioned at 41, but does everyone put out on a first date? All my successful relationships (including my wife) took at least a couple dates before they even got to that point. The fact she didn’t go home with him or vice versa on an initial date says little about her interest in him. Not everyone, men and women, like going that quickly. ---
**Author:** ![edwards\_beard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@edwards\_beard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwards_beard)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2016, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/24 "2016-07-18T17:12:19Z")
Don’t call her…direct her to this thread and have her respond here. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2016, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/25 "2016-07-18T17:20:27Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Maybe I’m old fashioned at 41, but does everyone put out on a first date? I do, and I’m a 58 year old dude. Guess I’m a slut.☹ ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2016, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/26 "2016-07-18T17:28:46Z")
How old are you and what sort of dating experience do you have? It sounds like you may be overthinking things, which is generally not conducive to a happy dating life. People are often irrational and unpredictable and cannot be solved with a flowchart. If you want to go out with her again, ask her and see what she says. If she is hesitant or doesn’t respond, take it in stride. Please don’t take this personally, but I get the sense that you might become fixated on her if she’s not interested. That is usually a bad way to handle it. If she’s not interested, it’s best to leave on a high note in case she ever changes her mind, or maybe she has a friend who she thinks would be a better match. But from what you wrote, I think it will go well. It sounds like she’s interested. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2016, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/27 "2016-07-18T17:29:36Z")
My take on this is a lot like Dallas Jones’ - when she said “you should go” that wasn’t an implication that you should go alone. It was probably meant as an opportunity for you to say “Would you like to go together?” and then set up the second date before the night is over. One other thing: my impression of modern dating practices is that not kissing at the end of the date is probably a bad sign. I wouldn’t let the second date go by without at least making the attempt. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2016, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/28 "2016-07-18T17:37:00Z")
What does it matter? Ask. If she says “no,” you’re not worse off. People fear rejection. But if life has taught me anything, it’s that you should _embrace_ rejection. It’s the only way you’ll ever succeed. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2016, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/29 "2016-07-18T18:26:49Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > My take on this is a lot like Dallas Jones’ - when she said “you should go” that wasn’t an implication that you should go alone. It was probably meant as an opportunity for you to say “Would you like to go together?” and then set up the second date before the night is over. > > One other thing: my impression of modern dating practices is that not kissing at the end of the date is probably a bad sign. I wouldn’t let the second date go by without at least making the attempt. Yeah she sent another text day saying I should check out this other mexican restaurant. I will say that women don’t normally Communicate with me like that after a first date so that’s why I was like…“she want me to check it out alone?” Lol ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2016, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/30 "2016-07-18T18:45:48Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I do, and I’m a 58 year old dude. > > Guess I’m a slut.☹ I’m sure plenty do (hell, I have), that’s not the point. The point is just because someone doesn’t does not mean they’re not interested in you. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2016, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/31 "2016-07-18T19:50:35Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > Yeah she sent another text day saying I should check out this other mexican restaurant. I will say that women don’t normally Communicate with me like that after a first date so that’s why I was like…“she want me to check it out alone?” Lol Invite her to dinner there. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/32 "2016-07-19T01:05:37Z")
> [@](#): > > Maybe I’m old fashioned at 41, but does everyone put out on a first date? No, the usual number is three. The fact that you hugged rather than kissed isn’t a good sign. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/33 "2016-07-19T01:10:29Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > No, the usual number is three. The fact that you hugged rather than kissed isn’t a good sign. I’m kind of shy and takes a couple of dates ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/34 "2016-07-19T01:31:48Z")
Sometimes I think the whole dating ritual needs a reboot. Ambiguity messes people up too easily. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/35 "2016-07-19T01:47:45Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > No, the usual number is three. The fact that you hugged rather than kissed isn’t a good sign. I personally don’t think it’s a big deal–really depends on the individuals involved. Never was an issue for me. ---
**Author:** ![Buttercup\_Smith](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buttercup_smith/32/473_2.png) [@Buttercup\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buttercup_Smith)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/36 "2016-07-19T02:30:58Z")
Ask her to go to the restaurant she suggested. Get a nice bottle of wine and relax! Let her order for you. And relax. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/37 "2016-07-19T03:13:02Z")
> [@Buttercup\_Smith](#): > > Ask her to go to the restaurant she suggested. Yes–to me it seems pretty clear that she’s lobbing you a softball for the next date. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/38 "2016-07-19T03:17:10Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Yes–to me it seems pretty clear that she’s lobbing you a softball for the next date. This doesn’t normally happen which is why it threw me off. The past successful 1st dates lead to phone calls and discussions of next meet up Not her indirectly letting me know she wants to see me again ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/39 "2016-07-19T03:50:42Z")
Sounds like lots of positive signs. You must be feeling great right now. Calling and asking out again the very next day might be perceived as a little too keen but it depends on the individuals concerned. I don’t want you to second-guess yourself, just saying if you think that you _must_ call the next day, you do not. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/40 "2016-07-19T03:55:10Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > Sounds like lots of positive signs. You must be feeling great right now. > > Calling and asking out again the very next day might be perceived as a little too keen but it depends on the individuals concerned. > I don’t want you to second-guess yourself, just saying if you think that you _must_ call the next day, you do not. Just texting so far. text on sunday after the date and a text this morning [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168.md?page=3)