# I had a first date last night and have a question **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 17, 2016, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168 "2016-07-17T23:48:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/41 "2016-07-19T04:54:24Z")
Yep, sounds unambiguous to call or text “Thanks for the Mexican restaurant suggestion, would you like to go there with me?” or something to that effect. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/42 "2016-07-19T05:29:35Z")
Whatevery you do, don’t txt back and thank for for the suggestion and say that you’re taking your wife. Simple tricks make the difference. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/43 "2016-07-19T05:56:54Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > Yeah she sent another text day saying I should check out this other mexican restaurant. Before you end up in the friend zone, I’d take the next “you should check out \_\_\_\_” suggestion and reply with “That sounds really good, we should go there for dinner this week” and see what happens. When I’m trying to set up a date with someone…someone that I’m interesting in dating and not [just] being friends with (and I’m plenty shy too) it’s okay to say something like that at the risk of her not replying or turning you down. You risk losing nothing and gaining a second date. If she’s trying to get you to ask her out, that’s your key. If it’s just friendly banter and she’s not that really interested, it’s better to cut her loose than do the friend zone thing, that’s never fun for anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/44 "2016-07-19T15:09:04Z")
If you **are** really shy, SDMB ain’t gonna un-shy you. What you do is **leverage** your shyness. How? Come right out and tell her that it is she that makes you feel like a bashful school boy, and tell her that’s a huge compliment. “Girl, you had me feeling like a bashful school boy, which is a huge compliment.” Then you proceed to ask her out for the next date. You get to continue on somewhat naturally shy AND yet she perceives that you’ve overcome it and asked her out (which is endearing). She also feels empowered, as you are so attracted to her she intimidates you a bit. Win, Win, Win. It’s much easier to leverage who you really are, instead of pretending you can change overnight. And, since your shyness will fade as you spend time together, you’re not changing as much as developing a healthy relationship that didn’t die at “I’m shy.” Go forth. ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Billy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Me\_Billy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Billy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/45 "2016-07-19T16:48:07Z")
Some advice from an older guy… 1. Tell her you are going to medical school. 2. Tell her you want to marry her and have LOTS of kids. 3. Tell her you love going “shopping” and spending lots of money on clothes for her. She will be all over you!\* \*The above is based on female research. I once drove a van pool van which was filled with women. We talked about everything on our 2 hour commutes to work and back each day. One day I mentioned there are 3 ways to a man’s heart - asked what are the 3 ways to a woman’s heart? Two women blurted out MONEY! Another blurted out CREDIT CARDS! A couple of others said CASH! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/46 "2016-07-19T16:50:45Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > she is not that type of woman Then you should look for that type of woman.😃 ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/47 "2016-07-19T16:56:58Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Maybe I’m old fashioned at 41, but does everyone put out on a first date? All my successful relationships (including my wife) took at least a couple dates before they even got to that point. The fact she didn’t go home with him or vice versa on an initial date says little about her interest in him. Not everyone, men and women, like going that quickly. I’m not saying she needs to blow him in the restaurant’s bathroom or anything. But for a couple of grown adults, I would expect at least some making out, maybe even “second base” action on a first date that goes well. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/48 "2016-07-19T16:57:32Z")
> [@Me\_Billy](#): > > Some advice from an older guy… > > 1. Tell her you are going to medical school. > 2. Tell her you want to marry her and have LOTS of kids. > 3. Tell her you love going “shopping” and spending lots of money on clothes for her. > > She will be all over you!\* > > \*The above is based on female research. I once drove a van pool van which was filled with women. We talked about everything on our 2 hour commutes to work and back each day. One day I mentioned there are 3 ways to a man’s heart - asked what are the 3 ways to a woman’s heart? > > Two women blurted out MONEY! > Another blurted out CREDIT CARDS! > A couple of others said CASH! I do have a financial slavery fetish but I won’t reveal it just yet. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/49 "2016-07-19T17:18:34Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I’m not saying she needs to blow him in the restaurant’s bathroom or anything. But for a couple of grown adults, I would expect at least some making out, maybe even “second base” action on a first date that goes well. Like I said, everyone is different. I wouldn’t read into it. I generally don’t like kissing on a first date (I waited until the third for my wife, but it escalated rapidly.) I’m not prudish or religious or anything like that. Some people like getting it on right away; others find it weirdly intimate for something like a first date. I don’t find it at all a sign that just because there was no physical contact beyond a hug on the first date that the other person isn’t interested. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/50 "2016-07-19T19:44:51Z")
> [@](#): > > But for a couple of grown adults, I would expect at least some making out, maybe even “second base” action on a first date that goes well. really? I’d be completely repulsed by someone who wanted to do that on a first date unless I had known them quite well beforehand. First date is breaking the ice and seeing if you have anything at all in common. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/51 "2016-07-19T19:47:37Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > First date is breaking the ice and seeing if you have anything at all in common. I agree, but I’ve been on first dates where what we had in common was being extremely horny and physically attracted to each other. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/52 "2016-07-19T19:53:38Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > Yeah she sent another text day saying I should check out this other mexican restaurant. I will say that women don’t normally Communicate with me like that after a first date so that’s why I was like…“she want me to check it out alone?” Lol Well, go to the restaurant and then text her telling her what you think of it! ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2016, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/53 "2016-07-19T20:15:20Z")
Whatever you do, don’t slingshot a whole watermelon through her window ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/54 "2016-07-20T01:39:44Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > So when I call tomorrow to ask her out again do you think she will accept based on those texts last night? So, what’s the word? Personally, I’m pulling for you. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/55 "2016-07-20T01:43:51Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > So, what’s the word? > > Personally, I’m pulling for you. I decided to call tomorrow. just want to relax tonight I hate that men has to do all the work in dating initiate contact plan the date ask her out on a date pay for the date make the first move on the date :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/56 "2016-07-20T01:47:28Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > I decided to call tomorrow. just want to relax tonight > > I hate that men has to do all the work in dating > > initiate contact > plan the date > ask her out on a date > pay for the date > make the first move on the date > > :smack: heh. I often make the first move in online dating. I ask for the date and pay for it. YMMV ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/57 "2016-07-20T02:26:49Z")
I hate that I keep making the same mistake which is not creating a opportunity for us to touch each other I was the idiot who recommended we sit in the booth and directly across from each other like it was a job interview:smack: Still a lot of summer left for me to get this right ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/58 "2016-07-20T03:05:39Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > I decided to call tomorrow. just want to relax tonight > > I hate that men has to do all the work in dating > > initiate contact > plan the date > ask her out on a date > pay for the date > make the first move on the date > > :smack: She already did half the work for you. Ask her if she wants to go the restaurant she suggested for gods sake. Don’t hem and haw. Pick a day and time and ask her to to do it with you. It couldn’t be more simple and the longer you wait, the worse your chances get. The bookies on the Vegas lines are getting really antsy. We liked your chances in the beginning but you are blowing it. I really don’t like losing money on the inside line and some of the boys from tthe city don’t either if you catch my drift. I don’t give a fuck if you are shy or not, just pick up the phone and ask. Send a text with explicit plans if that is too much for you. Even considering the remote idea that you may get turned down, it will be an educational experience. I had to learn it as well just like every other guy did. We don’t really care about your opinions about the way you wish things worked. You have to learn to operate in reality. Give us an update in the next 24 hours to let us know how it worked out. She lobbed you several softballs and you refuse to even swing. That is pathetic. If you don’t do it, I promise you I will keep filling up this thread with really bad analogies until you relent. Remember, we are all counting on you. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/59 "2016-07-20T03:54:42Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > I hate that men has to do all the work in dating > > initiate contact > plan the date > ask her out on a date > pay for the date > make the first move on the date None of those things should be particularly onerous though. If approach and dinner dates are too high pressure for you, you may want to experiment for a while with is-it-a-date? dates…e.g. “I thought I’d try indoor climbing tomorrow, do you want to come?” Of course the friend zone is a possible result, but if you just do casual invites like this with new people for a while it’s a good way to pick up confidence and experience. Just something to consider if this doesn’t end up being The One. > [@](#): > > Still a lot of summer left for me to get this right Yep, as long as “get this right” doesn’t mean perfection. Some guys get themselves into a mentality of thinking if they say or do something dumb then they’re still really bad at this, and they’re broken and need to be “fixed” in some way, yadda yadda. A better attitude is to learn the lessons and improve your socializing skill, while accepting things will never go perfectly. …which may be applicable advice to you, or it may seem like a “where did that come from” tangent, but anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/60 "2016-07-20T05:36:22Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > I hate that I keep making the same mistake which is not creating a opportunity for us to touch each other IME, that’s just how first dates go. Unless you’ve already been handsy with each other before you walk in, if you sit next to each other, it’s a lot harder to talk. It’s generally awkward to make eye contact from 8 inches away. The exception being if you’re sitting at a bar. I can’t believe it took me all these years to realize that since I drive stick my hand can brush up against her leg every few seconds, the question is, does she say ‘oops, sorry’ and adjust the way she’s sitting so I stop bumping into her each time I change gears or does she leave her leg right where it is knowing exactly what’s going to happen. The funny thing is, I don’t even thing about it the first time. I’m usually alone in the car so my hand sort of flops over the stick, it catches me off guard when it lands on someone’s knee (moreso when it’s not a date, just a friend in the car). Oh and another thing, I try to keep in mind the name of a bar or something a block or two away. Just close enough that you can walk there and back. If the dinner ends early enough you can say 'if you’re up for it, we could go over to \_\_\_\_\_\_, it’s just over on the next block". Sometimes it’s not the bar/drinking that’s important, it’s the 5 minute walk there and the 5 minute walk back. And even more important is her reaction. A simple “no thanks” means it’s over. An enthusiastic ‘yes’ or even ‘I’d love to but \_\_\_\_\_\_, let’s go there next time’ are good. Basically, when I’m out on a date with someone, I ask myself if I want to keep the night going. If you invite her out to a drink after dinner, does it seem like she wants to keep the night going as well (even if she has to get going, does it seem like she’d rather stay out)? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168.md?page=4)