# I had a first date last night and have a question **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 17, 2016, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168 "2016-07-17T23:48:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/81 "2016-07-20T21:01:13Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > So what if it’s a situation if I asked her out and she says yes but I am the one who is always initiating contact? Do I continue to go out with her? Last summer I had a situation where she agreed to go out with me twice after the date but I was always the one calling first or texting first. > that’s not how things should be if it’s mutual interest right? Dude, **YES MEANS YES!** You gave up on someone who agreed to go out with you three times because you had to do the asking? There’s an old saying, “What do you want, an engraved invitation?” ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/82 "2016-07-20T21:04:46Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > So what if it’s a situation if I asked her out and she says yes but I am the one who is always initiating contact? Do I continue to go out with her? Last summer I had a situation where she agreed to go out with me twice after the date but I was always the one calling first or texting first. > > that’s not how things should be if it’s mutual interest right? I wouldn’t let this get in your way at the beginning of a relationship. People are raised in different ways and have different approaches to this kind of thing. Besides which, we’re all pretty sure that the girl we’re talking about in the current thread told you where she wanted to be taken. It was just up to you to pick a time and ask her. That’s pretty much mutual, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/83 "2016-07-20T21:26:06Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > we’re all pretty sure that the girl we’re talking about in the current thread told you where she wanted to be taken. In the _[bleep](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-qc-ntq5qw)_? (Um, sorry. It was just something about the way you phrased that.) ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/84 "2016-07-20T21:35:26Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > So what if it’s a situation if I asked her out and she says yes but I am the one who is always initiating contact? Do I continue to go out with her? Last summer I had a situation where she agreed to go out with me twice after the date but I was always the one calling first or texting first. > that’s not how things should be if it’s mutual interest right? If you all were in a well established, committed relationship sure. But seeing how this is just starting out, just go ahead and be the one that steps up. It’s what society has taught us. No biggie… For now anyway. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/85 "2016-07-20T23:02:05Z")
Ok I;m going to send a text tonight suggesting something for friday evening and see what happens ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/86 "2016-07-20T23:09:11Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > Ok I;m going to send a text tonight suggesting something for friday evening and see what happens Why do you have to wait until “tonight”? You seem to have plenty of time to keep us updated on the myriad of complications involved in this moon mission including just now. You could just bite the bullet and send her a message…now. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/87 "2016-07-20T23:13:34Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > Yeah she sent another text day saying I should check out this other mexican restaurant. I will say that women don’t normally Communicate with me like that after a first date so that’s why I was like…“she want me to check it out alone?” Lol That is because she is not a woman. She is an enchilada in search of sauce. I guess you didn’t take sex-ed. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/88 "2016-07-20T23:44:42Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > Ok I;m going to send a text tonight suggesting something for friday evening and see what happens Yesterday it was “tomorrow”, today it’s “tonight”. Tonight it will be “later tonight”. Then it will get too late so you’ll decide to do it “tomorrow morning”. Procrastination. Takes one to know one 😉 Do. It. NOW. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2016, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/89 "2016-07-20T23:52:21Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Yesterday it was “tomorrow”, today it’s “tonight”. Tonight it will be “later tonight”. Then it will get too late so you’ll decide to do it “tomorrow morning”. > > Procrastination. Takes one to know one 😉 > > Do. It. NOW. I would like to eat my dinner and then come up with a outing idea, ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/90 "2016-07-21T00:02:23Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > So what if it’s a situation if I asked her out and she says yes but I am the one who is always initiating contact? Do I continue to go out with her? Last summer I had a situation where she agreed to go out with me twice after the date but I was always the one calling first or texting first. > that’s not how things should be if it’s mutual interest right? You’re getting a signed/notarized contract from the start and adding witnessed addenda as appropriate as things progress, right? Otherwise _ **anything** _ could happen. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/91 "2016-07-21T00:03:53Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > I would like to eat my dinner and then come up with a outing idea, We know, it is always something and probably always will be. Just to let you know, it is traditionally rude to ask a girl for a date for the upcoming weekend, especially Friday night, past mid-afternoon on Wednesday. It presumes that they don’t have anything lined up already so you are already late. Big Al is not pleased with your refusal to cooperate with these…suggestions. Good luck, we’re all counting on you. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/92 "2016-07-21T00:10:18Z")
It’s like if someone told you that they ran a really good hotdog stand and wanted you to drop by but every time you went, they were either not there or they were all out of hotdogs and wouldn’t even tell you when they were going to have more. Would you keep going even if they promised you a free chili dog if you came back again? You run run just that type of hotdog stand. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/93 "2016-07-21T00:12:43Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > We know, it is always something and probably always will be. Just to let you know, it is traditionally rude to ask a girl for a date for the upcoming weekend, especially Friday night, past mid-afternoon on Wednesday. It presumes that they don’t have anything lined up already so you are already late. Big Al is not pleased with your refusal to cooperate with these…suggestions. > > Good luck, we’re all counting on you. so that means I shouldn’t call right? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/94 "2016-07-21T00:19:05Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > so that means I shouldn’t call right? If your real goal is to completely fail at dating for the next few years with her and everyone else then sure, that is exactly what you should do. If you don’t want to do that, why are you writing us now? A simple message or phone call takes less much less time than you just spent telling us why you can’t do it than actually doing it. I think I hear your mother calling you for dinner. You have my sympathies. It must be terrible being on a carefully dictated schedule like that. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/95 "2016-07-21T00:21:56Z")
Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what it means. Every single portent, sign, indicator, hint, and implication means you shouldn’t call. There is no point in calling. Decision made. Now you can relax safe and guiltless in the knowledge that the reason you didn’t call wasn’t that you are afraid of rejection, but for totally legitimate reasons. You can relax now. You’re a winner. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/96 "2016-07-21T00:26:35Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > In the _[bleep](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-qc-ntq5qw)_? > > (Um, sorry. It was just something about the way you phrased that.) I think you’re mistaking me for msmith537. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/97 "2016-07-21T00:35:31Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > If your real goal is to completely fail at dating for the next few years with her and everyone else then sure, that is exactly what you should do. > > If you don’t want to do that, why are you writing us now? A simple message or phone call takes less much less time than you just spent telling us why you can’t do it than actually doing it. > > I think I hear your mother calling you for dinner. You have my sympathies. It must be terrible being on a carefully dictated schedule like that. someone said it was rude to ask her out for this weekend this late in the week. So does that mean I should ask her out for next weekend? BTW: I was attempting to ask her out this week on monday but that;s when I got the her weekends are usually busy so let’s play it by ear ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/98 "2016-07-21T00:45:36Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > someone said it was rude to ask her out for this weekend this late in the week. So does that mean I should ask her out for next weekend? > > BTW: I was attempting to ask her out this week on monday but that;s when I got the her weekends are usually busy so let’s play it by ear You are being insufferable and self-defeating to a pathological and pathetic degree. I am the one that said it was rude to ask women out past mid-week for a Friday date but it isn’t a hard cutoff. However, that doesn’t mean you can wait a day or even an hour. You seem to have a fundamental comprehension problem. Numerous people are telling you to do it NOW as in right now. It isn’t acceptable to ask her next week. That is almost certainly too late if it isn’t already. Send a message or call now and then write back when you have done it but not before. We will be waiting to hear the confirmation that you actually followed through. Half an hour from now should be plenty of time to hear the word that you at least tried. The clock starts now. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/99 "2016-07-21T00:48:19Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > You’re getting a signed/notarized contract from the start and adding witnessed addenda as appropriate as things progress, right? Otherwise _ **anything** _ could happen. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/0Wq5udytRN0/hqdefault.jpg "consent") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Wq5udytRN0) ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168/100 "2016-07-21T00:52:47Z")
Real time dating coaching. This is fun. I have popcorn. 7 minutes gone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-a-first-date-last-night-and-have-a-question/760168.md?page=6)