# I hate all you assholes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 18, 2003, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983 "2003-02-18T22:55:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ace_of_Swords)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/1 "2003-02-18T22:55:01Z")
… ‘you’ here, being ‘you who lure me in with your tasty titles so I’ll read your random rant about some lame issue in your life’ – Hey, mother-fuckers! Does my nametag say ‘SUCKER’?!? No! So why are you sucking me into you rant about your aneurysm of an in-law or the secretary who stole your dirt-devil or the guy at Starbucks who keeps using cinnamon sticks instead of cinnamon powder?!? Fuck that, I came to do some fucking serious rubbernecking! I wanted to see entertaining annihilation and nuclear meltdowns, not about how the board _won’t let you get tenure!_ I want to see outrageous rants about no-good hermaphroditic sex-addicted toffee salesmen! I want to see rage, humiliation, cons, and people being made to feel like small peices of shit, becuase that makes me feel _better._ You, the lurers, you are guilty of false advertising and stealing my time! I hate all you assholes, without whom, I could be curing [sickle-cell anemia and researching my third novel about Russian STDs! But no, I am the crack-cocaine addicted rat “oh, look someone hates me, or maybe hates the whole SDMB,” Hmm. Click, click, click, AAAAGHH! WHERES MY DRAMA! I want my SHADENFREUDE, damn you, not some whine about how your water-delivery boy keeps getting Poland Spring on your carpets! This is _lame-ass_ hatred – my hate for _you_ is of legendary proportions – I fucking _triple-fudge_ hate you with _sprinkles_ on top for making me click on your hypothetical board-hating thread! You lousy persistent-fecal-drip butter-monkeys, I hate you so very much. Give me back my life, you reprehensible anal-leeches! I don’t have better things to do? Fuck you with an saguaro cactus, **If I wanted bogus overpackaged drama-cum-humiliations I would be watching JOE MILLIONAIRE RERUNS – RIGHT NOW!!!** Thank god I have every episode on tape. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/2 "2003-02-18T23:05:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Ace of Swords \* > \*\*I want to see outrageous rants about no-good hermaphroditic sex-addicted toffee salesmen![/size] \*\* :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/3 "2003-02-18T23:20:57Z")
Hey, God gave you style, God gave you grace, god gave you a smile upon your face, but when you draw the line your guess is as good as mine. ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/4 "2003-02-18T23:29:25Z")
You butt-licking, syphilitic, puppy-kicking crack whore! Where do you get _off_ thinking rants are meant to entertain you? Hey. Wait a minute. I like to read rants for the entertainment value, too. Never mind. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![tunabreath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@tunabreath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tunabreath)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/5 "2003-02-18T23:33:12Z")
Mmmmmmm…cinnamon, toffee triple-fudge, sprinkles, butter, cactus, grglgrglgrgl. WHAT! NO DOUGHNUTS! ma’a’an. ---
**Author:** ![Dumbguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dumbguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dumbguy)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/6 "2003-02-18T23:57:10Z")
Being an asshole, I assumed this thread would be about me. It isn’t. I don’t know what it’s about, but I’m pretty sure it’s not about me. ---
**Author:** ![PurplePerson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@PurplePerson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurplePerson)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/7 "2003-02-19T00:24:15Z")
If you don’t like us and our need to rant, go away, or don’t read our threads. ---
**Author:** ![ScoobyTX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@ScoobyTX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScoobyTX)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/8 "2003-02-19T00:44:30Z")
Why the fuck did I have to waste my time opening this thread? I feel like such a sucker. ---
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/9 "2003-02-19T01:11:23Z")
All I can say is, I wish I had some toffee right now. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/10 "2003-02-19T02:41:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Ace of Swords \* > **Fuck you with an saguaro cactus** Given that my location was on top of a cactus for the longest time, would you like me to pull the saguaro out of my ass so you can fuck someone with it? I’d be quite happy to do so. I think that’s my new favorite line. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ace_of_Swords)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/11 "2003-02-19T04:15:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lel \* > \*\*Given that my location was on top of a cactus for the longest time, would you like me to pull the saguaro out of my ass so you can fuck someone with it? I’d be quite happy to do so. > > I think that’s my new favorite line. 😃 \*\* Glad to help. 🙂 But I must apoligze for my effrontery. Please amend the offensive statement to “…with **a** saguaro cactus.” **tunabreath** : Obsess about food, much? You forgot the two other prime foodstuffs in the OP, Fresh-from-the-Maine-acquifer Poland Spring bottled water, and just-like-mom-used-to-make Crack Cocaine. Mmm. ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/12 "2003-02-19T04:22:06Z")
Your mom made you crack cocaine? Lucky dog. All we got was discarded marijuana seeds. I was so deprived as a child. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/13 "2003-02-19T05:36:07Z")
An amusing rant, I agree:) However. You are responsible for your own amusement. We are not your babysitter nor the clown at your sixth birthday. If this forum doesn’t provide you with any entertainment, don’t dent the door with your assprint on the way out:p ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/14 "2003-02-19T05:49:33Z")
> [@](#): > > how your water-delivery boy keeps getting Poland Spring on your carpets! I fucking _hate_ when that happens. ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-all-you-assholes/155983/15 "2003-02-19T05:51:23Z")
[ul]🆒 [sup]Why don’t you go speak to [**BURNER**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=164125) about this problem?[/sup][/ul]