# I hate bad dates. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 11, 2006, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915 "2006-03-11T05:39:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/41 "2006-03-12T19:27:02Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > I had an “encounter” with an exqisitely beautiful redhead at Jungle gardens last week. She held the door open for me in the giftshop. I thanked her and she gave me a knockout smile. I browsed that gift shop for a full 20 minutes and everywhere I went she was no more than a few feet away. She seemingly sgadowed me through every move in the giftshop. I wanted so badly to just make conversaion, “Isn’t that the coolest paperweight you’ve ever seen?” or something like that. I missed my opportunity, I said nothing. Now I just got a dreamy regret. _Borrows Dr. Frink’s flying time machine motorcycle._ _Steals redhead from **devilsknew** _ You had your chance! ---
**Author:** ![MrJackboots](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MrJackboots](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrJackboots)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/42 "2006-03-12T19:29:30Z")
> [@Unintentionally Blank](#): > > At the office, we call that a competition on D\*ck size. You think YOU’VE got it bad! \ Lookit MY situation. > > It really really really bugs me. Seriously, there are worse things to be bugged by. Consider… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/43 "2006-03-12T19:49:20Z")
Wanna know what really gets me? Consider the following canard issued ad infinitum to someone not having such a great time in the dating pool: “Maybe your standards are too high…” AARGH! Here’s why. 1. You, the advisee, are being relegated to a ‘level’ of attractiveness by implication, stating that there are just some people whom you cannot hope to approach and be successful. 2. The advice being given is to approach people to whom you are not attracted to for the sake of being with someone, anyone at all. How depressing! 3. You’re also being told, obliquely, that you’re shallow. Oooh! Burns my britches every time! ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/44 "2006-03-12T20:03:15Z")
> [@Enfant Terrible](#): > > Wanna know what really gets me? > > Consider the following canard issued ad infinitum to someone not having such a great time in the dating pool: “Maybe your standards are too high…” If I ever say this, it isn’t because I think the person expects too much of their potential partners so much as expecting too much of a relationship. I’ve run across people who seem to think that if they have to compromise on anything, if their partner isn’t completely ideal, that the relationship is doomed. Any relationship is doomed if it has to be perfect. There’s a certain segment of the population that seems to expect love to be like a movie. Those people have unrealistic standards. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/45 "2006-03-12T20:03:48Z")
> [@Gadarene](#): > > Hey **Misnomer** : we could always use another player in our bi-weekly, low-stakes poker game. 🙂 Bi-sexuals play organized poker?! Girl bi-sexuals?? :eek: I’m learning to play cards!.. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/46 "2006-03-12T20:21:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Bi-sexuals play organized poker?! Girl bi-sexuals?? On the off-chance that there exists any confusion, **QuickSilver:** : me am male. 🙂 **Enfant Terrible:** I’m in complete agreement. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/47 "2006-03-12T20:27:45Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Bi-sexuals play organized poker?! Girl bi-sexuals?? :eek: > > I’m learning to play cards!.. 😃 Pfft, like you have time in between all your relatively easy dates to learn how to play cards. Leave some for the rest of us, you cad! ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/48 "2006-03-12T21:21:46Z")
> [@amarinth](#): > > Anyway, the point is, that I know plenty of perfectly nice, lovely people for whom it never happened. They just don’t talk about it. If they’re alive, it hasn’t “never” happened yet. Anyway, I didn’t say that it happens 100% of the time, and if you want to bring yourself down you can go ahead and tell yourself it’s the minority case or that it doesn’t always happen. My point is that a successful first, second and third date aren’t founded on years of hard work. Of course, sometimes someone toils for years to get a date with a particular person, but that’s the minority and I’d bet most of the time if circumstances were slightly different they would’ve started dating immediately. > [@jsgoddess](#): > > I hate it when people say things like this. No, it really won’t “just happen” one day. If someone waits around for love to come to them, most likely it won’t. And even if they tackle it head on, it might not. Has it ever occurred to you that I didn’t pull it out of thin air? You can deny my personal experiences all you want, but in the end you’re just blowing smoke up your own ass, because I was there and I don’t accept revisions. > [@jsgoddess](#): > > Would anyone say that about, say, a job? “You’ll get your dream job. It will just happen one day!” How about the lottery? “You’ll win the lottery. It will just happen!” Jobs (in the structured form you’re referring to) and lotteries are artificial inventions of society. Mating is something we were built to do, and if it didn’t just happen I think the human population would be a lot lower than it is today. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/49 "2006-03-12T21:40:49Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > Has it ever occurred to you that I didn’t pull it out of thin air? You can deny my personal experiences all you want, but in the end you’re just blowing smoke up your own ass, because I was there and I don’t accept revisions. You were there for all of the billions of people who have ever lived and can therefore say that love will come to everyone? I didn’t make any comment about your life. Why would I? Something happening in your life isn’t enough to build other people’s expectations on. So it happened to you. Big deal. And, just out of curiosity, how long were you waiting around for this lightning strike of true love to happen? I could be very wrong, but I was thinking from previous threads that you’re quite young. Not a fetus, though! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/50 "2006-03-12T23:13:20Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > If I ever say this, it isn’t because I think the person expects too much of their potential partners so much as expecting too much of a relationship. I’ve run across people who seem to think that if they have to compromise on anything, if their partner isn’t completely ideal, that the relationship is doomed. Any relationship is doomed if it has to be perfect. > > There’s a certain segment of the population that seems to expect love to be like a movie. Those people have unrealistic standards. Oh yeah, if someone’s looking for picture-perfect every day and a great big ride off into the sunset at The End, then they’re S.O.L. That don’t happen. (Well, maybe once a century, but then the guy gets strapped to a huge suction machine by an evil prince, an albino, and a six-fingered man. Then the girl goes off and marries Sean Penn.) ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/51 "2006-03-12T23:26:28Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > You were there for all of the billions of people who have ever lived and can therefore say that love will come to everyone? Please take a moment to read my posts again: > [@fetus](#): > > Anyway, I didn’t say that it happens 100% of the time > [@fetus](#): > > You can deny my personal experiences > [@jsgoddess](#): > > I didn’t make any comment about your life. Why would I? Something happening in your life isn’t enough to build other people’s expectations on. So it happened to you. Big deal. Alright, if you insist, I revise my original contribution to this thread thusly: I waited a long time to find love, and it just happened to me. It’s very cliche, but it does happen that way. It doesn’t happen to everyone and it doesn’t happen all of the time, and it’s not like it’s going to strike like a bolt of lightning at someone who’s not ready for it. You have to be prepared to receive it. Maybe some people aren’t destined to have this opportunity. That’s a question for theologists and philosophers. All I can tell you is that it happened for me–I had to make myself physically attractive first and I had to have an attractive personality and emotional makeup, but it happened. It may or may not happen for you. Sorry for trying to use my personal experiences to confirm on a one-case basis that a feel-better cliche is actually true, at least for me. If you don’t want to feel better or put faith in your own ability to attract good mates, well, it’s a free country, but in the end you’re the one left bitching and moaning. Two of the world’s least attractive activities, BTW. > [@jsgoddess](#): > > And, just out of curiosity, how long were you waiting around for this lightning strike of true love to happen? I could be very wrong, but I was thinking from previous threads that you’re quite young. I am 19, and yeah it’s early to say definitely that I’m set for life in love. Who knows what good or bad things the future will bring for my current relationship? All I’m telling you that if you set yourself up to receive it, it will come–and by “it” I mean dating success. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/52 "2006-03-12T23:42:56Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > It doesn’t happen to everyone and it doesn’t happen all of the time, and it’s not like it’s going to strike like a bolt of lightning at someone who’s not ready for it. You have to be prepared to receive it. Maybe some people aren’t destined to have this opportunity. That’s a question for theologists and philosophers. All I can tell you is that it happened for me–I had to make myself physically attractive first and I had to have an attractive personality and emotional makeup, but it happened. It may or may not happen for you. Thanks for the revision. I’m glad you’re in a great relationship, by the way. Cherish it. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2006, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/53 "2006-03-12T23:56:06Z")
I’m glad that drama is over. 🙂 Thanks for the well wishes, I certainly do cherish it. I had a lot of failures and then a quick string of sexual success and then a long drought, and now I’m with someone I fall harder in love with every day and it’s amazing. ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/54 "2006-03-13T00:13:34Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > I have been on a total of five actual dates in my lifetime. What’s my prize? > > Oh, right. Loneliness… ☹ Oh yeah? Well, I’ve only had two. 😛 But I’m only sixteen: too young to complain. … Not that that really stops me. I just try not to do it too much… ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/55 "2006-03-13T01:18:28Z")
> [@](#): > > I am 19, and yeah it’s early to say definitely that I’m set for life in love. Man oh man. 😃 😃 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/56 "2006-03-13T01:57:31Z")
> [@Gadarene](#): > > Man oh man. 😃 😃 😃 😃 :smack: Yeah, I don’t know if I want to give the kid a big brotherly hug or the old “Sonny, I’ve got scars older than you…” talk. Maybe both. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/57 "2006-03-13T02:02:58Z")
I guess nobody actually read the quoted text. Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/58 "2006-03-13T02:34:13Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > I guess nobody actually read the quoted text. Oh well. Sweetie, the problem is that we _did_ read what you wrote. You started with a Pollyana-ish expression of “It’s so cliche, but it really will just happen one day,” and you encourage the OP to “hang in there.” When **jsgoddess** rightly pointed out that it doesn’t always happen, you got weirdly defensive and tried to backtrack by claiming that you only said that because it happened to you, but you still managed to imply that your personal experience justifies such a universal claim. When called on it further, you said that if it doesn’t happen for someone it’s because they somehow aren’t open to love or “prepared” for it. And in the middle of all that you said that you waited a “long time” for love, even though you’re just 19. You’ve been dating for all of, what, 5 years? Maybe 6? Do you not see how all of this makes those of us who are 30+ just want to pat you on the head and say “aww, isn’t he cute?” I mean, I know this sounds condescending, and for that I’m sorry. Usually when you post I don’t find myself remembering that you’re only 19, but this time … there really _are_ some truths/insights that will come with age. Trust your elder on this one. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/59 "2006-03-13T02:34:48Z")
> [@](#): > > I guess nobody actually read the quoted text. Oh well. I’m more amused at your original post. > [@](#): > > It’s so cliche, but it really will just happen one day. Love is incredible that way. Everyone says it, but honestly, that’s because it’s true. I appreciate being blessed by your nineteen-year-old wisdom. ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915/60 "2006-03-13T02:37:45Z")
…And **Misnomer** said it with far more elegance and grace than I did. I hope you don’t take offense at my mild sarcasm, **fetus**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-bad-dates/347915.md?page=4)