# I hate dating:( **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 8, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813 "2003-05-08T02:03:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/21 "2003-05-08T13:46:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\*I don’t date. Did it once in 1995, and that was that. But I’ve heard about the third-date thing. I heard about it in all places, _Dilbert_. (Too bad he was 15% short!) \*\* Yeah, but [geek mode=Dilbert]he was only expecting either a kiss or the “Let’s-be-friends” speech. And Liz later said that she found him oddly attractive but didn’t believe in getting physical until she was married (Dilbert: “Wouldn’t your husband get mad?”) [/geek] I always blink at times like this because it is serious news to me that there are any circumstances, any at all, up to and including a marriage contract, under which a man is entitled to “expect” sex. 😕 YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![S.Mussberger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@S.Mussberger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/S.Mussberger)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/22 "2003-05-08T14:04:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Amp \* > \*\*I’m in the same boat as you are, I’ve been seperated over a year from my wife and it’s headed toward divorce so sooner or later I’m going to have to start dating again and I am dreading it. I hate the hard to get, the flirting, the pick-up lines, etc. I’ve forgotten everything about dating. Hell, last time I dated was in high school. > > FTR, I wish more women were upfront. Real big turn on for me. \*\* So, Florida and Illinois to far away for you guys? ---
**Author:** ![Deadly\_Nightlight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Deadly\_Nightlight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deadly_Nightlight)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/23 "2003-05-08T15:44:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by blowero \* > \*\*May I ask where you are meeting these guys you’re dating? I know there are guys out there willing to wait past the 3rd date to get some. \*\* One of them I met from a personal add, and one of them I met the old fashoned way, the friend of a friend. Hey Duke, next time I am in the area we can do lunch and share dating horror stories. I guess it does make a good moron filter, but I have a compulsive thing about wasted time, I know that the first guy i date prob is not going to be Mr, right, But the thought that I wasted time with someone who was a dinglehead bugs me. I think it stems from the 6 years I wasted with my ex husband. If everyone was upfront we wouldn’t have this problem. I always tell men in the very begginning that I do not do casual sex, so if thats what they are after to not waste either of our times, and it pisses me off when its all they want after a couple of dates. ---
**Author:** ![Apricot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bcef8e/32.png) [@Apricot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apricot)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/24 "2003-05-08T16:06:37Z")
You’ve met Leykis 101 graduates. They are supposed to “dump that bitch” if you don’t put out by the 3rd date. I wholeheartedly endorse the system. Just wait 3 dates and you have found out who is only in it for sex. ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/25 "2003-05-08T16:12:28Z")
I’ve recently broken up with my SO of eight years, and for now I’d rather naw my own leg off than date again. I simply have no desire to ever go out with another man ever again. Maybe this will change in time, but for now, I’m perfectly happy by myself. ---
**Author:** ![poissongrand69](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/848f3c/32.png) [@poissongrand69](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/poissongrand69)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/26 "2003-05-08T16:14:14Z")
You’ve met Leykis 101 graduates. Wow, i was going to post a link to that information, but you beat me to it. heh… Didnt think I would hear that on this board. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/27 "2003-05-08T16:19:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duke \* > \*\*Count me in as a man who also hates the after-divorce dating scene. Last year after my divorce was finalized and I tried the dating scene again, I felt like I was playing a strange game where I didn’t know the rules and had no idea what the protocol was. I went on one date which seemed to go very well–she asked me to call her later that weekend. She didn’t return my call, or an e-mail a few days later, and never spoke to me again. With the next woman I dated we reached the “second date” phase. At the end of the second date, we embraced, she told me to call her later that weekend…yes, same result. > > I too am not good at flirting, being coy, or playing “hard to get.” Say, **Deadly** , too bad I don’t live anywhere near Illinois–at the very least we could commiserate about our plight! \*\* I have heard that (some) women have a whole phone protocal. Like, if you call them right away, then you’re weird, so you have to wait a couple of days. And then they shouldn’t return calls from you, cause then you’ll think they want you, you should have to call them and yadda yadda. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/28 "2003-05-08T16:34:10Z")
I tried dating for 13 years. Engaged three times, ran three times as the time got closer. Except for one time a couple of years ago. Was married for 5 months. He didn’t want to act like a husband so I ditched him. No sense in wasting time. Now I rarely date. It’s just not worth the effort and my time is much too valuable to be wasting on men that just can’t cut the mustard. You know the type, won’t work, won’t bathe, won’t answer the phone cause it’s too far away, still wants his mommie and can’t do his own laundry. My child is grown. I don’t want another one. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/29 "2003-05-08T16:35:52Z")
> [@](#): > > guess it does make a good moron filter, but I have a compulsive thing about wasted time, I know that the first guy i date prob is not going to be Mr, right, But the thought that I wasted time with someone who was a dinglehead bugs me. I think it stems from the 6 years I wasted with my ex husband. If everyone was upfront we wouldn’t have this problem. Don’t think of it as wasted time, think of it as a learning experience. You’ve learned that some men are shallow pricks who are only in it for the sex. You’ve learned a method for screening the bozos out. Anyhow, it isn’t a race, so take your time and eventually you’ll meet somebody with whom you’ll be compatible. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/30 "2003-05-08T16:46:18Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Malacandra_ > **I always blink at times like this because it is serious news to me that there are any circumstances, any at all, up to and including a marriage contract, under which a man is entitled to “expect” sex.** I think that a man is indeed entitled to “expect” sex when he is married. He just isn’t entitled to get it. ---
**Author:** ![jeevmon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@jeevmon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeevmon)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/31 "2003-05-08T16:54:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*I have heard that (some) women have a whole phone protocal. Like, if you call them right away, then you’re weird, so you have to wait a couple of days. And then they shouldn’t return calls from you, cause then you’ll think they want you, you should have to call them and yadda yadda. \*\* Sounds like the “three day rule”, but where it came from is uncertain. (It predates the movie “Swingers,” I’m sure of that.) At some point, someone determined that if a guy calls the day after getting a phone number, he comes off as desparate, which is a turn-off. But waiting too long (say a week) makes the guy seem disinterested. So three days is the rule that splits the difference between right away and excessive delay. Some male dating counsellors still advise waiting a week as a screening process, i.e. if she really liked you or was attracted to you, it wouldn’t matter if you waited a week. Analogy being, if a woman gave her number to George Clooney, she wouldn’t not go out with him just because he waited a week to call. As far as the not returning calls, that sounds like “The Rules.” Dating is a lot of bad dates, mistakes, poor judgment calls, complete psychos, emotional game players and finally, if you’re lucky, someone great. Men justifiably bear the brunt of the blame for this situation, but women shouldn’t be left totally off the hook either. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/32 "2003-05-08T17:18:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*I have heard that (some) women have a whole phone protocal. Like, if you call them right away, then you’re weird, so you have to wait a couple of days. And then they shouldn’t return calls from you, cause then you’ll think they want you, you should have to call them and yadda yadda. \*\* Pardon my French (actually, since this is the Pit _don’t_ pardon my French), but I’ve heard this and I think women who are doing it are pulling bullshit. OK, it’s one thing if someone gives you a phone number and you call them an hour later. But if someone _asks_ you to call them in a certain time frame, then gives you the silent treatment if you do…as we said in SoCal, fuckin’ whatever. I’m too old for that kind of “playing games” crap. Like I said, it’s like a game that I don’t know how to play. At least I’m not trying to play it in SoCal anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Deadly\_Nightlight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Deadly\_Nightlight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deadly_Nightlight)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/33 "2003-05-08T17:38:06Z")
You are supposed to wait to call? Why? If you like someone why don’t you just give them a call? geez louise ---
**Author:** ![Morrigoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@Morrigoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrigoon)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/34 "2003-05-08T17:52:27Z")
No, don’t wait, that’s a load of crap. If a girl gives you her number, she wants to know your level of interest - if you call the next day (assuming you dropped her off at night), she knows you’re interested. Don’t give her time to over-analyze the date! ---
**Author:** ![cleosia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@cleosia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleosia)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/35 "2003-05-08T18:07:32Z")
I think it may be a good idea to meet people in a mixed group setting who share your interests or hobbies and see if anything develops from there. This way, sex is the only possibility (in his mind) you share. ---
**Author:** ![cleosia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@cleosia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleosia)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/36 "2003-05-08T18:13:42Z")
Sorry; "Sex \*\*isn’t[/] the only possiblity… ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/37 "2003-05-08T20:20:44Z")
Oh honey! I went through a lot of that right after my divorce too. Some of it is that dating expectations have changed and some of it is just that you’ve forgotten how much fun dating wasn’t to begin with. just be patient. If a guy dumps you becuase you aren’t doin’ it on the thrid date, it’s his loss. Stick to who YOU are and what YOu are about and a guy will come along that wants to know you as a person. Unfortunatly you will go through a lot of id-juts to find him but then dating was always like that. You’ll be okay. ---
**Author:** ![CRorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/38 "2003-05-08T20:45:29Z")
Well I can’t tell if someone is fliting with me or simply being poite until I burst into flames, get run over or killed my a meteror strike. And personally I don’t understand casual sex either… I mean there are such things as prostitutes in the world… if you want casual sex there you go. Why the hell would I want to sleep with someone whom I don’t know if I can enjoy spending 2 days around!? Then again I probably shouldn’t talk… I’ve never done the traditional dating thing. I’ve gone from meeting interesting women to getting to know them to suddenly having a tongue stuck into my mouth. That and it’s been 5 years since I dated last. Sweet jesus that was a long time ago… granted I was in a relationship for 3 of those years so it doesn’t sound so bad. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/39 "2003-05-08T20:51:27Z")
Poor bunny, I think dating sucks too. That’s why I just fuck.😃 ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/40 "2003-05-08T22:45:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Apricot \* > \*\*You’ve met Leykis 101 graduates. > They are supposed to “dump that bitch” if you don’t put out by the 3rd date. > I wholeheartedly endorse the system. Just wait 3 dates and you have found out who is only in it for sex. \*\* Hear hear. Actually I think Leykis 101 does more for women than the men. Just turn the whole Leykis 101 thing to the exact opposite of the 101 rules and BINGO instant asshole filter!!! PS. if I ever go on a date with someone that tries to do the "Oh, I’ll just have a salad thing? I’m going to sweetly say "oh gosh really? Well I need energy if I’m going to be boffing you all night, and then order the most expensive thing on the menu. Then, after it gets there, take a few bites, excuse myself to go to the restroom, call a cab from the payphone and leave. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813.md?page=3)