# I hate dating:( **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 8, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813 "2003-05-08T02:03:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/41 "2003-05-08T23:21:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > \*\*PS. if I ever go on a date with someone that tries to do the "Oh, I’ll just have a salad thing? > > I’m going to sweetly say "oh gosh really? Well I need energy if I’m going to be boffing you all night, and then order the most expensive thing on the menu. > > Then, after it gets there, take a few bites, excuse myself to go to the restroom, call a cab from the payphone and leave. \*\* What? You won’t date people that eat salad? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/42 "2003-05-09T00:13:07Z")
ohhhhh. I _just_ broke up with my b/f of two years, before him I had been in a relationship for 2 years and this thread is scaring the beejezus outta me! stop it stop it stop it!! I’ve never been much of a dater, I’ve always had relationships form out of friendships and I am _so_ not looking forward to having to do it. But I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life alone so I guess I’ll have to suck it up. ☹ _whimper_ ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/43 "2003-05-09T00:14:23Z")
LOL, nooo noo! Miller. Sorry my bad, I should have explained to the non Leykis people in the crowd. It’s one of the “Leykis 101” rules, he advises men to: spend no more than 40 dollars on the whole first date to date no more than 3 times, if she doesn’t put out by the 3rd date, dump her, if she does put out, no cuddling, no spending the night, just “towel off” when you’re done so you can get home for “Sports night” No lunch dates, No dating single moms EVER And if you do go out to dinner with her, eat good meal before you go, and then when you get to dinner, just order a salad. PERIOD, because no women will be caught dead eating more than a man on a first date I can’t remember all of them, but those are the main ones. ---
**Author:** ![Morrigoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@Morrigoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrigoon)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/44 "2003-05-09T01:13:24Z")
Boy, whoever wrote those rules has never met me. Then again, the Leykis crowd would be too shallow to date me, or attract me, for that matter, so it matters little. On the bright side, when the last guy I dated had gone a week without so much as attempting a kiss, I knew either a)I had a winner, or b)he was gay. 🙂 (btw: option a) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/45 "2003-05-09T08:22:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BrotherCadfael \* > \*\*I think that a man is indeed entitled to “expect” sex when he is married. He just isn’t entitled to get it. \*\* This is sort of like the logic in that scene in _The Life Of Brian_ in which Stan-who-is-called-Loretta is saying that he wants to have babies, and Reg explains that he can’t, because he hasn’t got a womb, and where’s the foetus going to gestate, and Stan/Loretta bursts into tears. Whereupon Judith says “Here! How about we agree that he can’t _have_ babies, not being female, which is nobody’s fault, not even the Romans’, but he can have the _right_ to have babies?” The set of rules being explained in this thread sound as big a load of crap as the other “Rules”… > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Jeevmon_\*\* > Dating is a lot of bad dates, mistakes, poor judgment calls, complete psychos, emotional game players and finally, if you’re lucky, someone great. \*Men justifiably bear the brunt of the blame for this situation, \*\*\* Cite? ---
**Author:** ![Deadly\_Nightlight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Deadly\_Nightlight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deadly_Nightlight)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/46 "2003-05-09T14:40:14Z")
Too bad there is no right to expect atleast 4 good dates 😃 ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/47 "2003-05-09T14:51:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > \*\*LOL, nooo noo! Miller. > > Sorry my bad, I should have explained to the non Leykis people in the crowd. > > It’s one of the “Leykis 101” rules, he advises men to: > > spend no more than 40 dollars on the whole first date > to date no more than 3 times, if she doesn’t put out by the 3rd date, dump her, > if she does put out, no cuddling, no spending the night, just “towel off” when you’re done so you can get home for “Sports night” > No lunch dates, > No dating single moms EVER > And if you do go out to dinner with her, eat good meal before you go, and then when you get to dinner, just order a salad. PERIOD, because no women will be caught dead eating more than a man on a first date > > I can’t remember all of them, but those are the main ones. \*\* I would kick Leykis to the curb so fast he would wind up in next Tuesday. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/48 "2003-05-09T23:19:26Z")
I wrote this out and then tried to post, but found that my login had expired. So I re-logged in, quickly clicked on what I thought was the right thread, and posted this message. Here’s another copy, in the right thread this time: * * * I know what it’s like to have your heart set on some guy who turned out to be a louse. I agree completely with people who say that you’ve discovered a good idiot filter. Moron blockers are wonderful things to have. Be glad that you’ve come up with one. There are good men out there. I know, because I’ve dated and had relationships with them. (They weren’t necessarily all that well-suited to me in particular, which is why I’m still single. But they were generally decent guys, and I hope that they find the right woman for them.) A guy you want is not a guy who expects you to jump between the sheets with him on the third date. Heck, I’d be dumping his sorry rear end (and disappointed penis) myself. There’s no guy I’d sleep with until I felt good and ready to do so, and anyone who’s not comfortable with that is not for me. ---
**Author:** ![BeatenMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ab097/32.png) [@BeatenMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeatenMan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/49 "2003-05-09T23:59:42Z")
I happen to think sex breaks down a lot of barriers. However most dates I have had don’t. That is why my member name is what it is. This is what the average man is thinking.— Hey don’t laugh ICEcube you think it’s funny I have to go home and do this to myself. Ill just find somebody who knows how to make me feel good instead of feeling robbed. Your personallity? Im not going to listen toa word you say untill my mind is clear, and for that to happen you are going to have to take care of the other brain that has me in agony. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/50 "2003-05-10T02:30:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BeatenMan \* > \*\*I happen to think sex breaks down a lot of barriers. However most dates I have had don’t. That is why my member name is what it is. This is what the average man is thinking.— Hey don’t laugh ICEcube you think it’s funny I have to go home and do this to myself. Ill just find somebody who knows how to make me feel good instead of feeling robbed. Your personallity? Im not going to listen toa word you say untill my mind is clear, and for that to happen you are going to have to take care of the other brain that has me in agony. \*\* But see? We don’t get why men (usual disclaimer applies) feel that if they don’t “get it” they are a beaten man, or that they somehow “lose”. Why do you feel that way? And “you” meaning all men who feel that way. Also, I think that if more men’s attitudes were different, that more women would be less likely to say no to casual sex. For me the reasons I refuse to have casual sex, (and I don’t know if all women feel this way), boil down to, but are not limited to the following: 1.) Women aren’t guaranteed that they’ll climax during intercourse. Most men are going to get to finish the act, unless they are ill or have some other impotence problem. A lot of men have no clue how to make that happen for a woman, and aren’t interested anyway, ESPECIALLY if it’s “just” casual sex. 2.) Too many men give off “double standard vibes”. That is, that unspoken attitude of “ha ha I got some, but you’re a little slut”. Even if they don’t say it, and even if they are reasonably nice about it, the “good girls don’t” thing is still there. 3.) If you “give in” too soon, many men don’t respect you, and won’t date you past that point. Or if you don’t give in at all, they dump you too, so you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. 4.) It just feels uncomfortable, tacky and icky. I don’t get why men are so damn threatened by the idea that a woman wants to love them and have a life with them. I don’t understand that at all. ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2003, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/51 "2003-05-10T03:48:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scribble \* > \*\* > I know what it’s like to have your heart set on some guy who turned out to be a louse. I agree completely with people who say that you’ve discovered a good idiot filter. Moron blockers are wonderful things to have. Be glad that you’ve come up with one. > > \*\* I am one of those women who needs to work on her asshole detector! Cause mine has been failing me a lot lately! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Deadly\_Nightlight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Deadly\_Nightlight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deadly_Nightlight)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2003, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/52 "2003-05-10T04:21:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BeatenMan \* > \*\*I happen to think sex breaks down a lot of barriers. However most dates I have had don’t. That is why my member name is what it is. This is what the average man is thinking.— Hey don’t laugh ICEcube you think it’s funny I have to go home and do this to myself. Ill just find somebody who knows how to make me feel good instead of feeling robbed. Your personallity? Im not going to listen toa word you say untill my mind is clear, and for that to happen you are going to have to take care of the other brain that has me in agony. \*\* Geez Louise Is that you Unlucky Man number 4? ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/53 "2003-05-10T04:38:13Z")
Looks like **BeatenMan** ’s a little punch-drunk there to me, **Deadly**! Or else he’s The Man With Two Brains! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Deadly\_Nightlight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Deadly\_Nightlight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deadly_Nightlight)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2003, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/54 "2003-05-10T04:39:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duke \* > \*\*Looks like **BeatenMan** ’s a little punch-drunk there to me, **Deadly**! Or else he’s The Man With Two Brains! 😃 \*\* 😃 ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2003, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/55 "2003-05-10T08:27:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > But see? We don’t get why men (usual disclaimer applies) feel that if they don’t “get it” they are a beaten man, or that they somehow “lose”. > > Why do you feel that way? And “you” meaning all men who feel that way. If Beaten isn’t just yanking your chain, and really feels that way, he DOES NOT speak for the average man. > [@](#): > > Also, I think that if more men’s attitudes were different, that more women would be less likely to say no to casual sex. You are responsible for your own actions. If you do something against your own better judgment, you can’t blame that on the man. > [@](#): > > 1.) Women aren’t guaranteed that they’ll climax during intercourse. Most men are going to get to finish the act, unless they are ill or have some other impotence problem. A lot of men have no clue how to make that happen for a woman, and aren’t interested anyway, ESPECIALLY if it’s “just” casual sex. Hmmm…I love to have the woman climax. If I’m doing something wrong, all you gotta do is ask.🙂 I’m not Casanova, but I’ll sure give it the ol’ college try. Thing is, we’re not mind-readers. You can wonder “why doesn’t he do xy&z?”, but unless you tell him, how is he going to know? And actually, it’s not always a guaranteed orgasm for the guy, either. But there IS a lot more pressure on the man. I’ve actually heard of women telling the guy to “hurry up”. Talk about pressure… > [@](#): > > 2.) Too many men give off “double standard vibes”. That is, that unspoken attitude of “ha ha I got some, but you’re a little slut”. Even if they don’t say it, and even if they are reasonably nice about it, the “good girls don’t” thing is still there. Well don’t date those kind of guys. > [@](#): > > 3.) If you “give in” too soon, many men don’t respect you, and won’t date you past that point. Or if you don’t give in at all, they dump you too, so you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. I wonder if that’s really the case. If the guy _really_ cares about you, there’s no way in hell he’s gonna dump you _because_ you had sex with him. I’m sorry to say this, but it’s far more likely that he just wasn’t that into you in the first place. Believe me - if a guy is really into you, and you have sex with him, all he’s gonna think about is having MORE sex with you. Ditto for if you don’t have sex right away - if he really cares about you, he will wait. If he doesn’t want to wait _at all_ then he’s a jerk anyway. Remember, you can NEVER substitute sex for love. Of course, it all depends on age, too. If you’re talking about an 18 year old boy, all bets are off. > [@](#): > > 4.) It just feels uncomfortable, tacky and icky. Then don’t do it for crying out loud. Seriously, is a man who will dump you only because you didn’t fuck him on the 2nd date really the kind of man you want? ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2003, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/56 "2003-05-10T10:13:06Z")
I’ve never heard the ‘3rd date rule’. I never take sex as a given, but if after 3 dates, and there was no type of sexual contact, I’d start to think the lady wasn’t really that in to me. So, I might need some form of encouragement to continue. Which could be as simple as saying "I’d like this to go to the next level, but I need to know you a little better’. ---
**Author:** ![Deadly\_Nightlight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Deadly\_Nightlight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deadly_Nightlight)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2003, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/57 "2003-05-10T12:08:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spooje \* > \*\*I’ve never heard the ‘3rd date rule’. I never take sex as a given, but if after 3 dates, and there was no type of sexual contact, I’d start to think the lady wasn’t really that in to me. So, I might need some form of encouragement to continue. Which could be as simple as saying "I’d like this to go to the next level, but I need to know you a little better’. \*\* But why does there have to be sexual contact when you first start dating? Of course I am not sure what you mean by sexual contact either. If its not somebody I knew well before we started dating, I might hold hands with him, but I am not sure how comfortable I would be if he put his tounge in my mouth, or petting. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2003, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/58 "2003-05-10T12:44:27Z")
Perhaps sexual contact is a bad term. Perhaps intimate contact is better… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Deadly Nightlight \* > \*\* If its not somebody I knew well before we started dating, I might hold hands with him, but I am not sure how comfortable I would be if he put his tounge in my mouth, or petting. \*\* Which would lead me to believe that you were not all that into the guy. File him under friend and not lover. Which is OK. If you’re not feeling a spark at date 3, I don’t think you’re gonna. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2003, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/59 "2003-05-10T14:50:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spooje \* > \*\* > Which would lead me to believe that you were not all that into the guy. File him under friend and not lover. Which is OK. If you’re not feeling a spark at date 3, I don’t think you’re gonna. \*\* Not necessarily true. Some people just take longer than others to be comfortable with any kind of physical contact, for all sorts of reasons. Being nervous about holding hands might be a bit extreme for most of us, but you never know. I think you have to pay attention to other nonverbal cues, too. Is the other person looking you in the eye? Does he/she generally seem comfortable around you? Interested? Does he/she initiate further get-togethers? Believe me, it can be frustrating to date someone who is on the shy side, or who just tends to move more slowly in this department than you do. I speak from experience (in both directions). Just try to communicate about it if you like the person otherwise, and try to get the other person to do the same. I would have missed out on some great experiences if I’d interpreted a guy’s failure to make a move by the third date as a lack of interest. In multiple situations, it wasn’t at all the case. One of these cases ended up being a serious boyfriend for three years. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2003, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813/60 "2003-05-10T14:57:40Z")
File me, too, under the category of “man usually too shy/gentlemanly (delete as appropriate) to make a physical move before the third date.” In my case, certainly part of it is my generally shy nature, but I think for me a deeper influence has been the experiences of my female friends who say they’re very turned off by it. FTR, I didn’t have sex with the woman I married until after the wedding day. That’s what she wanted. Guys, you’re not going to explode if you don’t do it by the third date. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-dating/173813.md?page=4)