# I hate instant messaging **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 30, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864 "2010-04-30T14:24:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/1 "2010-04-30T14:24:27Z")
Seriously, we’ve got war, famine, pestilence, human rigths violations, crime, and QVC. But is there any worse example of human suffering than instant messaging? Last night I got home late and tired, and I just wanted to chill. I had a few minor things I needed to do first, a couple of them on my computer. One thing I needed to do was quickly check out some music that a friend had posted on Facebook. I logged on, found his songs, and clicked one of them to play. The first few measures were beautiful. His playing has really come along, and the sweet tones of his guitar were perfect for my relaxation. Ahh, welcome to peace and quiet. _popup_ “hey” “whatcha up to” “how ru” Oh god. My cousin knows I’m online and wants to chat, mostly about inane non-topics. I can’t really ignore her, she knows I’m online and ignoring her would be a bit rude. And I want to listen to my friend’s music, but I can’t do so without carrying on this extremely boring conversation that I just didn’t have the energy for. Call me. You’re welcome to leave a message. E-mail me. I’ll respond when I can give you my full attention. But to hang out waiting for friends and family to come online so you can distract them from whatever they’re trying to do just bugs me. And yeah, I know I can disable these things, but it sucks that they come enabled by default. Shouldn’t they be opt-in rather than opt-out? kthxbye ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/2 "2010-04-30T14:38:20Z")
_popup_ “hey” “whatcha up to” “how ru” “Hiya Cousin – doing fine, thanks. Sorry, but I’ve got some stuff I need to take care of before I hit the sack. I’ll catch you next time, ok?” And yeah, chats like this are annoying as hell. Is there a stealth mode? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/3 "2010-04-30T14:41:27Z")
That’s basically what I said. ---
**Author:** ![jonesj2205](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecc23a/32.png) [@jonesj2205](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jonesj2205)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/4 "2010-04-30T14:46:57Z")
Well it is a social networking site so I can understand why the default is enabled. The good news is if you make your chat status offline it stays that way until you change it or chat with someone, so it’s not like you have to keep doing it. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/5 "2010-04-30T14:52:25Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > she knows I’m online and ignoring her would be a bit rude. I ignore stuff like that all the time. Maybe I’m rude, but I’m happy.😃 \<–See? ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/6 "2010-04-30T15:00:51Z")
I stopped turning on IM after 5 PM unless i’m in the mood to chat. Otherwise my business partner sees me online and wants me to work. I turned off chat on Facebook a long time ago. The first time MY cousin said “hey what’s up?” at an in-opportune time. Silence ever since. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/7 "2010-04-30T15:07:44Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > I turned off chat on Facebook a long time ago. How? I’d search around for that option, but I have to be online for a while to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/8 "2010-04-30T15:19:18Z")
I ignore it all the time - who’s to say that since Facebook is up in some window that you’re actually looking at it? ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/9 "2010-04-30T15:20:06Z")
I keep mine offline on FB too, or I did until they did some recent update. I have all these old friends and distant relatives who decide to make chitchat with me and it inevitably comes to “hey let’s get together” and I don’t want to get together with these people. That’s why I have Facebook, so we can keep up THAT way. I never liked IMs from back in my AOL days either. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/10 "2010-04-30T15:26:57Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > I ignore it all the time - who’s to say that since Facebook is up in some window that you’re actually looking at it? Exactly. Just because you’re online doesn’t mean you’re in that window, or that you’re even at the computer. I don’t like IM either, or chat rooms. It was fun for awhile, when I first got the computer, but it got old fast. But then so did I. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/11 "2010-04-30T16:30:43Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > How? I’d search around for that option, but I have to be online for a while to do it. Just turned mine off. We have a company page that I monitor, but I bet friends think I’m goofing off on Facebook all day. Click on the chat in the lower left corner, the click on Options, you’ll see an Offline option. ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/12 "2010-04-30T16:35:21Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Just turned mine off. We have a company page that I monitor, but I bet friends think I’m goofing off on Facebook all day. Click on the chat in the lower left corner, the click on Options, you’ll see an Offline option. THANK YOU!!! I love my cousins, but they’re apt to pop in when I totally don’t feel like chatting. They’re far away, so it’s actually cool to chat when I feel like it, but they’re much chattier than I am. Tried to figure out how to go offline the other day and couldn’t find it. ---
**Author:** ![Elysium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3be4f8/32.png) [@Elysium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysium)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/13 "2010-04-30T16:42:09Z")
So true. I hate gchat as well. I have friends who seem to sit on gchat their whole work days just talking about nothing. I’ll keep my gmail open in a window just in case I get anything in, and I usually hide my availability. But I think gmail assumes you want to be on gchat if you’re signed in, so several times I get “Hey, what’s up!” messages. I’m at work, that’s what’s up. Working. In five different windows. Not chatting. I usually ignore it and if they ask me later just tell them I was too busy to even notice the chat was up. Who has time for that? ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/14 "2010-04-30T16:48:28Z")
The web works to make all these connections, we work to break them. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/15 "2010-04-30T16:50:50Z")
What is it with cousins? :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/16 "2010-04-30T17:10:46Z")
I love it. But I use it pretty much 100% for work, and I don’t allow casual friends to know my IM name. It’s a lifesaver for remote work; it’s a great solution for things that might take a while and don’t need constant active conversation. For example, a client might IM me saying “hey, what’s the URL and login info for the new DB server?” I might be in the middle of something, so I type back “sec…” I finish what I’m doing, then go dig around for the info they’re looking for, and IM them back. They’re not sitting on the phone listening to me type for 5 minutes, and they are also not tied to their desk waiting for my reply - they can run and get a cup of coffee or whatever and when they come back they have their answer waiting for them. They get an answer quicker than they would with an email. I didn’t have the intrusion of a phone call, where it’s awkward to say “let me call you back” or “wait for 5 minutes while I finish my current task and look up the info for you.” Plus phone calls always seem to involve at least several minutes of chit-chat, or the person isn’t at their desk and you have to try again or leave a message, or whatever. I think back situations with IM are either like the OP, where they’re being forced to casually chat at a bad time, or people who don’t seem to get the async quality of it and who treat it like a phone call. I know a few people like that, who will type something then sit and wait for a reply, and if it doesn’t come right away they act like you would on the phone if the other person was strangely quiet. “Hey, r u there? did u get my msg?” when they don’t get a reply in 10 seconds. But yeah, if I had friends/relatives who IM me like in the OP, it’d drive me nuts. Or if my mother figured out I was on IM all day and she started using it. I’d have to kill myself in that situation. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/17 "2010-04-30T17:11:04Z")
I always just happen to answer someone when they seriously need to talk, not just chat. That is a bad thing. I never realized how important inflection, timing, and facial expression are in a conversation until my gf was overseas and we could only talk via IM. Ouch, talk about misunderstandings. I finally got smart and would lead a statement with things like \ and such if I was being sarcastic just to be safe. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/18 "2010-04-30T17:15:26Z")
I turn facebook chat off every single damn day but there’s something screwy and if I reload a page it will sometimes open up again. Very frustrating especially when I check facebook just before leaving for the day and coming home to 47 chats all asking where I am. ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/19 "2010-04-30T17:21:13Z")
Heh, my cousin did this to me too, my first time on Facebook. We actually hadn’t chatted in a while so I caught up with her. Then I promptly turned it off and it has remained off ever since. I do use AIM though, but that’s for online-only friends, not people I know in real life. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2010, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864/20 "2010-04-30T17:30:42Z")
I think that the worst it ever got for me was when I was talking to someone over a web site’s e-mail system. We then moved to regular e-mail, which we were doing so rapid-fire that it was almost like texting. But she kept going with the web sites e-mail, AND she fired up that site’s chat. So it was like having three conversations all at once. It was out of control. I ended up closing that site so that it forced us to communicate on only one channel. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-instant-messaging/537864.md?page=2)