# I hate little kids. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 27, 2009, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660 "2009-02-27T14:54:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/21 "2009-02-27T17:14:24Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > And puppies. Fucking peeing everywhere and running around like little fuck heads. And don’t even get me started on fluffly little kitties. You need to shave the kitties before cooking. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/22 "2009-02-27T17:20:03Z")
Filthy curs. They all need to get jobs. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/23 "2009-02-27T19:57:55Z")
Everybody hates little kids. And the only people who don’t are birthing the little kids that the rest of us hate. Once I was waiting for a subway, and there was a tiny, soon-to-be person running around, screaming, dropping crumbs on itself (probably), and being a general pain in the ass. Finally, because it was only 2 or 3 years old and lacked coordination, the kid fell down and began to scream and whine loudly, presumably in pain. This continued for much of the train ride. Hey jerk, just because you’re not that good at running without falling on your face doesn’t mean you get to shriek while I’m trying to read the newspaper. People are trying to have conversations, or listen to iPods, and whatever else people do while waiting on trains, and you’re hollering and causing a huge commotion. Knock it off, already. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/24 "2009-02-27T20:07:28Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Ugh. Sticky, snotty, noisy, horrid gaping black holes of need. And some people make more than one of them! Imagine having 14 in 8 years, eight of them at one time! The mind boggles. Anyone who blames that grandmother for bitching has a screw loose. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/25 "2009-02-27T21:39:08Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > Mine’s 18 and still doing it. At least now he’s old enough that being told to think before he speaks and use his indoor voice might shame him into better behavior. I hate little kids for all the same reasons I hate adults, only you can’t yell at little kids and being snarky at them is pointless. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/26 "2009-02-27T23:04:38Z")
> [@5-HT](#): > > I thought that would be the case, but everytime I find a hot chick that will sleep with me, I end up hating her because of that. Wow, you got to hate a hot chick FOR sleeping with you? Cool! ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/27 "2009-02-27T23:19:56Z")
Yeah, I used to hate little kids, but then I was like, they are great for entertainment value. They are like pure Id. They are so funny. The ones that are actually well-behaved are a joy. The smart well-behaved ones are even more enjoyable. Even the bad ones crack me up. I got no kids of my own, so it’s easy to enjoy them. I recently volunteered to do Childrens’ Story Time at a local bookstore. I gotta tell you, it is so much fun! The kids are so into the books I read. I taught them to say “Good morning” and, “How are you?” in Spanish and they really liked it. So yeah, little kids can be a pain but I also find them fun! I guess if I actually had kids I might feel differently. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/28 "2009-02-27T23:24:26Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > But little kids are so much fun to talk to on the phone! > > “Hi, keighleigh, how are you?” > > “Good.” > > “How is school?” > > “Good.” > > “What was the most fun thing you did today?” > > “Dunno.” > > “Can you say anything longer than one word?” > > “Dunno.” > > “Alrighty then… can you put your mom back on the phone?” > > “Good.” This sounds like my 19 year old. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/29 "2009-02-27T23:28:00Z")
> [@Velma](#): > > I have a one year old, and while I love him like the dickens, I often remark that living with a toddler is like living with a tiny drunk. He staggers around bumping into things, falling over, hurting himself and others, and you end up cleaning up his vomit/poop all the time. He laughs at things that aren’t funny and flies into rages at small infractions. He falls asleep at random moments. > > It is a good thing he is cute, or I would have thrown him out by now. Mine has discovered that if she moves the dining room chairs over to the bookshelf she has access to all the things we’ve put out of reach. ---
**Author:** ![Iggins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Iggins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggins)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/30 "2009-02-28T00:20:56Z")
I’m sure that [Louis CK](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcnXpOygKGI) approves of this thread. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/31 "2009-02-28T01:50:36Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Why do they have to shout every damned thing that comes out of their mouth? And more importantly, at what age do they stop doing it? The boyfriend’s 5 year old son is cute for the most part, but jeez, dial it down a little, sport. I have two small boys. The air coming out of their mouths is the least of my worries. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/32 "2009-02-28T02:35:00Z")
> [@Velma](#): > > I have a one year old, and while I love him like the dickens, I often remark that living with a toddler is like living with a tiny drunk. He staggers around bumping into things, falling over, hurting himself and others, and you end up cleaning up his vomit/poop all the time. He laughs at things that aren’t funny and flies into rages at small infractions. He falls asleep at random moments. I think you need to read [this](http://www.momlogic.com/2009/02/my_toddler_is_kind_of_an_ahole.php). ---
**Author:** ![Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/278dde/32.png) [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/33 "2009-02-28T04:40:11Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > But little kids are so much fun to talk to on the phone! > > “Hi, keighleigh, how are you?” > > “Good.” > > “How is school?” > > “Good.” > > “What was the most fun thing you did today?” > > “Dunno.” > > “Can you say anything longer than one word?” > > “Dunno.” > > “Alrighty then… can you put your mom back on the phone?” > > “Good.” When a parent insists on putting their child on the phone with me, I take it as an opportunity to teach the child new vocabulary words. Unfortunately, the learning sessions never number more than one. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/34 "2009-02-28T14:18:10Z")
I often warn people with small children that I don’t have the grandpa gene. I don’t like most small children, and babies are just featureless blobs to me. I don’t want to hold them, and it’s impossible to interact with them. “Isn’t she cute?” No, “she” is red lump that is either sleeping, screaming, or gazing about uncomprehendingly. I have no compunction about grabbing a misbehaving grandchild and telling him to knock off the bullshit, and then telling my own child (now a parent) to please teach his children some manners. I can tolerate little girls, who are generally better-behaved than little boys, but children between 2 and 5 largely seem to be monsters in today’s world, learning to demand instant gratification at a very early age. Home schooled kids seem to be much better behaved than others. Christ, that sounds like an Andy Rooney piece. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/35 "2009-02-28T15:37:19Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > children between 2 and 5 largely seem to be monsters in today’s world, learning to demand instant gratification at a very early age. I actually don’t mind 'em so much at 2 - 4, because they really \*aren’t \*capable of a whole lot of impulse control. They really start to bug me around 5 or 6, when they \*are \*capable of it, and choose otherwise. And don’t get me started on “we let little Joey express his feelings freely”. Well, that’s not parenting. Parenting is \*teaching \*little Joey to express his feelings _appropriately_. And while you’re at it, you might want to impress upon little Joey that a. other people have feelings too, and b. he can expect to encounter maybe a couple of dozen people over the course of his entire life who really \*care \*about his feelings, so the constant “free expression” of them is unlikely to make him popular. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/36 "2009-02-28T15:53:50Z")
I used to think I hated little kids too… and sometimes they definitely make me uncomfortable or feel inconvenienced, but I figured out what really bothers me. I don’t understand why people make a big fuss about children. Protect the children, love the children, the children are helpless. It’s outright not true. Children are resilient, optimistic little fuckers who handle tragedy better than most adults, and it annoys the hell out of me how patronizing people can be to them. I had all sorts of shit happen to me as a kid, but I handled it all like a pro. My life didn’t actually become _hard_ until I became an adult and started thinking about how unfair it all was. Kids, for the most part, are all about living in the moment, and that’s why they tend to be significantly more happy than adults. In Seligman’s book _Learned Optimism_ he talks about how a very depressed child is about like a moderately optimistic adult in terms of explanatory style. Then sometime during puberty everything falls apart. It’s not that I don’t like kids… it’s that I don’t think of them as any more deserving of love and sympathy and attention than adults. As my husband put it, ‘‘You feel about humanity in general the way most people feel about children.’’ I think we all need love, attention, the occasional consequence-free trantrum, and playtime. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/37 "2009-02-28T17:48:51Z")
Every time I’m forced to interact with kids (and everytime I do so it is because I’m more or less forced into it) I do try to do my best for them. I try to teach them things that their parents probably don’t – there is no God, the educational system is trying to kill their capacity for independent thought, etc. But they’re too dumb to get it.😉 ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/38 "2009-02-28T19:00:51Z")
I’ve got two kids, and lemme tell ya a little something. They’re not so bad. Once you learn how resilient they are, and that slathering them with platitudes is one of the worst thing you can do to them (or anyone), the whole experience becomes a very organic one. You have to remember, we’re animals. Not metaphorically — _literally._ We are animals. Having a kid, is having a pet in some sense. You are raising a primate, opposable thumbs and all. And they’re clever fuckers. They’ll get into all kinds of shit, it’ll blow your mind. They’ll come up with ways to get around whatever fail-safes you have set up, you’d think they’re never going to live through the next month, let alone the next year. They’ll frustrate you, they’ll embarrass you, they get you so angry, you want to punch holes in the wall. But at some point, they surprise you. They grow some self-awareness. They might actually take a piece of your advice. Or even do something so creative or original or altruistic, it makes you realize there might actually be a point to having a kid after all. Something really cool, and wonderful is happening here. You can’t articulate it, and you’ll never see a demarcation anywhere, but at some point you look back, and can’t see the animal there anymore at all, but an individual you might learn from someday. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/39 "2009-02-28T19:03:15Z")
Yada yada yada. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660/40 "2009-02-28T19:31:51Z")
Yeah, fucking kids. They should grow the fuck up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-little-kids/487660.md?page=3)