I suspect you and I are quite similar - both in our limited desire to use our phones, and our dislike/confusion related to updates/clutter/monitoring/etc.
I quoted the above, mainly b/c if you are not comfortable going into Settings, you should develop at least a minimal awareness of doing so. For the longest time, I would just be frustrated when my phone would seem to change in some way I never wanted or told it to. At some point, I became more comfortable going into Settings and seeing if there was something I could do to eliminate the change. It still mildly pisses me off when my phone just starts performing differently. And the categories in Settings are not set up in a way that I consider intuitive. But I’ve been able to make a number of tweaks when the brightness or other things change.
Each update they want you to go to facial recognition, but I’m happy to stick w/ my 4 digits. Maybe should go to facial, but there is something about that I don’t care for. I initially hesitated about fingerprint access to my MacBook Air, but now it impresses me as very useful.
My iPhone has 3 screens for apps. 1 of them has 15 “basic” ones I use periodically: Notes, Settings, Maps, Clock, Calculator… Another has the whopping 3 apps I have intentionally downloaded for my use. The final screen has 24 BS preloaded apps that I’ve never opened and don’t even know what they do, but - for whatever reason - never decided to go thru the effort to delete. So I do not perceive my phone as too cluttered. I just scroll past the cluttered page.
I’m pretty readily able to airdrop photos from my iPhone to my MacBook. But I’m periodically stumped, such as recently when I wished to airdrop photos from a text someone sent me. Yeah, I probably coulda figured it out eventually, but as with so much tech, I decided it really wasn’t important enough to me to make the effort.
I went Apple because everyone else in my family did. I’m regularly amazed that Apple is supposed to be intuitive, because PC commands and setup make far more sense to me. (And don’t get me started as to the blankety-blank AppleTV remote!)
I keep my location off unless I want to turn it on in a specific situation. Probably a useless effort to protect my nonexistent privacy, but it is my preference. And with my very limited phone use, I get very little (none?) advertising. I don’t use my phone for anything other than phone calls, texts, photos, and the very occasional search when out and about. Otherwise, I do everything from my MacBook at home. I just prefer the size of the keyboard and screen, and when out, there are very few times that I care to be messing w/ my phone.
Given your posts - here and elsewhere - I’d wager that your issue is more with tech in general, rather than Apple specifically. With a little effort to rearrange icons and a little training on ignoring things, I bet you could lessen your Apple frustration.