# I hate my parents **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 4, 2003, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277 "2003-11-04T04:03:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/21 "2003-11-04T14:43:47Z")
NinjaChick…Chill out, clean your room, talk to your parents without that fucking tone I’m hearing, and talk to your counselor about getting testing help, and keep up the good volunteer work. Or your grounded. Do you hear me? Grounded. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/22 "2003-11-04T14:44:57Z")
You’re. I meant “You’re.” See? Now you got me all jacked up. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/23 "2003-11-04T14:44:58Z")
Meh. Parents suck. Ride it out, it won’t last forever. Things will change once you are out of the house and have your own things going for you. As for the school thing? Sorry, but school’s a joke. You aren’t failing, so I see no reason for them to be all over you on this. ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/24 "2003-11-04T14:51:08Z")
I’m agreeing with you on their motivations, **Bubba** , but disagreeing on their tactics. Threatening to take away the most positive thing in someone’s life in order to punish them is _not appropriate_. **Ninja’s** seventeen. She’s a good person. She _wants to succeed_. She’s earned respect on her own in several areas of her life. Taking away the computer, taking away her martial arts–These are attempts by her parents to control her. Why? I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/25 "2003-11-04T16:34:12Z")
**Rysler** I see where we disagree. But I gotta tell you, I say to my son,“Dude, you need to keep your grades up or you can’t play football.” Yep, I’m trying to control him - For his own well being. It’s kind of like when my boss says,“Bubba, you have to show up for work, or we’re going to quit paying you.” He’s a controlling SOB but I **do** like them payhecks. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_Heart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Angel\_Heart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_Heart)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/26 "2003-11-04T16:46:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BubbaDog \* > \*\*Your parents want you to get good grades. > Your parents want you to keep your room clean. > Your parents try to get you to do those things by threatening to take away things that you like. > > Yep, they must hate you. No other teenager has to put up with that crap. \*\* Her parents ignore the fact that she does all her homework but is struggling with the test part and might have a learning disability. Her parents ignore the fact that she is involved in volunteer and extracurricular activities rather than coming home every afternoon and parking on the couch or hanging out at the mall. Sure, why can’t she be like other teenagers? :rolleyes: **NinjaChick** , I was you five years ago. My parents wanted me to concentrate soley on my academics (which I already put as a priority) and ignore extracurricular stuff like theater and lacrosse. They gave me a hard time about this and even made me quit the lacrosse team briefly after I got a C in one course. I know your situation really sucks, but try to be calm and rational and take out your agression in practice 😃 Of course, remind your parents that TKD builds discipline and character. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/27 "2003-11-04T17:19:29Z")
Your mom has every right not to drive you to Tae Kwon Do. She does not have the right to throw your stuff away. You may want to make it clear to her that her throwing away your TKD weapons would be as hurtful as, say, you throwing away that expensive necklace of hers. Waggle your eyebrows meaningfully as you say this. If your mother decides not to drive you (or to pay for your lessons), you get to decide how you want to deal with that. Let TKD drop for a year? Drop out of school to pursue TKD professionally? Get a job that’ll enable you to afford to pay for your own lessons? When I was 17, I sat my parents down and told them that I was uninterested in their rules for my life, except inasmuch as I lived in their house and would try to be a decent roommate. They were welcome to continue supporting me financially, if they wanted to; if they did, I told them, I’d stay in school and graduate. Otherwise, I’d move out and drop out of school, so that I could get a full-time job and support myself financially. We came to an understanding. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/28 "2003-11-04T17:35:19Z")
I can sympathizer with the OP, but am really shocked at the level of parent-hating going on. I don’t see anything wrong with a parent threatening to revoke privileges in order to get a child to improve academic performance. **NinjaChick** , I feel for you, but I don’t see how your parents are so out of line in demanding a minimum academic standard. If you truly believe that your lagging perform ace is due to your disabilities, then that’s a serious talk that you need to have with both your folks and the administrators at your school. However, the ra-ra section we’ve got going here of ‘parents suck’ bugs me, especially the equating of a desire for good grades to a desire for children to be hetero. wtf? can a parent have no standards? and if so, are they allowed to do ANYTHING to enforce those standards in their house, while they foot the bill for their lovely, charming, teenage children? As people here have said, vent. It’s healthy. But maybe your folks are not the monsters you’re making them out to be. Before screaming ‘you’re not the boss of me’…maybe you need to think about whether they are being unreasonable in their expectations. ---
**Author:** ![Triss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Triss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triss)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/29 "2003-11-04T19:02:45Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by DanielWithrow_ > When I was 17, I sat my parents down and told them that I was uninterested in their rules for my life, except inasmuch as I lived in their house and would try to be a decent roommate. They were welcome to continue supporting me financially, if they wanted to; if they did, I told them, I’d stay in school and graduate. Otherwise, I’d move out and drop out of school, so that I could get a full-time job and support myself financially. Seriously? You “sat your parents down” and laid down the law, huh? Or did you sit 'em down and blackmail them emotionally? Ever think the only reason they didn’t kick your ungrateful bratty ass out of the house is because they cared too much about your future? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/30 "2003-11-04T19:21:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Triss \* > \*\*Seriously? You “sat your parents down” and laid down the law, huh? > > Or did you sit 'em down and blackmail them emotionally? Ever think the only reason they didn’t kick your ungrateful bratty ass out of the house is because they cared too much about your future? \*\* Hey, fuck you too, buddy! Yes, I sat 'em down and told them their choices. Emotional blackmail? Bullshit. It was a given that I wasn’t going to obey rules that I considered arbitrary; that was not up for negotiation, and it saved us all a bunch of heartache for me to remove that from the table. Had i not explained to them that I was willing to move out of the house, they might have tried to threaten me with kicking me out in order to get me to obey a rule I considered arbitrary. I was calling their bluff before they could make it (again). Of _course_ the only reason they didn’t kick me out was because they cared about me. What sort of ridiculous fool would think otherwise? That was exactly what I was making clear to them: the only determination they got over the direction of my life at that point was to choose whether to support me financially. Otherwise, I would be making my own decisions. They cared enough about influencing me on one particular path (graduating high school) that they supported me financially. Had they not cared so much about that, their options were clear and open to them. We each made our decisions. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/31 "2003-11-04T19:22:50Z")
Must …fight…probing…Stonebow…Triss…reading…my…mind…repeating…what …I…am…thinking… ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/32 "2003-11-04T19:25:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Triss \* > \*\*Ever think the only reason they didn’t kick your ungrateful bratty ass out of the house is because they cared too much about your future? \*\* Ungrateful? Did the unborn **DanielWithrow** hold a gun to their heads and force them to have him? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/33 "2003-11-04T19:35:05Z")
And for what it’s worth, I don’t regret my decision as an adult. First because my parents weren’t exactly showing stellar decisionmaking capabilities themselves around that time; second because I was making good decisions (holding down a job, scoring high on AP tests, maintaining honor roll status at a challenging school); and third because I’ve been able to maintain a much better relationship with my parents once we’re equals than I was ever able to have when I was subordinate to them. Again, if they thought I was ungrateful, they had the option to kick me out. They just didn’t have the option to make coerce me into making choices I considered poor. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/34 "2003-11-04T20:01:27Z")
Fuck em. Put your head down until you graduate. Move out to go to college or work. You’re almost done with them. ---
**Author:** ![Triss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Triss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triss)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/35 "2003-11-04T20:55:32Z")
**DW** : Oh, I’m sorry. I must have misunderstood you. I didn’t realize you were holding down a job _and_ going to school _and_ getting good grades! It’s hardly fair to require anyone to maintain respect for their parents under those circumstances. I must have forgotten that teenagers, with their superior wisdom and experience, are usually the best judges of parental guidance. And furthermore, parents must be models of perfection in order for teenagers to follow their rules. Especially when those teenagers are allowing their parents to support them! You are actually most magnanimous. Please forgive me. **Priceguy**? Stupid comment. You’re grounded. Now go to your room. **BubbaDog** You felt the probing, huh? Sorry. Next time, I’ll at least buy you dinner first. Deal? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Triss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Triss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triss)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/36 "2003-11-04T22:37:28Z")
Oh crap. **Priceguy**? I take back your grounding. When you whoosh The Mama, you get out of jail for free. Sorry. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/37 "2003-11-04T23:03:04Z")
OKay, now that I’m no longer foaming at the mouth in anger, I’m going to try and explain things (this time, in a slightly more organized and less-‘fuck’-ridden manner). 1. The school thing. I’m taking the hardest classes my school (a very competitive school) offers. IB classes (like AP, but some are harder, and they’re ALL that level). I do have high averages for class participation, homework, and so on. Generally, I spend 4-5 hours a night on homework and studying. Alas, I have been diagnosed with some anxiety problems (and that’s a grotesque understatement). This definitely includes tests, written or otherwise. Just recently, I’ve started working with the school on a plan, not just with each individual teacher. Unfortunately, this requires significant parental involvement. My parents think, and have told me, that it’s all in my head, and if I really wanted to, I could just ‘get over it’. We’ve been down this road before, met with my guidance counselor (who is an absolute saint), and my parents and I are not ever going to see eye-to-eye on this issue. 1. For about a month or so last year, I did move out, and stayed with a friend. I don’t have any sort of plan to drop out of school and live on my own. I know that there are two people who would let me move in if need be, as they know the situation I’m in with my parents. 2. The dig on my 400 classmates was uncalled for. I’m not very fond of the majority of them, but I’m not pitting them. My school is very competitive, that’s all. GPA and class rank are very obviously valued more than the actual ‘learning stuff’ deal. 3. About my mom giving me a ride: She’s not obligated to do so, no. Nor is she obligated to pay for my TKD training. I don’t claim she is (well, not when I’m thinking rationally). My problem is that she _knows_ how much it means to me, and if she’s pissed at me, she holds it over my head. If she were to say “Okay, no more of this,” stop paying, and refuse to drive me there, that would not mean the end of it for me. Most nights I do get a ride there and back, and I’ve talked to the head instructor about it: if I do a little more assistant teaching, he’d let me keep training for free. TKD isn’t just a hobby or a sport for me, it’s truly a huge part of who I am. There’s a spiritual level to it, for me, and my parents know that denying me training would be like keeping someone from going to church or synagogue. 4. About the cleanliness of my room: It’s a ‘typical teenage bedroom’. I’ve got dirty clothes on my floor and there’s a general aura of “Wow, there’s…stuff. Everywhere.” My desk, though, is generally neat. By the end of the evening, it’s not, because all of my previous work is out and about. By the time I leave for school the next day, the mess has been returned to its full upright and locked position (mostly in my bookbag, actually). My problem is when, say, I’m in the middle of writing a history essay or doing some calc problems and a parental unit comes in, tells me to stop what I’m doing, and clean up, right now. Doesn’t work that way, and those interruptions are really, really distracting for me. They know this, but again, “it’s all in your head”. 5. This could be a rant in and of itself: I’m getting C’s (average of about 76-78, with a C being 70-80) in the hardest classes the school offers. I am not failing any classes (as I was at this point last year.) A C is not a bad grade. All my top-choice schools look at your strength of curriculum and essays first. I have no desire to attend a college that would look at my academic record and say I was sub-standard. I don’t think that, considering what I’m working with and working _in_, I’m doing too poorly academically. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2003, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/38 "2003-11-04T23:11:14Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t see anything wrong with a parent threatening to revoke privileges in order to get a child to improve academic performance. I support revoking privileges such as television time, party time, even computer time. But TKD is a discipline and an outlet. It’s something she’s very good at so it is a release for her. A wise parent shouldn’t take away something that is so intricately apart of who she is – especially when she _is_ paying attention to her grades. There really are students who do well on all aspects of education _except_ test-taking. I think she can get help for that difficulty from the right person. And she should before continuing higher education. I don’t see much lack of support for the parents’ concerns here – only the way they suggest resolving the problem. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/39 "2003-11-05T00:25:32Z")
1. A seventeen year old is not an eight year old. Revoking TV priviledges or things is treating a seventeen year old as an eight year old, and makes the seventeen year old want to react as an eight year old would. 2. A rant like this does not come without background. I see no “fuck parents” theme here, I see a “fuck **NinjaChick** ’s parents” theme. I had a lot of issue with my parents when I was seventeen, and there were a lot of times that I was frutrated and felt that they didn’t understand me and weren’t acting in a way to help me. But I would never post something like this, because I knew that, misguided as they were, they were sincerely trying, and they were trying to do things in my best interest. I knew they loved me. It sounds like **NinjaChick** doesn’t have the same underlying relationship with her parents as I did. 3. Related to the first point, parents who ground their seventeen year olds get absolutely no respect from me. When a person is 15-17 is exactly the time parents should be trying to learn how to deal with them as adults. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/40 "2003-11-05T00:36:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stonebow \* > **I don’t see anything wrong with a parent threatening to revoke privileges in order to get a child to improve academic performance.** If the parent is doing this and ignoring or refusing to acknowledge a learning disability, then it is deeply wrong indeed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277.md?page=3)