# I hate my parents **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 4, 2003, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277 "2003-11-04T04:03:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![GKW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@GKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GKW)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/41 "2003-11-05T01:07:40Z")
On reading this rant my first thought was, why are her parents (who she fucking hates) alive and mine (who I adored) dead? Life’s not fair. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/42 "2003-11-05T01:22:29Z")
**GKW** , you may shut the fuck up. It is true that life is not fair, but you don’t have to be an asshole about it, do you? Anxiety does not just go away when the person with it is told “it’s all in your head.” And neither do whatever other learning disabilities might be involved here (you didn’t specify.) While I can understand **wanting** to say it, actually saying it is mean. Especially if the person in question is your own kid. I was a pain in the ass teenager. In my experience, all teenagers are. That does not mean that teenagers are always wrong and their parents are right. (I still can’t convince my mom how bad middle school was for me. I don’t think I ever will.) ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/43 "2003-11-05T03:35:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NinjaChick \* > \*\*II’m fucking tired of this. I’m seventeen, I have friends who actually care about me and their parents don’t think I’m a fucking waste of blood. \*\* Ah, yes. Of course. Just remember than in 10 years, 95-99% of your high school friends will not care if you’re alive or dead. You’ll have difficulty picking them out of a lineup, and vice versa. High school friendship lasts about two weeks into college. But you’ll still have the same parents. They may be frustrating, but running away from free food and rent would be appallingly stupid. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/44 "2003-11-05T03:50:13Z")
Maybe my son’s tae kwan do teacher is blowing sunshine up our asses, but one of the things he’s been saying is that martial arts will increase our son’s respectfulness. I understand why you’re mad, but your OP took me aback. ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/45 "2003-11-05T04:02:04Z")
I can say with some authority that not every parent is absolutely right. My own mother is a nutcase. Spoiled, wasteful, the Queen of exaggeration (Mom, can you actually read a clock?) and a hypochondriac of the biggest proportions. Unless she wants to, ain’t _NOTHING_ gettin’ done! She has some lameass excuse for every insane behavior of hers when I try… TRY to help her examine her life and all the problems she finds there. I want to get her into some therapy. I’ve come to hate her in my own way and when you scream, “Fuck you!” into your mom’s face a few times in the course of a conversation… it’s a big clue that something’s not quite right. I despair of ever finding my “real” mother underneath the layers of insanity, petulant child, and selfishness that have consumed her. And I want someone to come and shoot me dead through the brainpan if I **EVER** , _EVER_ become like her. Ninjachick, I completely understand and guess what? I’m 31… I am not a child any longer. Age means squat though, really. My mother is 54 but she turns emotionally 5 years of age when you try to offer real help or support. Nothing will work if she didn’t think of it first. Did I mention that she’s dangerous with a credit card? I am talking ghost/ninja/spy/monster dangerous!! I fear she may one day lose her house if she doesn’t ease up on that lil’ piece o’ plastic soon. She gets into this “It’s so pretty/nice/perfect” mindset and shops until she drops for stuff that she doesn’t need and usually complains about having to dust and/or move a few weeks later. It terrifies me to no end. Oh… my own grandmother gives her a monthly “allowance” because my mom just doesn’t have the strength to work. She has a bad back, thinks she has fibro myalgia, claims she has tinnitus, can’t walk/stand/sit for any length of time (hence no real job). She eats like a pig, literally she makes disgusting noises that make me shudder to hear, as well as eats junk food most of the time and barely exercizes, thinking she’s doing so well. I am saddened, disgusted, annoyed, terrified, and angry. Damn, I think I stole your thunder, Ninjachick… I’m sorry. I feel for you, I really do. Not every parent should have been a parent and for those who live with these kinds of people, my heart goes out to you. I won’t even get started on my father… ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/46 "2003-11-05T04:10:17Z")
You also don’t want to hear about my ex-husband’s alcoholic parents who decided to make the youngest son (my ex is the older) their favorite and play the two boys against each other their whole lives in some sick, cruel game. I’ll save that for later… ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/47 "2003-11-05T04:45:38Z")
There are two things here that make me feel like **NinjaChick’s** rant is not your everyday angsty teenager rant. First, her parents aren’t taking seriously a learning disability that’s been confirmed by the school’s counseling staff and which the school is now working on creating an IEP. Second, they’re interrupting her while she’s doing her homework to tell her to clean up her desk and room. I don’t know about you, but if I was busy doing homework, my parents wouldn’t have bugged me beyond “don’t forget this” unless the house was on fire. They were and still are very big on academic achievement, which means that in their house, homework was sacrosanct, and however we chose to do it - so long as it didn’t distract the other siblings from their homework - they were just fine with it. Had I encountered difficulties (and if one of my students ran into trouble) on tests while my homework and classwork grades were high, my parents would have done whatever necessary to make sure I got the help I needed, and even if they did think that some of my troubles were “all in my head” (which my dad does, btw), they would have acknowledged that “all in my head” is still real. **NinjaChick** , I would suggest that you have an adult in an authority position talk to your parents for you - but here’s the twist: have that person emphasize how helping you with your IEP, leaving you alone to do your homework, and allowing you to continue in your TKD studies makes them _look good_. Your parents sound like they’re more concerned with appearance than substance. Work that to your benefit. Failing that, stay with a friend or relative until you graduate high school, declare yourself an emancipated minor, and get on with your life. See if you can’t build a relationship with your parents as an adult, since you’re so unhappy with the one you have as a child. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/48 "2003-11-05T04:47:46Z")
And **whiterabbit** , where the hell did that hostility come from? That was uncalled for. ---
**Author:** ![Rhum\_Runner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rhum\_Runner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhum_Runner)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/49 "2003-11-05T05:24:20Z")
I suggest you print this out and hold onto it for ten years, chances are that you will be surprised at what a little bitch you were at 17. ---
**Author:** ![coffeecam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bc8723/32.png) [@coffeecam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecam)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/50 "2003-11-05T06:30:22Z")
**Rhum** did we read the same posts? This isn’t unfounded teen angst. There is a definate reason to the OP’s anger, frustration and attitude towards the parents. I suggest you reread your post and see what an idiot you sound like right now. CC ---
**Author:** ![Nightime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nightime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightime)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/51 "2003-11-05T07:10:57Z")
> [@](#): > > I suggest you print this out and hold onto it for ten years, chances are that you will be surprised at what a little bitch you were at 17. You should take your own suggestion (with the age changed to however old you are). ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/52 "2003-11-05T07:16:42Z")
**ninjaChick** , can you communicate with your parents by writing? I’m asking because for my final year of school I had a total communication breakdown with my mother, to the extent where the only way to discuss my feelings on something was to say ‘Mum. We’re only going to yell if we try and talk about this, so here’s what I think. Think about it, and discuss it with me _when you’ve thought about it_’ That system saw me through my last year of secondary school, and now that I’m not living at home and at uni, we get on much better. ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/53 "2003-11-05T07:28:02Z")
Of course, that might not work for you… can you try and get your parents to see that even if they can’t _understand_ why TKD is so important to you, they could perhaps see that it is important to you? An ‘I don’t get it, but I respect that it matters to you’ sort of a compromise . ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/54 "2003-11-05T13:46:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Triss \* > \*\ ***DW** : Oh, I’m sorry. I must have misunderstood you. I didn’t realize you were holding down a job _and_ going to school _and_ getting good grades! It’s hardly fair to require anyone to maintain respect for their parents under those circumstances. I must have forgotten that teenagers, with their superior wisdom and experience, are usually the best judges of parental guidance. And furthermore, parents must be models of perfection in order for teenagers to follow their rules. Especially when those teenagers are allowing their parents to support them! You are actually most magnanimous. Please forgive me. \*\* I reiterate: fuck off, buddy. I never said: - My wisdom was superior - I was the best judge of their parental guidance - Parents must be models of perfection I simply said: - My life, I decide what to do - Your life, you decide what to do. You can kiss my ass if that concept is beyond you. I advocate it for all teenagers: you’re starting to be an adult, you need to start thinking for yourself. At the same time, you need to be expecting less from your parents, and you need to be learning to deal with them as equals, not as your superiors. This means losing their service even as they lose your obedience. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/55 "2003-11-05T14:19:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cervaise \* > \*\*If the parent is doing this and ignoring or refusing to acknowledge a learning disability, then it is deeply wrong indeed. \*\* You’ll notice that I addressed this in my initial post. If the parents are not responsive, then she (of she feels adult enough) needs to go to her school counselor and ask for accommodation, or ask the counselor to speak to her folks. By law, schools need to make allowances for documented earning disabilities. And yes, I understand that Taekwondo is a ‘discipline’…would everyone here have the same outrage though, if this were a young man, and his parents (or coach, for that matter) said that he could not play football if he didn’t bring up his grades? Again, where is the unreasonableness in the expectation of a minimum level of academic performance? And no, a ‘C’ is NOT a good grade, whatever you might hear. My son has tried to sell me the same lines, too. As for **DanielWithrow** , surprisingly, I agree with you on some points. However, I, and most parents I know, tend to demand some level of adult behavior and responsibility **before** we are willing to concede adult privileges (and yes, Taekwondo lessons are a privilege). Age has nothing to do with it. I have a 9 year old that makes amazingly good grades in school, great study habits, reads on his own. He has a 12 year old brother that will quite often bring home Cs and even Ds, games all the time, and hates studying. Guess who has more privileges, despite the age difference? Guess who gets more slack when they do bring home a bad grade, or get into trouble in other ways? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/56 "2003-11-05T15:24:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stonebow \* > \*\*As for **DanielWithrow** , surprisingly, I agree with you on some points. However, I, and most parents I know, tend to demand some level of adult behavior and responsibility **before** we are willing to concede adult privileges (and yes, Taekwondo lessons are a privilege). Age has nothing to do with it. I have a 9 year old that makes amazingly good grades in school, great study habits, reads on his own. He has a 12 year old brother that will quite often bring home Cs and even Ds, games all the time, and hates studying. Guess who has more privileges, despite the age difference? Guess who gets more slack when they do bring home a bad grade, or get into trouble in other ways? \*\* I acknowledge that that makes sense in some cases. In my case, however, my parents were no longer in the position of being able to concede privileges to me; the only privilege they had to bargain with was the privilege of feeding me and housing me, and the only behavior I was willing to bargain for food and housing was remaining in school. My position at 17 was very different from my position at 12, for example, when my parents decided I ought not be playing role-playing games. In that case, I wasn’t in a position to bargain with them; instead, I gathered articles on the developmental benefits of roleplaying games and presented them to my parents in a (successful) bid to regain the privilege. When I was 12, I considered myself a child and subordinate to my parents. When I was 17, I did not consider myself a child. Now, coming up fast on 30, I believe my judgment at 17 was correct: explaining my position, and what I was willing to do to achieve my position, allowed my parents to make clear choices about what they wanted to do, and ended a lot of the agonizing fights we’d been having. It was good for them, good for me, and good for our relationship. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Triss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Triss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triss)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/57 "2003-11-05T16:06:52Z")
Well then, Daniel, why didn’t you explain it in those terms in your initial posts? Your tone was utter snot-nosed arrogance, kind of comical, really. “Explaining your position” is a bit different than (paraphrasing) “I sat my parents down and gave them a choice to continue to support me, on my terms, or I was moving out.” To say this to your parents, in _any_ tone, or in _any_ combination of words (let’s avoid getting into semantics, okay?) is indeed emotional blackmail, no way to tap-dance around that. Maybe that’s not really what you meant or even really what you said, but that’s how it came off in your initial post. And your further reasoned, thoughtful “arguments” like (paraphrasing) “Fuck off & kiss my ass if you don’t agree with me…” didn’t help to clarify your current age or level of maturity very much, either. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/58 "2003-11-05T16:12:21Z")
Riiight, **Tris** , whereas your referring to my “snot-nosed arrogance” demonstrates both your own maturity and your own humility. Last time: fuck off, buddy. You’ve been nothing but an asshole to me in this thread, so you’ve got no claim to the moral high ground here. If all you want is to continue your smarmy, arrogant, holier-than-thou assholery toward me, you’re welcome to do that, but don’t expect me to pretend like you’re being all friendly and respectful and mature, and don’t expect further responses. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/59 "2003-11-05T19:47:47Z")
Is there a way you could get to and from TKD classes without asking for a ride, like maybe taking the bus or riding a bike or carpooling with someone else? It’ll give your parents one less thing to hold over you and a little less time you’d have to spend with them. Patty ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277/60 "2003-11-05T20:31:33Z")
Well **Danny** , the snot nose arrogance thing came off loud and clear. I still get the impression that you think the child was raising the parents after your 12th birthday. I have a 17 year old son. I’m grateful that he isn’t as full of himself as you were. He’s made his arguments on many occasions. He didn’t “sit me down” and he didn’t try to blackmail me with threats to leave home (actually he outgrew that sort of stuff when he was 10), and most of all he knew that my decisions are based on love. He’s changed my mind and proven me wrong on occasion and done so without extreme bargaining tactics. You could learn a lot from my kid. Bubba [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-my-parents/211277.md?page=4)