# I hate you so much right now **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 24, 2010, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326 "2010-06-24T04:59:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/1 "2010-06-24T04:59:32Z")
After I left New Orleans, I went to live in NYC with my friend S, who is a firefighter there. Out of the goodness of his heart, S gave me a place to stay and supported me financially until I got a job and moved into my own apartment in Queens this month. So you can imagine how precious S’s friendship is to me. Enter B. B is a fellow firefighter and EMT at the same firehouse S works out. Me and B meet and hit it off right away. We begin dating. I’m crazy about B. We spend at least an hour together almost every day, squeezing time together in around both our schedules. Now B has a grudge against another EMT, who we’ll call Miss So-and-So. Today, for reasons known only to himself, B was trying to text message a friend of his “Miss So-and-So is a psycho bitch.” Only he accidently texted this to Miss So-and-So herself. :smack: She, understandably upset, calls him back demanding to know what the fuck he means by that. Now does B do the right thing and be a real man and own up to what he did? Fuck no. He tries to weasel out of it by saying “My girlfriend \*\*Mississippienne \*\*must’ve sent that text.” :eek: So Miss So-and-So calls S in a fury, wanting to know why I would do such a thing. S says, “That doesn’t sound like her at all” and calls me at work to ask me what the deal is. :eek: :eek: I, of course, have no idea what’s going on. Meanwhile, Miss So-and-So has also called the chief of their fire company, and he is fit to be tied. I get B on the phone and say, “What have you done. You used my name and tried to place the blame on me! You could’ve ruined my relationship with S forever! How could you do this? You need to face the consequences and take your licks.” B is grovelling to me, telling me he loves me and that nothing else matters but his relationship with me. I’m furious because as smart as B is, he couldn’t spare one brain cell to think that what he did could’ve screwed up my friendship with S. I’ve been dragged into a drama I had nothing to do with in the first place. I tell him, “I will forgive you, but that doesn’t magically make this better. My entire perception of you as a person has been shaken. You need to leave me alone for a couple of days, and you can consider our weekend plans cancelled.” It looks likely that B will be kicked out of his fire company for insubordination to an officer. I told him he needs to be thinking about begging them for a chance to resign, and writing sincere letters of apology to Miss So-and-So, S, the chief, and myself. I am so hurt! I feel so betrayed! My name has been dragged through the mud by the last person I would ever expect to do this to me. I never could’ve imagined B would be such a little weasel and try to place blame on me, of all people. The whole situation would’ve been half as bad if he’d been honest and owned up to what he did in the first goddamn place. I said I’d forgive him but I don’t know what’ll happen to us. He’ll need to show me he’s truly sorry and change his ways before I can be with him again. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/2 "2010-06-24T05:36:38Z")
What’s that saying - when people show you who they are, it’s your job to see it. Sorry about B. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/3 "2010-06-24T05:50:35Z")
I’m just wondering why you wrote this, and why you put it in the Pit. You must realize that there are going to be a bunch of people calling B all kinds of names. And given that you seem to think you’re going back to him at some point, I’m thinking that you won’t be liking the things people will be saying about him, especially since that might say something about you if you decide to go back to him. What are you hoping to get out of this? If you just wanted to rant and wanted support, I’d ask to get it moved to MPSIMS if I were you. If you wanted to see flames fly, I’ll get out the popcorn. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/4 "2010-06-24T05:56:19Z")
Text in haste, repent at leisure. Sounds like B has learned the hard way. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/5 "2010-06-24T08:54:49Z")
It looks like B’s career has been destroyed and he lost his girlfriend because he texted the wrong person. You’re upset because you could have lost a friend or suffered damage to your reputation. From where I’m sitting, it looks like your friendship and good name were never actually at risk, but your ex-boyfriend just had his entire life turned upside down. Have some sympathy. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/6 "2010-06-24T10:59:50Z")
He sounds like a little kid - confronted with his actions, he panics and tells a lie to blame someone else with no thought as to the consequences. I don’t think it was malicious, but it was cowardly and immature. I don’t know if I could be with someone who’s revealed himself like that. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/7 "2010-06-24T13:53:52Z")
> [@Mosier](#): > > It looks like B’s career has been destroyed and he lost his girlfriend because he texted the wrong person. > > You’re upset because you could have lost a friend or suffered damage to your reputation. From where I’m sitting, it looks like your friendship and good name were never actually at risk, but your ex-boyfriend just had his entire life turned upside down. Have some sympathy. 😕 It’s not because he texted the wrong person. It’s because _he lied and said the OP must have sent it_. That isn’t an accident (like sending a txt to the wrong person). That’s a decision to try to weasel out of an accident by 1 - lying, 2 - lying in a way that places the blame solely on your friggin’ girlfriend and 3 - is cowardly. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/8 "2010-06-24T14:04:55Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > He sounds like a little kid - confronted with his actions, he panics and tells a lie to blame someone else with no thought as to the consequences. I don’t think it was malicious, but it was cowardly and immature. I don’t know if I could be with someone who’s revealed himself like that. This: I don’t think B has the maturity level to be in a relationship with anyone at this point, if this is his first instinctive response to making a mistake. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/9 "2010-06-24T14:21:48Z")
Do firefighters typically involve their chief in their text-message dramas? Or, more pointedly— is it common for adult firefighters to behave like catty middle-schoolers over trivial personal matters? ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/10 "2010-06-24T14:32:37Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > It looks likely that B will be kicked out of his fire company for insubordination to an officer. …to be replaced by General Petraeus? ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/11 "2010-06-24T14:54:49Z")
I’m really surprised that he’d get kicked out because of this. I’m also really surprised that the chief is involved. WTH? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/12 "2010-06-24T15:00:20Z")
Seriously, if I were the Chief, my response would be “grow the hell up and solve this problem.” This would not be a firing offense. If anything, I think B would have a claim of truth as a defense to the message in the text itself based upon So-and-so’s actions regarding this situation. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/13 "2010-06-24T15:04:17Z")
If S knows you, and more importantly if S knows B, then he’ll take you at your word. I mean, the fire chief seems to have figured it out. I think that sometimes when people move they are very ready to make connections and often start relationships (friendships or dating) that start up and then fizzle out. You’re going to meet so many interesting people during your time in NY, move on and go meet them. ---
**Author:** ![BwanaBob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bwanabob/32/2985_2.png) [@BwanaBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BwanaBob)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/14 "2010-06-24T15:04:55Z")
Any “grown up” man who sends texts that look like they were sent by a teenage girl is perhaps not really grown up after all. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/15 "2010-06-24T15:10:33Z")
If he’s getting fired over it, then it aint the only mistake. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/16 "2010-06-24T15:59:02Z")
That was a dumb text to send, and it was dumb to try to weasel out of it. I can understand why _you’re_ mad, but I can’t understand why the chief is involved or why his job is at stake. Lots of people hate their coworkers and/or bosses. It’s the boss’s job not to care. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/17 "2010-06-24T16:02:21Z")
To those surprised that he could get fired over it: their company has strict rules about insubordination. Miss So-and-So outranks him, and him sending her a message like that falls under their insubordination rules. When she called the chief, his words to her were, “Do you want him gone?” I absolutely think I am in the right for being pissed. I was dragged into this through no fault of my own, and someone I trusted tried to put the blame on me. If S had believed B’s story, he would’ve thought I was an underhanded little bitch who sent harassing texts to members of his fire company. I mean, S isn’t just a pal. He’s not someone who takes me out for donuts once in awhile. He let me live in his home rent-free from February to June and supported me financially. That’s a rare friend. For his part, B needs to suck it up and take his punishment, and I’ve told him so. Regardless of what happens, I’m going to tell him we can only be friends right now. He has shown himself to be bad relationship material. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/18 "2010-06-24T16:11:00Z")
Agree with you completely, **Miss**. Consider as well that he’s now probably sending nasty texts about you, too. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/19 "2010-06-24T16:19:18Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > He has shown himself to be bad relationship material. And that’s being extremely charitable about it. Right now, he’s a totally untrustworthy jerk. Dishonest, careless, and about as far from being a stand-up guy as one can imagine. He may or may not grow up someday. It isn’t worth waiting around to see whether he does or not. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326/20 "2010-06-24T16:23:45Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Do firefighters typically involve their chief in their text-message dramas? > > Or, more pointedly— is it common for adult firefighters to behave like catty middle-schoolers over trivial personal matters? Let me guess - bored on night shift? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hate-you-so-much-right-now/544326.md?page=2)