# I have a confession to make. When I see an attractive woman, in any context, my concentration shifts **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 9, 2019, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395 "2019-08-09T06:12:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nate/32/13085_2.png) [@nate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nate)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/1 "2019-08-09T06:12:08Z")
I was just watching a in depth scientific documentary about something that would be really boring to most people (the new SI definition). Obviously, my goal of watching this was to learn about the subject matter. But about half-way through there was an attractive commentator (female) and it just sent my mind off into imagining having sex with her. It was distracting and I lost interest in the documentary. I think if men were completely honest, they’d admit of the same sort of thing happening to them. Like an attractive woman can completely distract you from whatever you were doing. And you don’t have control over that. You can’t power through it. It just happens and you have to recognize it for what it is and accept it and move on and try to get back to whatever you were focused on before. You women might not realize this struggle. Sometimes I think to myself how I understand the berka taking effect in the middle east, I think it would help me, but damn even women’s eyes with everything else covered can shift my mood into a more animalistic mode rather than a more civilized demeanor. I’d bet my life it’s like this for 98% of males. I mean, I’m kind of curious about if you were really honest, walking down the street and you see any attractive women, how can you help your brain not automatically think “damn, I’d like to fuck the hell out of that”. Especially if they are dressed in some sort of risque, butt-cheeks hanging out, skinny tanned legs outfit. Sorry in advance. Sometimes I just feel like posting what is on my mind. ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/2 "2019-08-09T06:19:00Z")
It’s none of your business what anyone is wearing, nor their problem if you get “distracted”. ---
**Author:** ![nate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nate/32/13085_2.png) [@nate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nate)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/3 "2019-08-09T06:23:26Z")
Well no shit, I’m not blaming the women. I’m blaming my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/4 "2019-08-09T06:24:35Z")
Really? I just threw up in my mouth alittle. ---
**Author:** ![nate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nate/32/13085_2.png) [@nate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nate)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/5 "2019-08-09T06:27:24Z")
…but I don’t believe my mind is much different than your typical male mind. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/6 "2019-08-09T06:31:46Z")
Yeah, that’s mostly just you. Sorry, man. ---
**Author:** ![nate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nate/32/13085_2.png) [@nate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nate)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/7 "2019-08-09T06:36:23Z")
Don’t feel sorry for me, I think I’d feel worthless if I **didn’t** change moods if distracted by a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/8 "2019-08-09T06:38:23Z")
Grow up. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Cleophus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e57/32.png) [@Cleophus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cleophus)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/9 "2019-08-09T07:26:09Z")
Speaking as another man, this is a you-problem. And just to be clear, there’s noticing someone is attractive and there’s not being able to control your own thoughts. This is a case of the latter. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/10 "2019-08-09T10:25:29Z")
Well yes. attractive women have that effect on me. Only very attractive women have ever reduced me to the dribbling idiot category, but even now, in the twilight of my years, my concentration shifts if I see an attractive women. Of course in context: I have no public contact at work, and it can go days without me seeing any women at all. But I’m not thinking about fucking, and I’m certainly not using that kind of language in my mind. It’s just arresting: a kind of mental blankness. ---
**Author:** ![Heracles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heracles/32/487_2.png) [@Heracles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heracles)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/11 "2019-08-09T11:10:08Z")
I’ll echo **Melbourne** , in a way. I’m gay and working in IT, so mostly with guys. For most of my career I’ve been lucky (?) enough to not have to work with very attractive coworkers, but right now I am in that situation. Sometimes a colleague is talking to me and I need to make an effort to understand him because I’m looking at his amazing eyes or (different guy) his pleasantly-shaped, well-tanned arms. But it’s distraction, it’s not in terms of banging anybody. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/12 "2019-08-09T11:32:19Z")
1. It’s trivial to note that a person might notice another person’s attractiveness 2. It’s not a “struggle” to deal with such feelings 3. Get over it 4. It’s not the other person’s burden to have to know that you are required to deal with this triviality in order to get on with business ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/13 "2019-08-09T11:56:07Z")
I recall going to a lecture by an astonishingly beautiful woman. Of course I noticed, but managed to listen to the lecture. In fact, I went home and improved her results and we ended up writing a joint paper on the subject. So I did get over it. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/14 "2019-08-09T12:17:29Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Really? > I just threw up in my mouth alittle. That is sooo hot. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/15 "2019-08-09T12:17:26Z")
I think you may be conflating more than one thing: 1. You notice attractive women and are, well, attracted to them, especially if they’re provocatively dressed or showing some skin. 2. You’re easily distracted—like Homer Simpson going off into a reverie at the mere mention or sight of tempting food, or even a [bird](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsKOYQ7z9CE) or a [dog with a puffy tail](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivPFlKyeypU). 3. The way your mind processes the “information” and tells you what to do about it—your “damn, I’d like to fuck the hell out of that” vs. **Melbourne** ’s “I’m not thinking about fucking, and I’m certainly not using that kind of language in my mind. It’s just arresting: a kind of mental blankness.” When you see a (picture of a) juicy steak or a piece of pie, does your brain automatically think, “Damn, I’d like to eat the hell out of that”? Do you stop and fantasize about eating it, instead of going about your business? 4. You say this is not your issue, and I believe you, but it is an issue with some men: Realizing that any reaction you have is totally your problem to deal with, not the woman’s or anyone else’s. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/16 "2019-08-09T12:35:15Z")
I’ve been in that exact situation, except with attractive men. But it’s more like “I’d like to be with him” or at most “I’d like to kiss him.” It never gets to the “I’d give anything to fuck him” level, and it never compromises my concentration. What you’re displaying is immaturity. Get over it and keep it in your pants. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/17 "2019-08-09T12:37:33Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > I recall going to a lecture by an astonishingly beautiful woman. Of course I noticed, but managed to listen to the lecture. In fact, I went home and improved her results and we ended up writing a joint paper on the subject. So I did get over it. Is “writing a joint paper” what you kids are calling it nowadays? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/18 "2019-08-09T13:23:11Z")
> [@nate](#): > > I’d bet my life it’s like this for 98% of males. I’m curious why you think this. I’m not saying you’re wrong (or right), but it just seems weird to conclude this at the same time you’re making a “confession”. People typically don’t confess to things that happen to half the population. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/19 "2019-08-09T13:39:12Z")
Hm, it works differently for me. When I’m something about a topic that interests me, and the topic is being presented by a physically attractive woman, yes, of course I notice her physical attractiveness, and can feel myself being attracted to her. But for me, it’s not a contest between the topic matter and her beauty. Rather, her physical attractiveness and the fact that she’s talking about something of interest to me work together, with the result that I’m paying heightened attention both to her appearance _and_ to what she’s talking about. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/20 "2019-08-09T13:49:08Z")
I don’t think I’ve got it as heavy as you, it doesn’t happen with most attractive women and it’s usually wordless for me but yeah, it may be common among men, whether they’re straight, gay or bisexual. It might get under-reported though because, as you can see in this thread, it can get people to respond to you like you’re an incipient rapist. Biological drives can be like that; They run deeper than higher brain processes and can disrupt them. If I’m hungry and I see food, I might get distracted. I eat and then I don’t get distracted for a while. Or, if I can’t eat at that time, I use meditation techniques. Or if I can’t quite manage it, I get distracted for a while. Unless it makes me miss something important, it just means I got distracted because I found something more interesting to think about. I get that with kittens and puppies too. What bubbles up from your mind isn’t a problem so much as what other-affecting behaviors it causes. If it doesn’t negatively affect others, and unless I missed something nothing in the OP suggests your behavior does, it’s just called being horny. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395.md?page=2)