# I have a confession to make. When I see an attractive woman, in any context, my concentration shifts **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 9, 2019, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395 "2019-08-09T06:12:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/61 "2019-08-09T22:36:24Z")
I’ve found myself distracted by a woman’s appearance before. The distraction never leads to any specific line of thought - I just find myself forced to notice her. The distraction is always momentary, but it can happen repeatedly withing a single encounter - after my attention is drawn more than two or three times in the same encounter I actively focus my attention away from whatever about her is distracting me - I’m there for something else, after all. I find myself similarly distracted by this one shirt one of my coworkers wears. It’s not revealing, but damn if it doesn’t look like it’s inside out. The seams and edges are darker than the main fabric and everything. At a cognitive level I’m sure it’s actually meant to look like that, but damn is it distracting. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/62 "2019-08-09T22:36:54Z")
I am easily distracted by a nice-looking woman. And I will admit my mind instantly thinks of sex. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/63 "2019-08-09T22:52:49Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Just the details, IMO (and posting a thread on a public board is “IRL”). [IRL](https://www.grammarly.com/blog/irl-meaning/!) > [@](#): > > The Meaning of Irl > > Irl stands for in real life, which indicates that we’re talking about our normal, everyday life and not the digital lives we lead online. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/64 "2019-08-09T22:53:09Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > It might get under-reported though because, as you can see in this thread, it can get people to respond to you like you’re an incipient rapist. This. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > That’s how I read that post. And starting a thread is an IRL activity. > > I don’t agree, I think it’s interesting to read about other people’s inner dialogues, even when they are sometimes disturbing. And this is the Straight Dope, not my workplace, say, where those comments would be considered “creating a hostile environment”. But I can certainly see how some would prefer not to be confronted with evidence that other posters routinely objectify them. Also this. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/65 "2019-08-09T23:01:43Z")
OP, I’ll meet you halfway. It’s true that most of us, if we’re being honest, notice attractive people of our preferred gender(s). And it’s also perfectly normal to have sexual thoughts with some frequency. But, to become distracted to the point of not being able to focus on anything else is _not_ normal. Using the objectifying, degrading, and frankly sleazy language you used in your post is just not cool. And suggesting that it’s the ladies’ fault your’re a hopeless horndog makes you sound like a rapist on trial. So I’ll add my voice to the chorus suggesting that you grow the fuck up. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/66 "2019-08-09T23:04:30Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Is “writing a joint paper” what you kids are calling it nowadays? It was the precursor to “Netflix and chill”. 😉 > [@Shodan](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Originally Posted by Larry Miller > > If women knew what men were really thinking, they would never stop slapping us. > > Therefore, the trick is only to let them know in circumstances where they won’t. > > […] > > Regards, > Shodan I read “slapping” as “laughing”. Your statement works either way. 😛 > [@Icarus](#): > > I am not a psychologist - but there is a school of thought and theory of treatment that focuses on ones “inner monologue”. The thoughts we carry around impact how we feel, and behave and interact with others, and we do have some control over them. If we are constantly thinking “I am a loser” it is a good idea to learn how to talk your brain out of thinking that, etc. This sounds like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). It’s widely accepted as a valid approach to psychotherapy, I believe. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/67 "2019-08-09T23:07:00Z")
In what way did he suggest that it was the ladies’ fault? Post#3 he specifically says " Well no shit, I’m not blaming the women. I’m blaming my mind." ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/68 "2019-08-09T23:20:23Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > In what way did he suggest that it was the ladies’ fault? Post#3 he specifically says " Well no shit, I’m not blaming the women. I’m blaming my mind." These bits: > [@nate](#): > > You women might not realize this struggle. Sometimes I think to myself how I understand the berka taking effect in the middle east, I think it would help me, but damn even women’s eyes with everything else covered can shift my mood into a more animalistic mode rather than a more civilized demeanor. > > […] > > I’d bet my life it’s like this for 98% of males. I mean, I’m kind of curious about if you were really honest, walking down the street and you see any attractive women, how can you help your brain not automatically think “damn, I’d like to fuck the hell out of that”. Especially if they are dressed in some sort of risque, butt-cheeks hanging out, skinny tanned legs outfit. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/69 "2019-08-09T23:48:03Z")
I had a decorator that used to work with me, she looked like Lonnie Anderson but was prettier and much more developed in all areas. Cars would rear end each other looking at her. She dressed extremely sexy and had an extreme body to go with it. Was she dangerous?? The platinum blond hair was good for catching men’s eyes. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/70 "2019-08-09T23:53:56Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > These bits: I just don’t see how that is blaming women even if he could have worded it more diplomatically. He’s not ascribing any motives to their clothing choices. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/71 "2019-08-09T23:55:15Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > [IRL](https://www.grammarly.com/blog/irl-meaning/!) Alright. Whatever you call it, and this is an incredibly small thing we’re arguing about, posting on a public message board can actually affect others. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2019, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/72 "2019-08-09T23:56:46Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I had a decorator that used to work with me, she looked like Lonnie Anderson but was prettier and much more developed in all areas. Did you mean Loni Anderson, or Louie Anderson? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2019, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/73 "2019-08-10T00:04:57Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > I just don’t see how that is blaming women even if he could have worded it more diplomatically. He’s not ascribing any motives to their clothing choices. Motive isn’t part of blame. Cause is part of blame. He’s saying that his wayward thoughts can be blamed on their clothing choices. And yeah, it really did seem two steps away from “She was asking for it, your honor!” ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2019, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/74 "2019-08-10T00:30:47Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Did you mean Loni Anderson, or Louie Anderson? 🙂 Loni Anderson ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2019, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/75 "2019-08-10T00:38:08Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > Motive isn’t part of blame. Cause is part of blame. He’s saying that his wayward thoughts can be blamed on their clothing choices. > > And yeah, it really did seem two steps away from “She was asking for it, your honor!” Not in anyway. Revealing clothing catches the eye. If you’re going to deny that reality, I don’t know what to say. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2019, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/76 "2019-08-10T00:45:33Z")
I was at At Home (a home decoration store) this afternoon and I saw a very attractive woman wearing shorts that showed a lot of leg and accentuated her posterior. I glanced at her a little longer than I might have otherwise glanced at a less attractive woman but I had no problem going about my business with no distractions. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2019, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/77 "2019-08-10T01:15:18Z")
**Moderator Note** > [@Helena330](#): > > Agreed. I reported it last night. Crickets. First of all, let me apologize for the delay. I did not receive the post reports until today, and even then I did not have time to respond to them at that time (Friday is always busy for me at work). Second, while the OP certainly has some issues, I think overall everyone has done very well with this thread. I think the best thing to do under the circumstances is just to let the thread continue. Hopefully **nate** will take the time to carefully read all of the responses, both to understand why his response is not the same as 98% of males out there, and also to understand why many in this thread are finding his post to be so offensive. We really do not want to encourage posts along the lines of “women make me want to have sex”, and we definitely do not want to encourage men’s locker room types of posts where men just talk about who they want to have sex with and why. But if we can have more discussions like this one where people actually explain the issues and try to give some enlightenment and understanding to those who are clearly lacking in it, I think that’s actually a good thing. I will try to monitor this thread as best as I can going forward, and again, apologies for not being able to get to it sooner. ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2019, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/78 "2019-08-10T01:31:31Z")
Many people like to wear sexy clothing and appreciate being noticed, but- think about it for a second- if you are causing auto accidents, spilling coffee, or blanking out during lectures then the true issue really isn’t with revealing clothing or how stupefyingly beauteous you happen to think someone is. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2019, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/79 "2019-08-10T01:47:06Z")
> [@engineer\_comp\_geek](#): > > **Moderator Note** > > First of all, let me apologize for the delay. I did not receive the post reports until today, and even then I did not have time to respond to them at that time (Friday is always busy for me at work). > > Second, while the OP certainly has some issues, I think overall everyone has done very well with this thread. I think the best thing to do under the circumstances is just to let the thread continue. Hopefully **nate** will take the time to carefully read all of the responses, both to understand why his response is not the same as 98% of males out there, and also to understand why many in this thread are finding his post to be so offensive. > > We really do not want to encourage posts along the lines of “women make me want to have sex”, and we definitely do not want to encourage men’s locker room types of posts where men just talk about who they want to have sex with and why. But if we can have more discussions like this one where people actually explain the issues and try to give some enlightenment and understanding to those who are clearly lacking in it, I think that’s actually a good thing. > > I will try to monitor this thread as best as I can going forward, and again, apologies for not being able to get to it sooner. The rest of the thread is no problem. It was the degrading language in the first post. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2019, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/80 "2019-08-10T01:59:51Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I had a decorator that used to work with me, she looked like Lonnie Anderson but was prettier and much more developed in all areas… > [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Did you mean Loni Anderson, or Louie Anderson? 🙂 I swear to Jeebus I read that as Louie Anderson. Time for a vision check. mmm [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395.md?page=5)