# I have a confession to make. When I see an attractive woman, in any context, my concentration shifts **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 9, 2019, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395 "2019-08-09T06:12:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2019, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/141 "2019-08-13T09:30:57Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > At this point, it sounds like **nate** is describing a mental illness. Having so little control over your mental stability that a fairly common occurrence can completely throw you off your game and render you unable to function in society? > > First, that ain’t 98% of people. If it were, there’d be a lot more car crashes. > > Second, that’s a description of a mental problem, the sort that would probably be helped by a professional. Consulting a professional might be embarrassing, I presume that’s why nate went online. Not that it’s a bad idea. But yes, if it affects your driving and causes you to ignore someone talking to you, especially when it’s your wife telling you to stop that, it’s a problem. Not an insolvable problem, not an identity-defining problem but a problem that should be worked on. Nate, right now, try looking at pictures of women you find attractive for 10 seconds then look away and don’t come back to them for an hour. If you can’t do that, don’t think 98% of men are like you. It’s the other way around. The more you indulge that trait, the stronger and more difficult to dig yourself out of it’s going to get. ---
**Author:** ![CaptainE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71c47a/32.png) [@CaptainE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptainE)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2019, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/142 "2019-08-13T11:49:41Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > You’re right, you can’t not see an attractive woman or man. What you _can_ do is not post on a message board how you’d like to “fuck the hell out of that”, or continue to ogle even after your wife has expressed her discomfort. You’re not culpable for every sexy thought that passes through your hindbrain; but you _are_ responsible how you act on them. Saying “Damn, I’d like to fuck the hell out of that” - and you really should go back and re-read **Manda JO** ’s posts on how demeaning it is to be referred to as a “that” - _is_ acting on your impulses. Which is why you’re being taken to task in this thread. I find it amusing that the op is taken to task for objectifying women by using the word “that” as if saying, “Damn, I’d like to fuck the hell out of her” would have been perfectly acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2019, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/143 "2019-08-13T13:35:28Z")
> [@Jay\_Z](#): > > So the lesson for the next person is to keep his or her thoughts to his or her self, and learn nothing, lest there be burning eyes. Got it. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > The lesson for the next person is to think about how his words may affect those who read them (including women, or others that he doesn’t immediately identify with) and consider rephrasing his thoughts to use less offensive language. I think Nate could have shared his thoughts in a more so m sensitive way. Of course, I also think he could have moved his eyes back to the road, and away from the beautiful woman, so who knows, maybe I’m wrong about that. Can’t put it any better than that. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2019, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/144 "2019-08-13T21:05:34Z")
> [@CaptainE](#): > > I find it amusing that the op is taken to task for objectifying women by using the word “that” as if saying, “Damn, I’d like to fuck the hell out of her” would have been perfectly acceptable. It would have not been acceptable, but it would have been less objectionable because it at least acknowledges that the object of his desire is a _person_ as opposed to a _thing_. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2019, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/145 "2019-08-13T21:21:14Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > If someone is going to have this kind of reaction, looking away might make things worse, since the idealized image is stored. A second glance might reveal imperfections, which we all have, that could reduce the distraction. > Most men learn to hide the distraction by the end of high school. Speaking as a man, this is absurd. I’ve looked at breasts. I’ve looked away from breasts. Looking away does, indeed, lessen the grip the visual stimulus has on your attention. > [@Kimstu](#): > > Just noting that women in general have all these responses too. Being aroused and thinking sexual thoughts about a random attractive person, with accompanying conscious self-supervision, is not at all an exclusively “dude thing”. > > Maybe becoming sexually fixated on a random attractive person to the extent of being unable to control one’s behavior is a more male than female tendency, but from the responses here it doesn’t sound at all representative of men either. I don’t think that the varying tendencies are in inherent in the gender; I just think that a man can _get away with_ being a horndog a lot more easily than a woman. We hear it from all directions, how “boys will be boys” and how “we can’t help it”. If women are hearing such things I’m unaware of it. This applies double if the person did most of their maturation\* more than fifteen years ago. \*so to speak ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2019, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/146 "2019-08-13T22:51:54Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > It also has an effect on your driving. If you really can’t think of anything other than sex whenever you see a woman you find attractive, and you can’t keep that switch in attention from lasting more than a split second: then please don’t drive. I have an excellent driving record and really low insurance rates as a result. But I have had several close calls over the years, due to the exact thing we are talking about here. If we could do some kind of omniscient research about accidents, I bet this would loom large, right up there with alcohol and texting, as reasons for car crashes. (I look forward to the much safer self-driving car future, even though it will end my nascent Uber-driving “career”.) > [@CarnalK](#): > > Also, we’re talking about another person, how many “second glances” do you figure they are comfortable with? Sunglasses are very helpful in this regard. > [@Nava](#): > > 5 or 6 short ones, sure. Our point was that we (a bunch of girls between 17 and 23 who according to the OP have no idea what it’s like to have sexual thoughts) only had a single sexual thought each day, one which lasted from “when I woke up” until “when I fell asleep”; we couldn’t even pinkyswear that our dreams were perfectly chaste (they probably weren’t). This is super interesting and a great example of why this thread is valuable. So do you call bullshit on the claim we so often hear that men are visual and women are more about a narrative? > [@control-z](#): > > If OP didn’t realize this was an issue he wouldn’t have posted it as a confession. IMO people should help him by explaining rationally what they think is wrong, not shame him or take what he wrote personally. Otherwise other people with confessions like this that see OP getting beat up may just not share at all and can’t learn anything by hearing the various opinions and feedback. This. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/147 "2019-08-14T00:52:38Z")
So… you are saying that your concentration or focus is easily interrupted by other biological factors? Ok then, not sure why that’s remarkable much less controversial. Concerning the 98% in your OP I’d dispute that but i don’t have a cite. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/148 "2019-08-14T01:50:31Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > So… you are saying that your concentration or focus is easily interrupted by other biological factors? Ok then, not sure why that’s remarkable much less controversial. Concerning the 98% in your OP I’d dispute that but i don’t have a cite. No he is not saying that. He’s saying he can’t watch a tv show or talk with his wife if an attractive woman is in his sightline. Even if the attractive woman is in the tv show he wants to watch. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/149 "2019-08-14T01:53:23Z")
I hereby formally request that this thread get moved to the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/150 "2019-08-14T02:09:11Z")
Why? What burning insult will quench your anger? The fact is, guys have been raised forever to accept the mental laziness that the OP displays. Insulting will do little good. nate has to understand that his sex fixation is no better than people who develop elaborate revenge fantasies when they are cut off in traffic. Insults will just make him dig in against the “feminazis”. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/151 "2019-08-14T02:11:12Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I hereby formally request that this thread get moved to the Pit. How about just start a new Pit thread or 10? It’s not like there is a practical limit on threads. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/152 "2019-08-14T02:12:47Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > No he is not saying that. He’s saying he can’t watch a tv show or talk with his wife if an attractive woman is in his sightline. Even if the attractive woman is in the tv show he wants to watch. That is odd. Definitely not 98% of males are that afflicted. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/153 "2019-08-14T02:25:43Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > That is odd. Definitely not 98% of males are that afflicted. Yeah, not being able to watch the tv show was the entirety of the first paragraph of the OP. Odd that you missed it, too. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/154 "2019-08-14T02:31:42Z")
I’ve a male approaching 40 and have always been hypersexual compared to just about anyone I’ve been close enough to talk about it with. When I first see a women I couldn’t even tell you if she was beautiful because my mind basically says TITS!!!. But it happens so fast that there isn’t a thought of sex or anything, or maybe all those thoughts are wrapped up into the one moment of lust. But for me at least, it really is just a moment, just a flash, and anything after that is in my control. I don’t see how it could distract you from something. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/155 "2019-08-14T02:54:57Z")
Because of this thread, I was consciously aware of my thoughts when I went to the grocery store on Sunday, where I encountered lots of different people. To be sure, I apparently have a wandering eye, in that I looked at each person I walked past. And my mind apparently runs an ongoing commentary about those people - “That guy’s tall. He has such skinny arms…odd looking couple; they both have weird hair and lots of tattoos; they seem right for each other…aww, that lady has a baby in her cart…” And, sure enough, it’s a judgmental inner monologue, and one that does get shallow and sometimes objectifying. “Nice legs; very tan; I’m glad she’s wearing those shorts…tall skinny guy’s picking out junk food, no wonder he has no muscle tone…” From the perspective of other people, though, I was just a dude buying groceries. I smiled at the baby and the couple. I said “excuse me” when I reached for something next to the pretty girl with the toned legs. The skinny guy probably never noticed me (or, who knows, maybe I was a random in his thoughts). You can have thoughts, you can notice people, and you can do those things without letting it interfere with your day. The brain can even multitask to such an extent that you can walk and talk and still be thinking. I suspect most people aren’t limited to only doing what their brain is thinking about at any given time. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/156 "2019-08-14T03:01:57Z")
I have that judgemental inner monologue too. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/157 "2019-08-14T03:22:14Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Yeah, not being able to watch the tv show was the entirety of the first paragraph of the OP. Odd that you missed it, too. Not really. For one my mind did not connect watching a documentary with watching TV. I do most of my watching on a tablet via apps such as YouTube. The word “tv” never entered my mind when reading that OP. So generalizing viewing a documentary and walking down the street to basic activities that require a bit of focus is not at all odd or sinister. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/158 "2019-08-14T03:32:28Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/159 "2019-08-14T03:44:06Z")
> [@SlackerInc](#): > > I have that judgemental inner monologue too. _psst–it’s not inner_ ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2019, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395/160 "2019-08-14T03:52:58Z")
> [@CaptainE](#): > > I find it amusing that the op is taken to task for objectifying women by using the word “that” as if saying, “Damn, I’d like to fuck the hell out of her” would have been perfectly acceptable. It probably is acceptable IMO because it’s just saying “I would like to have vigorous sex with her” but using crude language. And since it was his inner monologue, the crude language is neither here nor there. Granted, people don’t like to hear about these thoughts, any more than I want to hear about what people masturbate to. But there’s nothing inherently wrong there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-confession-to-make-when-i-see-an-attractive-woman-in-any-context-my-concentration-shifts/838395.md?page=9)