You realize that this is parody, right? And skilful parody. It squeezes in five precisely analogous constructions to intensify metaphors within in the peeve.
really makes my blood boil [but not really]
truly a plague [but not truly]
really laid-back [but not really]
actually drives me insane [but not actually]
In fact, it’s quite soul-crushing. [but that’s not a fact]
Another giveaway is the tongue-in-cheek
which is a parody of similar constructions such as
I’m not a racist, but…
I generally support LGBT rights, but…