# I have a date tonight... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 31, 2007, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234 "2007-05-31T19:48:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2007, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/21 "2007-06-07T20:20:58Z")
Your ad is sweet and concise, very well done! Please let us know what sort of responses you get, as I’m sure you will get them and quick. Only comment I have; I would take out ‘exception’, it could be understood as condescending by someone. Maybe say you \*\*‘prefer \*\* somewhere between 35 and 45’? ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2007, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/22 "2007-06-07T20:53:40Z")
Aww man, I got suckered by the thread title and got all happy for you! 😛 I’m 6 months into an awesome relationship with a guy who I met on [OKCupid](http://www.okcupid.com/), but even though we’re both in our mid-30s I don’t recommend that site to anyone our age or older – it definitely skews young. It’s free, though, so it might not hurt to throw up a profile and do some searching. 🙂 [QUOTE=Sunspace] Well, here’s what I posted on Lavalife [/QUOTE] I like it! [QUOTE=featherlou] You have overlooked some of the hard facts - how tall are you, how old you are, what body type you have, if you’re divorced or never-married, if you smoke, drink, do drugs, or want children, or are willing to date someone with children. [/QUOTE] If Lavalife is like any of the other online dating sites, that information appears separately from the blurb that you have to write. I’m surprised that AOL wasn’t that way. [QUOTE=Nawth Chucka] Only comment I have; I would take out ‘exception’, it could be understood as condescending by someone. Maybe say you ‘prefer somewhere between 35 and 45’? [/QUOTE] I agree, except I might go with something like, “Somewhere between 35 and 45, though I’m flexible.” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/23 "2007-06-08T00:38:32Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] You have overlooked some of the hard facts - how tall are you, how old you are, what body type you have, if you’re divorced or never-married, if you smoke, drink, do drugs, or want children, or are willing to date someone with children. I used all of these criteria to screen potential dudes when I was on [loveataol.com](http://loveataol.com) (which is where I found my husband). There’s no point in omitting these things; it will just waste time for both of you if you aren’t compatible in these basic qualities. You could even put these dry statistics in a category just like that - “My Dry Statistics: Age, Height, Weight, Marital Status, Drink, Smoke, Kids, etc.” [/quote] The hard facts are in a separate section. I haven’t mentioned anything about being never-married, because I have heard that it’s a major turnoff for women. (Never married and he’s 43? There must be Something Wrong With Him.) (There was. Fifteen years of learning has gotten me out of that trap, though.) > [@featherlou](#): > > I would put more qualities in who you are looking for, too. This is not the time to be shy about what you have to offer and what you’re looking for. If you’re open to any woman at all, I would mention that, rather than expecting it to be assumed. If you have definite ideas about who would suit you best, fire away. This isn’t about being PC and not offending people. It’s hard to put “wants a genius-level IQ with curves who f\*\*\*s like a bunny” diplomatically. 🙂 > [@featherlou](#): > > The rest is very good. Thanks! I kept cutting stuff out and cutting stuff out of what I took from this thread. > [@Nawth Chucka](#): > > Your ad is sweet and concise, very well done! Please let us know what sort of responses you get, as I’m sure you will get them and quick. Thanks. I’ll keep people updated if anything happens. > [@Nawth Chucka](#): > > Only comment I have; I would take out ‘exception’, it could be understood as condescending by someone. Maybe say you ‘prefer somewhere between 35 and 45’? > [@Misnomer](#): > > I agree, except I might go with something like, “Somewhere between 35 and 45, though I’m flexible.” Yes. I like your phrasing of this. I restricted the age range, though, not because I’m interested solely in women of those ages, but because I suspect that most women younger than about 35 would not be likely to have interest in a man over 40. I’ve seen enough ads by women in their early thirties that say, “No-one over 40”, that I’m reluctant to try to make contact with women under 34 or so. At different times, I was interested in one woman who turned out to be 23 years younger than me, and another who turned out to be 8 years older than me. Edit: I changed that last line to read, “…though I am quite flexible in both directions.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/24 "2007-06-08T01:05:13Z")
Take up dragon boating. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/25 "2007-06-08T01:09:47Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin] Take up dragon boating. [/QUOTE] Why dragon boating, specifically? (I thought you had to be on one of the big corporate teams to get in, as well.) ---
**Author:** ![Miscue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8491ac/32.png) [@Miscue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miscue)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/26 "2007-06-08T01:32:22Z")
I certainly don’t want to start a discussion about the merits or demerits of drinking alcohol, but I noticed you mentioned the fact that you don’t drink (with no mention of quantity/frequency) as a plus. Without defending drinking (or not), I will say that as a new user here I had not gotten the impression that this is a forum of strictly, or even mostly, non-drinkers. Am I wrong? I certainly understand your opinion may be that _to you_ not drinking is a good thing, but it seems you’ve elicited the help of outsiders in dating other outsiders, and so I feel free to ask - do you find not drinking to be a universally accepted trait that you expect to find in people wherever to seek them out, or do you consider that enough people drink that not drinking is a selective enough trait that it is worth trying to find through some ‘specialty’ website or group? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/27 "2007-06-08T01:49:55Z")
[QUOTE=Miscue] I certainly don’t want to start a discussion about the merits or demerits of drinking alcohol, but I noticed you mentioned the fact that you don’t drink (with no mention of quantity/frequency) as a plus. Without defending drinking (or not), I will say that as a new user here I had not gotten the impression that this is a forum of strictly, or even mostly, non-drinkers. Am I wrong? I certainly understand your opinion may be that _to you_ not drinking is a good thing, but it seems you’ve elicited the help of outsiders in dating other outsiders, and so I feel free to ask - do you find not drinking to be a universally accepted trait that you expect to find in people wherever to seek them out, or do you consider that enough people drink that not drinking is a selective enough trait that it is worth trying to find through some ‘specialty’ website or group? [/QUOTE] Neither. I’m simply not particularly interested in drinking alcohol, and I probably wouldn’t get along well with someone who thought alcohol was a mandatory part of being social, and insisted that I drink too. I certainly don’t mind if my friends or acquaintances drink alcohol, as long as they don’t become obnoxious in pressing it on me. I will avoid people who boast about their drunkenness, though. On the dating scene, I tend to skip by profiles that say they drink more often than ‘socially’, and I become less interested in profiles with pictures that seem to be centred on the woman holding up a drink. But then I also tend to skip over profiles with pictures where the dog is more prominent than the woman. It makes me wonder about priorities. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/28 "2007-06-08T01:59:06Z")
It is a great way to socially network. Each team will have twenty-two or more members, usually half of whom will be female, of various ages, who are active and outgoing enough to squeeze onto a self-propelled party boat, all sweating and grunting and laughing together regardless of gender. Conversations are easily started because you are working together on a common goal. People get to know you in a relaxed environment where you can simply be yourself, rather than be a man on the make. If you crew reguarly with one or more teams (and there are teams of all sorts, not just corporate teams), you will develop friendships that may lead to something, or that may lead to introductions to other women with whom something may develop. In the mean time, you have an activity that gets you physically active out in the fresh air on the waterfront. Often teams are looking for folks who can fill in on short notice, so you can get involved without making a long term committment to any particular team. A lot of people develop serious relationships through dragon boating. For example, two seasons’ back, a female crew in my city had to take the season off due to so many of them having babies with other dragon boaters. For myself, I am a single mid-forties male who does not drink and who abhors the bar scene. The other couple of dozen people on my crew are all female. It has led to some wonderful friendships – friends with whom to go paddling off in the wilderness, friends with whom to go strolling around our little inland lake, friends with whom to have dinner. I’m not looking for a partner, but even then I have to make regular pleas asking that they not try to set me up with people they know (one of them even put me in for my city’s Most Eligible Bachelor auction next winter – hopefully the nomination will get misplaced.) Road trips are a blast. If you want to meet someone special, the odds will greatly improve if you get into circulation. Dragon boating is a great way to circulate, given the sheer numbers of women you will meet, and given the recreational, non-meat market, atmosphere. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/29 "2007-06-08T02:04:56Z")
Hey, that sounds pretty good, **Muffin**. I could use the exercise, anyways. And when trying to change, it’s good to do something different, not something more. I know there’s dragon boating here in T.O., but I have no idea how to contact anyone in it. Time to google. And whaddaya know! [Paddlers Anonymous](http://www.daboat.ca/). 🙂 (And I’m going to have to watch the seasickness…) ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/30 "2007-06-08T02:34:03Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] Hey, that sounds pretty good, **Muffin**. I could use the exercise, anyways. And when trying to change, it’s good to do something different, not something more. I know there’s dragon boating here in T.O., but I have no idea how to contact anyone in it. Time to google. And whaddaya know! [Paddlers Anonymous](http://www.daboat.ca/). 🙂 [/QUOTE] \*"On Feb 17th (2007), Paddlers Anonymous will host the second annual DaMixer event. In a relaxed and casual environment, 25 singles get the chance to mingle with other professionals, behind closed doors, without any obligation. Each single will take part in a series of “one on one” dates that are timed. You can discreetly choose who you would like to see again (up to 5 choices, you will receive your matches within 24 hours)" \* Wow, they sure have it organized in the Great Smoke. How can you not sign up for that! Too bad it’s June already. Up here my crew hires a 50s band every couple of years, for a shag that all the city’s teams attend (yes, we call such events “shags”). We’ve never had anything like a quick date mixer. I guess we’re just hicks. Hicks with happy dancing feet, but hicks nonetheless. [QUOTE=Sunspace] (And I’m going to have to watch the seasickness…) [/QUOTE] The procedure for my crew is as follows: “There are four parts to the forward stroke: set up, catch, pull, and recovery. Barf on the catch, and keep it outside of the canoe, ladies.” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/31 "2007-06-08T02:41:30Z")
The thought of ‘speed dating’ makes my hair stand on end. And not in a good way. The Dragon Boating World Championships are in Toronto this year, apparently. Which is why I thought it was more of a professional sport than something any old Joe could enter. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/32 "2007-06-08T02:57:43Z")
Good luck, **Sunspace.** I have done the online dating thing with varying degrees of success, and no final success to speak of, though I do have a friend that I met through online dating. I found out that most guys don’t seem to actually read my profile, though. That’s the one thing that irked me–take the five or so minutes to actually read what I’m like (or what I think I’m like) so you won’t immediately annoy me by going on and on about something I said I didn’t care for. Not that I think you’ll do that to anyone, of course. Were I in your area, I’d ask you out, and since I’m such a chicken in general about that, admitting it is hard. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/33 "2007-06-08T03:23:56Z")
Dragon boating is for folks of all abilities. Yes, there are people who are retired Olympic canoeists, and yes, there are teams that practice hard to travel the world (out city has had various members compete in Philadelphia, Rome, Poznan, Cape Town, Shanghai, Berlin and Toronto). But most teams are simply regular folks out having some fun. Up here, a union shop crew, a First Nations crew, a medical crew, a lawyers crew, a stroke survivor crew, a breast cancer survivor crew, a developmentally delayed crew, a farmer crew, a forest fire fighter crew, a church crew, a banker crew, crews composed of families and friends, and dozens of crews simply made up of people who enjoy getting out and about in a boat. A few are competitive, but most are not. This is a sport based on recreation, not competition. A few folks get into it to such a degree that for them competition is foremost, but the paddler base is just regular Joes and Janes. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/34 "2007-06-08T19:53:52Z")
You are an environmentalist. The biggest environmental event this Saturday in Toronto is the World Naked Bike Ride. 'nuff said. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/35 "2007-06-08T20:02:41Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin] You are an environmentalist. The biggest environmental event this Saturday in Toronto is the World Naked Bike Ride. 'nuff said. 😉 [/QUOTE] :: blink :: I suspect that would scare off the ladies… and googling indeed turns up pics of a group of all men. I maintain that Toronto is a great place to be a gay man in. Unfortunately, I am not a gay man. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/36 "2007-06-08T20:59:44Z")
Could be worse – could be walking rather than biking: _[Heap of Trouble](http://zed.cbc.ca/go?CONTENT_ID=2365&mediaType=video&c=media-viewer)_ (safe for CBC national television, but not safe for work). ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/37 "2007-06-08T23:27:16Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] Good luck, **Sunspace.** Were I in your area, I’d ask you out, and since I’m such a chicken in general about that, admitting it is hard. 😃 [/QUOTE] Thanks! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2007, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/38 "2007-06-08T23:29:01Z")
Update… I have fired off about a dozen ‘smiles’ to various women on Lavalife, and filled my account so I can initiate email. We’ll see what happens. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2007, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/39 "2007-06-09T02:48:51Z")
Another update: I got a ‘smile’ back in reply! It’s from a woman with one of the most intriguing profiles I’ve seen, and it was written well. A brain, and curves too! Hers was actually the profile I felt I was taking the greatest risk to send to, because she was the youngest of all the women I sent too. But it was so well written… I sent a message back. We’ll see what happens. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2007, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-date-tonight/406234/40 "2007-06-09T18:58:55Z")
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