# I have a hemorrhoid. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 21, 2005, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352 "2005-04-21T02:47:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/1 "2005-04-21T02:47:18Z")
And boy does my ass hurt. It literally came out of nowhere. I was just sitting here, not to long -45 minutes, and all of a sudden it hurts to sit. Now it also hurts to stand. With no “Preparation H” on hand what can I do to help stem the pain? Notice how I just asked the question inside the thread? If I play my hunch correctly, a thread with ‘hemorrhoid’ in the title is going get its fair share of views. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/2 "2005-04-21T02:52:47Z")
Take a nice warm bath. Clean the area well. Go poop promptly-- don’t hold anything in. It’ll just make it all worse. ---
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/3 "2005-04-21T02:55:17Z")
Gee, congrats, is this your first one? ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/4 "2005-04-21T02:55:18Z")
> [@capybara](#): > > Take a nice warm bath. Clean the area well. Go poop promptly-- don’t hold anything in. It’ll just make it all worse. Good idea, I could use a nice bath anyway. I was actually thinking about taking an Imodium. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/5 "2005-04-21T02:59:42Z")
> [@Good Egg](#): > > Gee, congrats, is this your first one? Second one actually. TMI\*\* Last year I went to the doctor after I found blood in my stool. I don’t remember what he told me - “stay off it for a couple of days” or some such thing. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/6 "2005-04-21T03:06:20Z")
I had a hemorrhoid once. Woke up one morning and there was this pain litterally in my ass. My doctor told me to keep it clean and keep Preparation H or Anusol on it (apparently to dull the pain, but neither did the job). The best way I found to keep it clean was to use what we lovingly refer as a, “pre-moistened butt wipe,” commonly referred to as a moist towelette. This really did the job at keeping it clean. Mine went away in about 3 weeks. First the pain subsided, then the hemorrhoid slowly shrank away. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/7 "2005-04-21T03:10:49Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > Mine went away in about 3 weeks. First the pain subsided, then the hemorrhoid slowly shrank away. :eek: 3 Weeks? I dont know if my poor, sweet ass can handle that. Right now I can at least self medicate with some Bass Ale, but if I do that at work I imagine that I’d get fired. ---
**Author:** ![bubba\_jr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@bubba\_jr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubba_jr)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/8 "2005-04-21T03:22:50Z")
Hemmorhoids, ahhhh the memories. I would seriously suggest ice, keeps the swelling down. Now how to apply the ice, a doctor (with tiny little fingers) suggested peas frozen ones, however that didn’t seem to work all too well, so after a bit of experimentation, a couple of ice cubes and cold water in a ziploc sandwith baggie stuffed into an old sock and worn like a thong works quite well, or just sit on it. Its been over a year since I’ve had one, but they suck, I don’t really like the Preperation H thing, walking around with a greasy ass just feels nasty. Now if your a real sicko you can go at it like a zit and try popping it, instant relief (it happened naturally, I didn’t do it, did I mention the doctor with REALLY small fingers?). Then there was this friend of mine that had to have one cut out at the doctors office and his ass was so fat the sectretary had to come in and hold his cheeks apart, I seriously hope she got a bonus. Then there was the day that my dad learned about hemmorhoids, my mom picked my dad from work. Dad: what do you call a lump next to your asshole? Mom: I don’t know, what DO you call a lump next to your asshole, (awaiting punch line) Dad: No seriously, whats a lump next to your asshole? ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/9 "2005-04-21T03:32:45Z")
Ugh. I had 'em after Abbie Jr. was born. Preparation H is the devil. It ate my skin, it was like a chemical burn or something. I don’t recommend it. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/10 "2005-04-21T03:35:07Z")
> [@bubba jr](#): > > Then there was the day that my dad learned about hemmorhoids, my mom picked my dad from work. > > Dad: what do you call a lump next to your asshole? > > Mom: I don’t know, what DO you call a lump next to your asshole, (awaiting punch line) > > Dad: No seriously, whats a lump next to your asshole? Curse you for making me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/11 "2005-04-21T03:36:55Z")
> [@Abbie Carmichael](#): > > Ugh. I had 'em after Abbie Jr. was born. > > Preparation H is the devil. > > It ate my skin, it was like a chemical burn or something. > > I don’t recommend it. What did you do for the uncomfort? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/12 "2005-04-21T03:37:44Z")
Whatever you do, do not use those donut shaped pillows. What they do is slow the blood supply to the hemrroid. That is bad. Use a regular pillow fpr comfort. Heard this directly from an RN who has worked in a Hemrroid clinic doctor type place for 20+ years. I’ve never had them. (Knock wood) I would probably not eat constipation causing kinda foods like cheese and bananas. You are going to want to eat and drink fibery things like apples, apple juice and whatever clears you out. This is just a wild shot in the dark medical advice. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/13 "2005-04-21T03:38:01Z")
> [@adam yax](#): > > What did you do for the uncomfort? Me fail english? Thats unpossible!! ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/14 "2005-04-21T03:41:00Z")
Ahhhh, you wimpy kids today. You haven’t lived until you’ve had a hemorrhoid combined with a constpation that results in having to sqeeze out turds evidently made from the business end of a Louisville slugger glued over with sandpaper - AND!!! - gout. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/15 "2005-04-21T03:43:51Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Whatever you do, do not use those donut shaped pillows. What they do is slow the blood supply to the hemrroid. That is bad. Use a regular pillow for comfort. > > Heard this directly from an RN who has worked in a Hemrroid clinic doctor type place for 20+ years. Okay, that is good to know. I had planned on stopping at Walgreens in the morning to maybe get one and some Prep H. However, both of those things are not recommended. Is a heating pad going to help? I have one at work. How about an ice pack? I’m running low on beer and may have to switch to vodka. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/16 "2005-04-21T03:49:05Z")
> [@SandyHook](#): > > Ahhhh, you wimpy kids today. You haven’t lived until you’ve had a hemorrhoid combined with a constpation that results in having to sqeeze out turds evidently made from the business end of a Louisville slugger glued over with sandpaper - AND!!! - gout. I _did_ have to walk to school and back home, uphill both ways. When there was snow even. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/17 "2005-04-21T03:49:46Z")
> [@adam yax](#): > > get one and some Prep H. However, both of those things are not recommended. > > Is a heating pad going to help? I have one at work. How about an ice pack? I’m running low on beer and may have to switch to vodka. Depending on the pain, I would stick with the beer. If it increases, switch to vodka. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/18 "2005-04-21T03:50:59Z")
There are a lot of ointmenty things-- try one out and see if it works (not everyone is allergic). The couple of times I’ve purchased I’ve made the brand decision based on what’s least likely to amuse a cashier (so many seem to have great names like anusol, analcort, buttrex, etc). ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/19 "2005-04-21T03:55:46Z")
> [@capybara](#): > > The couple of times I’ve purchased I’ve made the brand decision based on what’s least likely to amuse a cashier (so many seem to have great names like anusol, analcort, buttrex, etc). Please stop making me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352/20 "2005-04-21T04:00:21Z")
They have Preparation H medicated suppositories. They are embarrassing to “install,” but they should definitely help the pain. I feel bad for you–been there, done that, usually during really stressful times. The Tucks medicated pads are your best friend. Use them at home, and bring some to work in a Ziploc baggie. Hurts a lot less than wiping with T.P… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-hemorrhoid/300352.md?page=2)