# I have a new neighbor and I do not like him **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 24, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848 "2003-04-24T14:16:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![pantom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/34f0e0/32.png) [@pantom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pantom)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/41 "2003-04-26T04:02:00Z")
Pig farms. Hmm. Wasn’t that mentioned in the movie **Snatch** as a quick way to dispose of dead bodies? ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/42 "2003-04-26T04:05:10Z")
Hmmm… I’d be finding out who the guy is first… Once you kno who he is, then you can find out shit about him. Once you find out shit about him, there’s a goodly chance somebody out there might like to know where your neighbour is living these days. After all, all those armed dudes indicate he might be a target. Then, once you can find out who would be interested in knowing where your neighbour lives these days, you could let said “dark enemies” know the address and enjoy watching your neighbour go through paranoia amplification. All things being equal - he’ll move on. But perhaps he might leave the daughter behind if you play your cards right. ---
**Author:** ![Morrigoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@Morrigoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrigoon)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/43 "2003-04-26T06:03:28Z")
that method also might get the neighbor killed. Then you’d have death guilt, not a good idea. I’d go with trash, noise, and flamingoes - or garden gnomes 🙂 Oh, and put up a cheesy mini-wishing well in the front yard too! ---
**Author:** ![Morrigoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@Morrigoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrigoon)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/44 "2003-04-26T06:05:04Z")
Hmm… a bag of thumbtacks “accidentally” spilled from your trash cans in the gutter of your front curb might help with the whole cars thing. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/45 "2003-04-26T12:37:24Z")
All jokes aside, Col, you considered a housewarming present of some kind? Found out who he is yet? ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/46 "2003-04-26T19:20:02Z")
Play the Mr. Rogers Theme at full blast: …I’ve always wanted a neighbor, just like you… ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/47 "2003-04-27T08:05:43Z")
My … well, you collectively have some odd images of where I live. First, sorry not keeping up with the Seussian start, lazy I suppose. Second, no lawns. I don’t live in an American suburb children. I live in the Mid East. And in the city, actually 5 minutes walk from the financial district, such as it is, so no picket fences or anything quite so suburban American. Really. As to the precise location, well, I’ve dropped hints and actually mentioned it once or twice. I shall continue to be coy since it amuses me. As to the matter of the blue camo: it’s a uniform of course. Tells you who they are. Internal Sec. organ. As to who the fellow is, well, he’s of that class of people who get special issue single digit license plates. I know who he is, in general. All the more reason I don’t want him in the neighborhood. People try to blow up people like him, and I don’t want my windows broken in the process. Now jjimm’s right, I’m not giving the fellow a chance – btw the guns are German too, none of this down-market AK stuff. That’s for regular army. Nope, internal security gets the nice german guns – but he’s causing me inconvenience. However the cars are gone, so perhaps he’s gone fishing or something. Finally Elvis my man, dating VIP daughters is an incredibly tedious thing. I’ve done it, and I didn’t like it. Creates all kinds of complications in one’s life, and they’re so very high maintanance. Ah, yes, you may all assume that for people with special issue single digit license plates that zoning, laws and other items of due process are of highly theoretical value. ---
**Author:** ![Morrigoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@Morrigoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrigoon)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/48 "2003-04-27T08:23:16Z")
I’m still for the accidental spilling of thumbtacks, myself. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/49 "2003-04-27T08:26:49Z")
May I ask if Mr. Neighbour is a member of the government of your host country, or of a different country/organisation? ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/50 "2003-04-27T09:19:50Z")
Just have to say that I read - > [@](#): > > Internal Sec. organ. - as Internal sex organ. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/51 "2003-04-27T09:32:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jjimm \* > \*\*May I ask if Mr. Neighbour is a member of the government of your host country, or of a different country/organisation? \*\* Diplomatic status, regional org. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/52 "2003-04-27T13:09:30Z")
Damn it the fucking cars are back parked on my favorite fucking sidewalk. Bastards. Ruined my lunch walk. Well, the rain did that too, but… ---
**Author:** ![SouthernSky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@SouthernSky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernSky)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/53 "2003-04-27T13:28:57Z")
Somebody, sometime, must have given you the wish “May you live in interesting times”. I don’t think I’d push this particular envelope. Smile, nod, and walk where you can - surprises aren’t always pleasant! ---
**Author:** ![SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpaceGhostofArrakis)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/54 "2003-04-27T16:19:53Z")
Easy, wrap yourself in tinfoil, walk back and forth. Scream that he has microwave listening devices inside his house loud enough for the neighbors to hear. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/55 "2003-04-27T16:35:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Collounsbury \* > \*\* > . > > Finally Elvis my man, dating VIP daughters is an incredibly tedious thing. I’ve done it, and I didn’t like it. Creates all kinds of complications in one’s life, and they’re so very high maintanance. > > \*\* I dunno about **Elvis** , but I never said anything about _dating_ the girl. If you use my plan, please make sure to tell us if you wore a blue Italian suit in during it’s execusion. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/56 "2003-04-27T16:49:43Z")
Wagner? Cher? Fools, infidels, idiots! Do you not understand the incredible annoying power of ©rap? Have a tape loop cassette in your home stereo system. Turn up the bass quite a lot. Make sure it is not blasting to the point where you are in violation of whatever nusiance codes exist where you are. Be sure the performer has a solid monotone voice and that the backbeat is drearily repetitive. Leave this tape running whenever you are away from home. Or, you could just buy an accordian an begin learning how to play it. Make sure you never get any better, but continue to practice assiduously. Then again, this _might_ torture you more than them. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/57 "2003-04-27T17:09:28Z")
I still vote for inviting him over for a cookout. Or trying to make friends with the IntSec guys. Perhaps you could ask them politely if they could keep the cars off the sidewalk? (Frankly, Col, I thought you were making an analogy to the US in Iraq. It would have been a good one, except I was trying to figure out if Light Blue meant UN or USAF.) ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/58 "2003-04-27T17:26:13Z")
Don’t worry, pretty soon Bush will get it into his head to invade your neighborhood and liberate it. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/59 "2003-04-27T17:57:32Z")
I don’t know how applicable this is to your situation, but I knew this NYC cop who got assigned to walk a beat near the UN. He got tired of issuing parking tickets to all the cars with diplomatic plates and didn’t have to worry about paying them. Then, suspiciously, one morning, about 14 cars with dip plates had smashed windshields and slashed tires. Even with dip plates, its a hassle getting a windshield for a mercedes replaced. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848/60 "2003-04-28T04:21:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > **Or, you could just buy an accordian an begin learning how to play it. _Make sure you never get any better_…** That will probably be a given. Accordion is something you’re either meant to get good at, or you never will. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-new-neighbor-and-i-do-not-like-him/170848.md?page=4)