# I have a problem (warning TMI) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705 "2003-05-22T01:15:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/1 "2003-05-22T01:15:55Z")
Let me think of a graceful way of saying this… Hmm…my glad bags keep getting wet. No. Okay howzabout, my nuts are trying to swim. Wait, cue music: \*\*Sir Mix-a-lot \*\* _I got big balls and I want to cry, cause I can’t keep my nuts dry. Everytime I go to the throneroom and sit down on my ass I get splashed…_ Any idea how I can fix my toilet? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![LolaCocaCola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@LolaCocaCola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaCocaCola)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/2 "2003-05-22T01:20:30Z")
Hmmmm… Mebbe you can put yer balls in a sling? ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/3 "2003-05-22T01:28:28Z")
Try putting the toilet seat down before you sit down. ---
**Author:** ![Ben\_Hicks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Ben\_Hicks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben_Hicks)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/4 "2003-05-22T01:28:43Z")
_Do yer balls hang low, Can you swing 'em to and fro? Can you tie ‘em in a knot? Can you tie ‘em in a bow? Do you get a funny feelin’ when you’re hangin’ from the ceiling? Oh you’ll never have a dry sack if yer balls hang low_ Maybe you could ge a tiny little plastic beanie for your balls? ---
**Author:** ![LolaCocaCola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@LolaCocaCola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaCocaCola)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/5 "2003-05-22T01:29:48Z")
Yeah, a ball shower cap. ---
**Author:** ![Ben\_Hicks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Ben\_Hicks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben_Hicks)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/6 "2003-05-22T01:31:28Z")
I like the way you think! ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/7 "2003-05-22T01:32:05Z")
Damn it **Ben** , you beat me to it! Mind you, didn’t one of the lines go “throw them over your shoulder like a contential soldier”? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![LolaCocaCola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@LolaCocaCola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaCocaCola)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/8 "2003-05-22T01:32:23Z")
Why am I in this thread? Why? ---
**Author:** ![LolaCocaCola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@LolaCocaCola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaCocaCola)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/9 "2003-05-22T01:38:31Z")
Okay, here’s my last solution to your wet ball situation: A toilet booster seat. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/10 "2003-05-22T01:38:39Z")
Well I was thinking of somehow lowering the water level but I’ll take what I can get. ---
**Author:** ![Vaioman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ecccb3/32.png) [@Vaioman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vaioman)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/11 "2003-05-22T01:41:31Z")
A brick or a half-gallon full of water in the tank are a good way to lower the water levels, I think. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/12 "2003-05-22T01:44:53Z")
Sorry, I’m a girl, but can’t you pull the boys forward in front of your thighs before you sit, or is that too . . . constricting in cool weather? ---
**Author:** ![d\_redguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@d\_redguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/d_redguy)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/13 "2003-05-22T01:54:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by capybara \* > \*\*Sorry, I’m a girl, but can’t you pull the boys forward in front of your thighs before you sit, or is that too . . . constricting in cool weather? \*\* Umm…no. I doubt that’ll work. Having a #2 often triggers a #1. (YMMV) That could get messy. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/14 "2003-05-22T01:55:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by capybara \* > \*\*Sorry, I’m a girl, but can’t you pull the boys forward in front of your thighs before you sit, or is that too . . . constricting in cool weather? \*\* Well the problem with that is **Mr. Happy** who would then be pointed in the vicinity of my head. I can just see it now “MY EYES…MY EYES” Well, maybe I wouldn’t see it. 😉 I think the shower curtain would probably be in some danger too. ---
**Author:** ![badmana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@badmana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badmana)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/15 "2003-05-22T02:02:59Z")
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAH! Gods this is funny! If your balls are getting wet I second the “booster seat”. Tucking them above your thighs is a bad idea. What I do when I take a #2 (especially when it’s a messy #2 and at work) is put some tissue paper into the bowl first. That way it’ll pervent much of the splashing. ---
**Author:** ![juji\_mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@juji\_mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/juji_mojo)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/16 "2003-05-22T05:09:31Z")
What about not getting constipated, eating lots of fibre, drinking water etc, so you dont splash, you just kind of have “soft serve”…? ---
**Author:** ![Ashkicker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4bbf92/32.png) [@Ashkicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashkicker)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/17 "2003-05-22T05:23:36Z")
You could make an appointment to see Lorena Bobbit. She can take care of that problem for you. Then the only glad bags you’ll need are the ones that zip lock so you don’t loose your goodies. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/18 "2003-05-22T19:01:10Z")
Hook em over the toilet seat. ---
**Author:** ![Qazzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/aeb1de/32.png) [@Qazzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qazzz)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/19 "2003-05-22T19:07:59Z")
Neuter yourself. Or wear diapers so you don’t need to use the toilet. ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/20 "2003-05-22T19:20:24Z")
What about taping them over to one side (electrical, or maybe sticky gauze) beforehand? Of course, it sure would be a little ouchy during the tape removal. I can’t think of everything! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705.md?page=2)