# I have a problem (warning TMI) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705 "2003-05-22T01:15:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/21 "2003-05-22T19:27:51Z")
I don’t even have balls, and I still think this is the best thread ever. Thanks for the larf, **Stuffy**. ---
**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/22 "2003-05-22T19:32:59Z")
Sorry for posting a practical solution amidst all this hilarity, but it seems to me that if you adjust the float in your toilet tank so that it shuts off sooner, the bowl will not fill up as much. Just be sure that you leave enough water in the tank to flush completely. ---
**Author:** ![Francis\_E\_Dec\_Esq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@Francis\_E\_Dec\_Esq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francis_E_Dec_Esq)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/23 "2003-05-22T19:40:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LolaCocaCola \* > \*\*Okay, here’s my last solution to your wet ball situation: > A toilet booster seat. \*\* Serious answer, here. You can really by a booster seat. They’re mostly used by the physically disabled. My mom had one when getting over a hip surgery. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/24 "2003-05-22T19:49:23Z")
You can solve your problem easily with a simple rubber band. Twist it 8-9 times over your scrotum until it’s nice and tight. After a week the offending appendage will simply fall off and you won’t have to worry about it getting splashed anymore. ---
**Author:** ![sengle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/838e76/32.png) [@sengle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sengle)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/25 "2003-05-22T19:52:24Z")
You could synchronize your bodily functions with the tides. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/26 "2003-05-22T19:55:54Z")
You could switch to a litter box. Course, who the heck wants to turn around to a log and two nut trails in some grit? ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/27 "2003-05-22T20:00:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*You can solve your problem easily with a simple rubber band. Twist it 8-9 times over your scrotum until it’s nice and tight. After a week the offending appendage will simply fall off and you won’t have to worry about it getting splashed anymore. \*\* Talk about a cure that’s worse than the disease… Just get creative and build a spash guard into the seat. Better yet, make it like a second seat, that flips down over the first one so that it completely covers it, and has a pair of small nut spash guards in it. Then you can have a nice laugh with visitors as you explain why your toilet seat looks like it has nut cradles in it. I’d recommend frequent cleaning though. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/28 "2003-05-22T20:05:08Z")
You could ScotchGuard your balls. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/29 "2003-05-22T20:07:00Z")
I know in the last year we had a thread about someone having large balls. At any rate, I love you, lieu. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/30 "2003-05-22T20:11:09Z")
Scoop out half of a grapefruit. You’ll need some string, some hooks and a bungie cord. There will have to be a means of egress for Mr. Happy. If a grapefruit is too small, try a pumpkin. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/31 "2003-05-22T20:13:25Z")
~ & ~ See? And Cranky… ditto. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/32 "2003-05-22T21:34:59Z")
I’m not seeing it. And since the rest of this thread is so damn funny, I’m sure I’m missing out on the hilarity. Anyone else humming a little AC DC? ---
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/33 "2003-05-22T21:53:32Z")
Wait! I have an actual solution! Before you drop off the kids, lay a few pieces of toilet paper on the surface of the water. Voila! No le splashy! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/34 "2003-05-23T14:51:25Z")
Excuse me sir, is that a collage on your scrotum? ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/35 "2003-05-23T15:23:57Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by LolaCocaCola_ > **Why am I in this thread?** Probably because, like me, you cannot resist the lure of a thread title which includes the magic letters, T M I. ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/36 "2003-05-23T16:41:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Excuse me sir, is that a collage on your scrotum? \*\* And now, thanks to **lieu** , I sit here at work with mascara running down my face, and braying laughter. Thanks. I didn’t need this job anyway. 😃 [sub] That is seriously one of the top three funniest things I have ever read on these boards…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Zazie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Zazie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zazie)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/37 "2003-05-23T17:18:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gundy \* > \*\*Wait! I have an actual solution! > > Before you drop off the kids, lay a few pieces of toilet paper on the surface of the water. Voila! No le splashy! \*\* Gundy is right! It works also not to make noise in the workplace bathroom 😉 This is too funny! ---
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/38 "2003-05-23T18:06:02Z")
What about switching exclusively to [Upper Deckers](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=139789)? ---
**Author:** ![LorieSmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a587f6/32.png) [@LorieSmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LorieSmurf)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/39 "2003-05-24T07:05:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scout1222 \* > \*\*I’m not seeing it. > > And since the rest of this thread is so damn funny, I’m sure I’m missing out on the hilarity. > > Anyone else humming a little AC DC? \*\* /hijack AC/DC sang the big balls song??? Wow…you _do_ learn something new everyday. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705/40 "2003-05-24T20:50:59Z")
You guys are a stitch! 😃 On a more serious note. I tried adjusting the float; it didn’t work, so then I tried putting more slack in the flapper. I f$%king broke it, the thing that holds it I mean. Well off to the hardware store. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-problem-warning-tmi/176705.md?page=3)