# I have a question about women and restaurant meals **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 23, 2025, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208 "2025-10-23T03:38:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2025, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/41 "2025-10-23T23:43:48Z")
Possibly…last two servings of this entree in the fridge, one that’s left because it is noticeably smaller. No one much notices till it comes up. Oops. Now what? Just take it… put it in front of the women? ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/42 "2025-10-24T00:54:15Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > It’s literally unheard of. Well, after reading this thread, I’ve now heard of it, so … ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/43 "2025-10-24T03:25:27Z")
Now, I wouldn’t be surprised if individual servers, perhaps without thinking about it, do this in a more generic way, i.e. a middle aged person might get the big plate when they’re out with their frail parent, and the small plate when they’re out with their high-school athlete child. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/44 "2025-10-24T04:00:10Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > ETA: don’t tip Like, not at all? What is the absolute matter wrong with you?!? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/45 "2025-10-24T05:19:33Z")
I didn’t say “_not at all”._ ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/46 "2025-10-24T05:30:43Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I didn’t say “_not at all”_ It’s hard to see how “Don’t tip” doesn’t mean “don’t tip”. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/47 "2025-10-24T11:34:48Z")
> [@markn\_1](#): > > Well, after reading this thread, I’ve now heard of it, so … Wisenheimmer! LOL ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/48 "2025-10-24T11:45:06Z")
Certainly possible, but that would require both diners to order the exact same thing. Both medium rare, both with mashed not baked, etc. Which further shrinks the number of occasions this would be applicable. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/49 "2025-10-24T12:05:05Z")
Lots of dishes don’t have adjustments. The meatloaf with mashed is going to be the same whoever ordered it. I’m willing to believe that the regular server at that particular restaurant gave the bigger of two of the same thing to the guy. It’s not something I’ve ever seen happen. And i agree with everyone else that there’s no way the kitchen is intentionally making different portions, unless it’s a tiny place and the kitchen staff can see the guests. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/50 "2025-10-24T12:21:35Z")
Good points. Imagine a place where the couple are regulars and wherever they go, the two of them tend to order the same meal. The random variation in dishing e.g. meatloaf and mashed w green beans will tend to make one plate look (or actually be) more generous than the other. The effect is probably small, but not zero. Now their regular server comes out w the two plates and consciously drops the smaller at her seat. And does this often enough the woman notices, and resents, the pattern. Here we are. In most of my adult life when I was eating as part of a couple I/we deliberately tried to avoid ordering the same meal so that we could sample each others’ for variety. Such that I always silently made two choices. The one I most wanted, and the one I’d happily switch to if wife ordered my fave for her meal. So I don’t have much experience with this possible scenario. Fast forward to today … As I and my GF are getting older, we find sharing a salad or app and then sharing an entrée works just fine and avoids both overeating and leftovers. Often the kitchen will pre-split each course for us. Which is done by their eye and may well end up with size differences. I’ll have to be on the lookout for any pattern of servers giving me the larger when there’s an appreciable difference. Science! Statistics! 😁 ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/51 "2025-10-24T12:24:03Z")
Perhaps related: i sometimes vacation with my son. It used to be that i, the adult, always got the check. Now they often present it to him, the man. (i still pay.) ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/52 "2025-10-24T12:56:59Z")
I’ve told this story before. I met my now-late wife in the early 1980s when we were both in USAF and stationed in Panamá. A very Latin country with very Latin ideas about the social roles of men and women. As BF/GF with the same rank and hence exact same paycheck we had a very egalitarian approach to dating. Rather than fussing with splitting it, we just took turns each paying the whole check. We frequented a white tablecloth place down by the water; very elegant and by US standards very inexpensive. The main waiter totally looked like some fatcat’s butler and acted that way too. Very refined, very reserved, _very_ proper. He would always present the check to me. And sometimes (at random from his POV) I’d push the little silver tray across the table to her while he looked on in horror. At first he really struggled even to pick up the tray with his bill and her card sitting on it. The look on his face was as if it had a used diaper on it, not a Visa card. Anyhow, over the course of 2-1/2 years we _sloooowly_ trained him to gingerly place the check tray about 40% of the way from me towards her. Still on my side, but nearer to the middle so she didn’t have to reach too hard to get it. We considered that quite a victory for women’s rights. 🤦‍♂️ 🤦‍♀️ 😁 ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@salinqmind1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind1)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/53 "2025-10-24T15:40:19Z")
Peruses menu briefly, closes it decisively. “I’ll have the salad.” (or sometimes a veggie burger), -Every woman dining out with the family, or a man, in every tv show, movie, or comic strip. ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/54 "2025-10-24T18:52:10Z")
[You can’t have the duck!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1IRqqp8vHw) ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@salinqmind1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind1)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2025, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/55 "2025-10-25T00:52:57Z")
Uh-huh…I don’t get duck, or steak, ribs and sides, or a triple-decker burger with fries and onion rings. I am a lady hoping to keep slim, trim, and delectable to my man, and will never besmirch my lady-ness with gobbling down actual food and possibly putting on weight. JFC! ….’I’ll just have a salad.’ ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2025, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/56 "2025-10-25T01:25:18Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > She has a woman in her posse who _always_ sends back whatever she orders in a restaurant. It’s always too hot, too cold, overcooked, undercooked, contains some objectionable ingredient, whatever. When I say “always”, I mean _always_. At [notalwaysright.com](http://notalwaysright.com) that’s practically a trope, but not necessarily a woman. Sometimes they’re angling for a comped meal – complaining after it was devoured --and sometimes they’re just that way, the server getting an apology from their other half or the rest of the party. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2025, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/57 "2025-10-25T04:41:38Z")
FWIW, I personally never saw a man like this, always a woman from my vantage point as well. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2025, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/58 "2025-10-25T22:54:09Z")
I’ve seen men do it many times. We just tried a new-ish restaurant near us. Food very good and service excellent. My sister ordered two apps instead of a meal, and one of them was the wrong one. They just packaged it for her to take home and brought her ordered app super quickly. We’ll go back. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2025, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/59 "2025-10-25T23:25:53Z")
I’ve never met anyone who routinely returned food. I sometimes return food, but i can only think of three times. (And one was a tasting menu where i specifically gave them a list of my allergies and food dislikes, and they adjusted one food i didn’t like to another item I’m actually allergic to. Yes, i am returning the eggplant.) I’ve seen other people return the wrong dish or ask for a steak to be cooked differently, but it’s hardly common, for… pretty much anyone, in my experience ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2025, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208/60 "2025-10-25T23:54:31Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Never had that happen with the wife and myself. Usually the cooks have no view of where or who the food is going to so I don’t get how they would vary the portions based on man/woman. Yep. I mean we dont eat out at super fancy places, but the last time we both ordered the fish, the serving sizes were identical. I was a line cook for a while- mostly burgers & breakfasts sure, but still, the cook just gets the orders, nothing on the customer unless very special. > [@Gatopescado](#): > > Poppycock! I worked in food service for a number of years as a youth, and there ain’t no way for the line cooks to know the gender of anybody they whipping shit up for. > > Click Bait Bullshit I concur. > [@LSLGuy](#): > > IMO it’s psycho and it’s embarrassing to the group. It certainly fouls up the cadence of the meal as her replacement food arrives just as everyone else is finishing. Yep. But if that ‘always sender back’ woman ate many times at the same restaurant, she’d get a name for herself. And it wouldnt be a nice name either. Last time i returned food- I actually didnt- I ordered a steak medium rare, as the server was bring it out she noticed it was well done, and said she’d take it back. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-a-question-about-women-and-restaurant-meals/1024208.md?page=4)