# I have absolutely no pregnancy-dar or how my small business is going to crash and burn **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 29, 2015, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189 "2015-01-29T02:40:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/21 "2015-09-05T14:56:15Z")
Jeez, **psychobunny** - you sat back for _two months_ waiting for her to contact you, and you’re the employer? You waited twice the amount of time that she spent working for you. Forget what plans she may have had - the buck starts and ends with you, what were _your_ plans that may hopefully accommodate hers? It surprises me that neither of you felt compelled to have this all sorted before she left. Along with **IvoryTowerDenizen** , I too think it’s pretty piss poor to do anything like this via email. Truly. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/22 "2015-09-05T14:58:56Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > Jeez, **psychobunny** - you sat back for _two months_ waiting for her to contact you, and you’re the employer? You waited twice the amount of time that she spent working for you. No he didn’t. It is eight weeks now, some time after he/she tried to establish communication. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/23 "2015-09-05T15:01:55Z")
This brings to mind a situation I faced 35 years ago - and it involved full-time Federal employees, so not the same as described above. There were 2 clerks and a secretary supporting an office of 12-15 senior Naval officers. One of the clerks got pregnant and the secretary was pretty sure she didn’t intend to come back from maternity leave. But until the clerk filled out her resignation paperwork, her job had to be held. The day before her leave was up, she submitted the paperwork. So because she was still technically filling the clerk position, they couldn’t advertise the vacancy or start searching for a replacement till then. The clerk screwed the office for far longer than she should have. We were all pretty sure it was deliberate. Nonsense like that makes it harder for employers to deal with employee pregnancies. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/24 "2015-09-05T15:10:15Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > No he didn’t. It is eight weeks now, some time after he/she tried to establish communication. Thanks for the clarification, **Fear Itself** ; but I don’t see how that’s different to having waited 2 months since she left on maternity leave 8 weeks ago. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/25 "2015-09-05T15:16:53Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > … We were all pretty sure it was deliberate. Nonsense like that makes it harder for employers to deal with employee pregnancies. Was it deliberate in the sense of “malicious”, or simply deliberate in the sense of “maximizing her options and benefits, not the organization’s?” I’ve been laid off enough times to know that organizations are able to consider only their interests while ignoring those of their employees to a degree that would be labeled “psychopathic” if done in other settings. It seems completely reasonable to me to treat them the same way in return. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/26 "2015-09-05T15:30:13Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > No he didn’t. It is eight weeks now, some time after he/she tried to establish communication. The communication, as I read it, was a baby gift and messages sent through a third party. How about a certified letter that says “blah, blah, I need to hear about your intentions to return back by XX, 2015. If I don’t hear from you by that date I will be replacing your position.” Seems like the bare minimum for someone you’re willing to keep as back up and write a letter for. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/27 "2015-09-05T15:41:38Z")
I think **psychobunny** did just fine. If I were in the pregnant employee’s position and wanted to keep the job, I would’ve been in touch at least weekly. It wasn’t on psychobunny to do all the work. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/28 "2015-09-05T15:46:02Z")
Hire a man. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/29 "2015-09-05T15:46:25Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > Thanks for the clarification, **Fear Itself** ; but I don’t see how that’s different to having waited 2 months since she left on maternity leave 8 weeks ago. She didn’t wait two months. That’s the point. Contact was attempted some time ago; after eight weeks total, there was no response. It sounded to me like you thought she didn’t attempt contact until two months of leave had passed. Am I mistaken? ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/30 "2015-09-05T15:55:24Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > She didn’t wait two months. That’s the point. Contact was attempted some time ago; after eight weeks total, there was no response. It sounded to me like you thought she didn’t attempt contact until two months of leave had passed. Am I mistaken? I think we’re agreeing there’s been an 8 week gap of waiting to hear from the employee - my point being that that seems an extraordinary amount of time to have sat back and waited for a response. And really, I’d have thought it would have been more a confirmation of the options **psychobunny** had already devised. And discussed. Prior to the leave. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/31 "2015-09-05T15:58:55Z")
Good Lord! Why is this so hard? We live in THE most connected age ever! Pick up the phone. Yourself. And keep phoning until you get through! (She’s a new Mom, she could be busy/overwhelmed!) Then…just ask her. “I’m surprised to have heard nothing from you and was wondering what your plans are, returning to work wise.” Why is that hard? Or too much to expect? It’s a short and simple conversation that will resolve the issue, why WOULDN’T you do this? It’s a simple kindness. You’ll feel much better, than taking any other course, in my humble opinion. Good Luck! ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/32 "2015-09-05T15:59:25Z")
Weekly? Really? Is anyone here aware of the ways that being post party’s can affect a person? I lost a little bit of sympathy for the OP with that “I can only assume this I’ve gone ahead and replaced you.” Where was the message that said “Please let me know by X date when you are coming back or else I will have to replace you.”? > [@Dangerosa](#): > > but no one would bring her into open headcount as she hadn’t spent her internship cultivating a good impression and creating relationships (she did her job, showed no initiative whatsoever to do anything more than her job). Did anyone tell her that his is what was required in order for her to get hired? If she’s a college student she might think that doing your job is all it takes. > [@](#): > > And hiding it in some sort of central government run fund means everyone pays for it in taxes, but everyone pays for it now - in higher prices, efficiency losses, strained families and less than optimal use of talented women. What does this mean? It’s pretty clear that creating a common fund that pays for health care, family leave and other things is generally beneficial to everyone and results in overall lowering of societal costs. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/33 "2015-09-05T16:37:27Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Was it deliberate in the sense of “malicious”, or simply deliberate in the sense of “maximizing her options and benefits, not the organization’s?” Everyone was pretty sure she had no intention of coming back to work - she made no effort to be anything other than an acceptable clerk. Granted, there’s no requirement to be congenial with coworkers, but she had no problem chatting with friends who worked in other offices while merely tolerating anyone else. It’s hard to describe her attitude and not sound snarky, but it wouldn’t have been out of character with the way she presented herself to jerk everyone around. Even the secretary, who never had a bad word about anyone, had a hard time finding good things to say about her. So, yeah, deliberate in the sense of “You can’t do anything about this - I know the rules.” ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/34 "2015-09-05T16:55:44Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Weekly? Really? Is anyone here aware of the ways that being post party’s can affect a person? Why is that the boss’s burden to bear? Sure, he / she should be sympathetic, but (1) you don’t know it’s the case, and (2) what about Ms. Employee’s spouse / family / friends? They should be the ones looking out for her job. Despite being a psychotic rabbit, I think the OP has bee pretty generous. It doesn’t sound like the job pays a lot, and for that reason, the employee probably doesn’t care about it as much as the OP does. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/35 "2015-09-05T17:15:39Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > Why is that the boss’s burden to bear? Sure, he / she should be sympathetic, but (1) you don’t know it’s the case, and (2) what about Ms. Employee’s spouse / family / friends? They should be the ones looking out for her job. > > Despite being a psychotic rabbit, I think the OP has bee pretty generous. It doesn’t sound like the job pays a lot, and for that reason, the employee probably doesn’t care about it as much as the OP does. Except for the part where the employee left the office to have said child under the impression that it was being held for her and covered by someone she trained. A date for return should have been established BEFORE she went out. Since that didn’t happen, a phone call would have been best: “Are you planning to come back?” All other contact has been indirect: a lovely gift basket, and via the same friend who flaked on covering the job. I’m guessing not the best medium. Good luck **PsychoBunny**. It sounds like you tried to be more accommodating than most. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/36 "2015-09-05T17:24:37Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Did anyone tell her that his is what was required in order for her to get hired? If she’s a college student she might think that doing your job is all it takes. Yep. She had regular reviews and coaching. There were intern networking opportunities that she didn’t attend. And she signed paperwork when she took on her internship that explained it all and was given a package of information and a speech in intern orientation on “this isn’t a job, its an internship. Many of our interns end up with long careers here, but you’ll need to work to make that happen.” One of my other coworkers even took her under her wing and found jobs for her to apply to and would try and introduce her around. She didn’t bother to apply and didn’t bother to make a good impression during introductions. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/37 "2015-09-06T04:58:49Z")
This is part of the reason many companies wont hire young women. Yes its sexist but you cannot have your business shut down. So I hate to say it but maybe you should just hire women over age 40 or just men? But then, why did you need to hire young women in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/38 "2015-09-06T05:15:00Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > So I hate to say it but maybe you should just hire women over age 40 or just men? 😕 How very urban and redneck of you. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/39 "2015-09-06T06:37:08Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > So I hate to say it but maybe you should just hire women over age 40 or just men? My 47yo ovaries still work and are expected to do so for 7-10 more years, are you really proposing I should have obtained my diploma and then gone on hiatus for the next 30+ years? ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189/40 "2015-09-06T08:09:05Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > My 47yo ovaries still work and are expected to do so for 7-10 more years… Yeah, and they are popping out ova with all the fecundity of chickpeas. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-absolutely-no-pregnancy-dar-or-how-my-small-business-is-going-to-crash-and-burn/711189.md?page=3)