# I have an enemy! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 13, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999 "2003-03-13T01:48:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/1 "2003-03-13T01:48:47Z")
Generally, I get either random, bizarre signatories in my Guestbook on my webpage, or I get downright trollish flames (“ur webpage sux, u sux”, etc.). Just recently, however, there was a signatory from someone who quite obviously knows me (references to personal effects of mine are made). Of course, this person was too cowardly to leave a valid E-mail address, or any indication as to his identity, but I have a pretty good idea who it is. Plus, his writing style is pretty distinctive (schoolyard insults, poor grammar and spelling, short-sighted attempts at yanking my chain, etc.). I’ve never deleted an entry from my guestbook… even the negative ones (I usually find them funny… do people really think I have my webpage up for _validation_?). However, I am curious if I am right as to this culprit’s identity. I’m gonna see if I can’t shed some more light on the subject, find out for sure who it is. And, if confirmed, I have to think about what retaliation I’m gonna make… 😃 Oh boy… I feel like James Bond… ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/2 "2003-03-13T01:54:15Z")
Hopefully he slowly strokes a cat or a hamster while figuring out how to destroy you. 😃 And the laugh?, oh, it’s the very definition of maniacal. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/3 "2003-03-13T01:57:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*Oh boy… I feel like James Bond… \*\* **Michael powers up his industrial laser and practices his Auric Goldfinger imitation** ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/4 "2003-03-13T01:58:18Z")
“Do you expect me to talk, Ellis?” ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/5 "2003-03-13T02:00:58Z")
Hey! A quasi-simulpost. I guess this means **World Eater** is Blofeld and I’m Goldfinger. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/6 "2003-03-13T02:02:10Z")
Balls. “No Mr. Spoofe, I expect you to say underpants.” ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/7 "2003-03-13T02:35:45Z")
**SPOOFE** sayeth: _“I have an enemy”_. You have at least two, you “underpants”-saying freak, you. And I bet there’s plenty more of us. Line forms to the left, guys! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/8 "2003-03-13T03:43:19Z")
Oh, Coldy, you can’t be my enemy… you’re just too gosh-darn cute… Hmm, I wonder what appropriate revenge there would be in this instance… should I point out that his girlfriend has a mad crush on a 30+ year-old guy (which is, in fact, true)? Or should I just wave wildly, spastically, and happily whenever I see 'im? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/9 "2003-03-13T04:01:50Z")
I’m not thirty-_plus_, dammit. I’m thirty-_par_. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/10 "2003-03-13T04:30:49Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m thirty-par. That’s on the back nine of the Putt-putt, right? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/11 "2003-03-13T04:39:29Z")
Wasn’t referring to you, Coldie… just thinking out loud… uh… out-typing… umm… nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/12 "2003-03-13T04:52:58Z")
Don’t sell yourself short, **SPOOFE** , I’m sure you have way more than just the one enemy. A lot of them probably just lurk. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/13 "2003-03-13T05:16:05Z")
Tut tut, **SPOOFE**. As others have pointed out, you’ve long had many enemies. It’s just that, being such a high class fella as you are, the enemies you draw tend to be more intelligent, and cunning, than the average street thug. It only stands to reason, therefore, that they’re smart enough _not_ to mention this in a public forum, um… thereby tipping you off to the, uh… game at hand, as it… Nevermind. [sub]Curse you, Agent **SPOOFE**! You’ve foiled me this time, but there will be others after me, more fiendish and clever than I, who will… oh, damn. I’ve done it again, haven’t I?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/14 "2003-03-13T07:22:54Z")
Sounds like what the mods and owners in my Romance Advice community call a “dead mouse” (and what I think SDMB and some other communities call trolls, flamers etc) fun to toy with for short periods (they’re so cute when they get all foaming at the mouth). Good luck with your sleuthing! ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/15 "2003-03-13T08:57:16Z")
I thought I managed to spell most of the words in those “Yo Mama” jokes right… ---
**Author:** ![Ender\_Will](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Ender\_Will](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ender_Will)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/16 "2003-03-13T09:20:26Z")
Someone once said something to the effect of “You have enemies? Good! You said what you thought at least once.” Don’t remember who, and I probably butchered the quote, and it doesn’t relate at all, but I like it. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/17 "2003-03-13T15:30:56Z")
Incidentally, I’m renting my services out as an arch-nemesis to anyone who’s interested… ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/18 "2003-03-13T15:42:33Z")
Oooh, pick me! Pick me! I would love to have an arch-nemesis named **Slortar**! It sounds so Super Hero-esque! “There, now Flopsy’s dead, and never called me ‘Mother’!” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/19 "2003-03-13T15:49:29Z")
Can we get an example of the schoolyard insults directed at your personal effects? “Dorky hairbrush! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!” ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/20 "2003-03-13T16:18:15Z")
Nemesis… Call him a **Nemesis**. Sounds _sooooo_ much more sinister that way. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999.md?page=2)