# I have an enemy! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 13, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999 "2003-03-13T01:48:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/21 "2003-03-13T16:22:11Z")
**U** nfortunately **N** aked, **D** isturbingly **E** gregious, **R** eprobated **P** act **A** lligned **N** ext **T** o **S** poofe Forget SPECTRE, this sounds sinister indeed. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/22 "2003-03-13T16:23:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wintermute \* > \*\*Oooh, pick me! Pick me! I would love to have an arch-nemesis named **Slortar**! It sounds so Super Hero-esque! > “There, now Flopsy’s dead, and never called me ‘Mother’!” 🙂 \*\* _steepling fingers together, arch look_ \ Excellent. You are clever, oh so clever, to deflect my suspicions by volunteering, **Wintermute**. It must be some sort of ruse. But never fear, my robot operatives shall have the truth out of you in no time. Hans! Viggo! Prepare the shark pit and the 5 ton crate of extra spicy fried pork skins! \ ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/23 "2003-03-13T16:41:51Z")
The enemy of my enemy is my friend. So who’s my new friend, **SPOOFE**? 😉 pan ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/24 "2003-03-13T16:54:49Z")
Bah. You have “an” enemy. So what? I want to know who _ **THE** _ enemy is for you. The one person on earth you’ve sworn to destroy. The single creature stalking the planet to whom you would scream in anger, “Fie upon you, foul thing! One day I will slake my thirst with the juice of your entrails! You shall taste my wrath and my excrement in equal doses until your diseased, black heart no longer beats its evil tattoo!” Mine’s Ernest Borgnine. Who’s yours? ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/25 "2003-03-13T17:05:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by slortar \* > \*\*_steepling fingers together, arch look_ > > \ > Excellent. You are clever, oh so clever, to deflect my suspicions by volunteering, **Wintermute**. It must be some sort of ruse. But never fear, my robot operatives shall have the truth out of you in no time. Hans! Viggo! Prepare the shark pit and the 5 ton crate of extra spicy fried pork skins! > \ \*\* Nooooo! Not extra spicy! Anything but extra spicy! ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/26 "2003-03-13T17:08:50Z")
I can stand physical pain, you know. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/27 "2003-03-13T17:31:28Z")
\That’s what they all say…until they meet the Insidious Mountain of Pork Rinds torture. Now tell me: where are the plans to the secret base?!\ ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/28 "2003-03-13T18:52:26Z")
I’ll never tell you, never! Do what you will, you evil fiend! You know, I am probably enjoying being tied up just WAAYY too much! Apologies for the hijack, SPOOFE. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/29 "2003-03-13T19:11:02Z")
**Doob** ’s gay? Esprix ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/30 "2003-03-13T22:01:46Z")
Well, I thought of the best way to draw out my stalker… if he is who I’m almost positive he is, then he’s not the smartest cookie in the jar, nor does he have the most self control. So I edited the guestbook entry (I love having that power) to see if it manages to come up with any sort of reaction… ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/31 "2003-03-13T22:13:03Z")
Oh, clever, clever SPOOFE! ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/32 "2003-03-14T00:43:32Z")
“Just do what you want to the girl, just leave me out of it!” ---
**Author:** ![Demise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/34f0e0/32.png) [@Demise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demise)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/33 "2003-03-14T00:48:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > **One day I will slake my thirst with the juice of your entrails!** Wouldn’t that be kind of like, I dunno, drinking shit? I don’t think that’s the kind of thing you should scream at someone to scare them, but hey, that’s just me. Unless you were standing really, really close to them. That might do the trick. They’d probably run away, anyhow. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/34 "2003-03-14T04:10:22Z")
Yeah, but I think it loses something if you say “One day I will slake my thirst with the juice that gathers on the outside of your entrails, which is specifically _not_ liquid shit!” ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/35 "2003-03-14T04:19:09Z")
And you should listen to Sauron. That big flaming eye thing he does is downright creepy. And he’s from Alabama, so he knows about evil. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999/36 "2003-03-14T05:57:47Z")
**SPOOFE** said: > [@](#): > > … if he is who I’m almost positive he is, then he’s not the smartest cookie in the jar, nor does he have the most self control. So I edited the guestbook entry… Tiny minds _are_ fun to play with, aren’t they? [sub]Is there any back story you can share publically with us on this clown? I’m finding myself drawn into this little psychodrama.[/sub] 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-an-enemy/160999.md?page=1)