# I have become the oracle. I know what you will ask. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 11, 2004, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561 "2004-02-11T01:03:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/1 "2004-02-11T01:03:28Z")
I knew you’d click on this thread. I know you’d read this. I know you have many questions, and I know what they are. I would answer them without you asking, but it doesn’t work like that. I can only open the door. You must walk through it. I offer only the truth. Shall we begin? Go ahead. Ask me. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/2 "2004-02-11T01:07:26Z")
Who will win the Daytona 500 this Sunday? ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/3 "2004-02-11T01:08:12Z")
Can I have my chainsaw back? ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/4 "2004-02-11T01:09:51Z")
How is this different from any other “Ask the…” thread? If you don’t give us the answers before we ask the questions, are we to be impressed? ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/5 "2004-02-11T01:23:46Z")
What is the answer to this question? ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/6 "2004-02-11T01:23:52Z")
> [@racer72](#): > > Who will win the Daytona 500 this Sunday? I knew you would ask that. Do not be intimidated from betting against the son though he is favored. There is reason for this. Second place shall fall to the one who visits the wall without crashing. Jimmy, the son of John shall fall third. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/7 "2004-02-11T01:25:35Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > Can I have my chainsaw back? That is up to you to decide. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/8 "2004-02-11T01:28:14Z")
Tjdude: > [@](#): > > How is this different from any other “Ask the…” thread? If you don’t give us the answers before we ask the questions, are we to be impressed? When you are ready, you will understand. Lobsang: > [@](#): > > What is the answer to this question? You already know the answer. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/9 "2004-02-11T01:28:24Z")
What is the sound of no hands clapping? If no trees fall in the woods and there’s a party there, will anyone hear it fall? Is there a spoon? What does being dead feel like? ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/10 "2004-02-11T01:29:17Z")
How did you get to be The Oracle, and is there any money in it? Do I have to get a diploma from that whiny Struthers chick? Can I minor in Gun Repair? ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/11 "2004-02-11T01:29:37Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > You already know the answer. I do. But I’d like to hear you say it. Humour me. ---
**Author:** ![IrreverentTone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@IrreverentTone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IrreverentTone)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/12 "2004-02-11T01:30:14Z")
Where can I find my puppy’s wiggly-giggly bone? ---
**Author:** ![Nortia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Nortia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nortia)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/13 "2004-02-11T01:33:55Z")
May I? (lengthening my message to at least 10 characters please disregard this part 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/14 "2004-02-11T01:37:18Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > What is the sound of no hands clapping? HA! > [@](#): > > If no trees fall in the woods and there’s a party there, will anyone hear it fall? Don’t worry about the tree. You have bigger problems. > [@](#): > > Is there a spoon? You have to answer that for yourself. What does being dead feel like? [/QUOTE] It doesn’t. I hate to give bad news to nice people. You are sitting with a cup of coffee. Somebody asks you what time it is. You turn your wrist over. The coffee spills into your lap. It is very hot. Don’t spill the coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/15 "2004-02-11T01:47:31Z")
Should I open an account with HSBC or stay with Barclays? Will I have to contact all the people I have DD and credit card number arrangements with or will my new bank do that? On opening a new account is it compulsory to close the old one? If I open the new account and get a pension and lose weight will my dad stop hastling me? If I will not feel death how do I comprehend it before I die? What problems have I got regarding trees? I say there is a spoon. Am I right? Am I getting on your nerves? ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/16 "2004-02-11T01:49:00Z")
Dijon Warlock: > [@](#): > > How did you get to be The Oracle, and is there any money in it? When I gave up becoming and simply became. You cannot lust after money and be the Oracle. > [@](#): > > Do I have to get a diploma from that whiny Struthers chick? No. But you already knew that, didn’t you? > [@](#): > > Can I minor in Gun Repair? All things **can** be. Lobsang: > [@](#): > > I do. But I’d like to hear you say it. Humour me. The answer is out there. It’s looking for you, Lobsang. You will have to face it on your own. Irreverent Tone: > [@](#): > > Where can I find my puppy’s wiggly-giggly bone? There are more than one. The next one is waiting for you go buy it. Nortia: > [@](#): > > May I? No. You will have to choose between the Kaiser and the Potato. ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/17 "2004-02-11T01:49:11Z")
Consider a closed system containing 1 kg of water with u = 500 J/g and T = 20°C. What are the pressure, vapor quality, specific volume and total volume of the system? ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/18 "2004-02-11T01:53:05Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > Should I open an account with HSBC or stay with Barclays? Will I have to contact all the people I have DD and credit card number arrangements with or will my new bank do that? On opening a new account is it compulsory to close the old one? If I open the new account and get a pension and lose weight will my dad stop hastling me? If I will not feel death how do I comprehend it before I die? What problems have I got regarding trees? I say there is a spoon. Am I right? Am I getting on your nerves? Stay. No. No. No. You won’t. Seek the fallen one. No. Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/19 "2004-02-11T01:55:55Z")
> [@Super Gnat](#): > > Consider a closed system containing 1 kg of water with u = 500 J/g and T = 20°C. What are the pressure, vapor quality, specific volume and total volume of the system? They are all qualities of the system which prevent you from seeing its true underlying nature. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/20 "2004-02-11T02:11:57Z")
Paper or plastic? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561.md?page=2)