# I have become the oracle. I know what you will ask. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 11, 2004, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561 "2004-02-11T01:03:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/61 "2004-02-11T06:14:56Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > With Lobsang presiding now, I find myself at a loss for questions. I therefor begin with that very question for you, Lobsang: > > Why do I have nothing to ask of you? Because I am not the Oracle. **Scylla** is the true Oracle… > [@Lobsang](#): > > An unwise person cannot be Oracle. Therefore I must cease to exist. The next poster is the Oracle. Next Poster: **Scylla** [sub](that’s the third time I’ve quoted myself today)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Mariemarie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58f4c7/32.png) [@Mariemarie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mariemarie)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/62 "2004-02-11T06:30:11Z")
If a man speaks, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Mariemarie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58f4c7/32.png) [@Mariemarie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mariemarie)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/63 "2004-02-11T06:32:24Z")
How many Tao masters does it take to change a light bulb? ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/64 "2004-02-11T14:15:09Z")
What would happen if I ask you the Infernal Marmot Question? Why won’t Earthlink and Hotmail talk to each other? ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/65 "2004-02-11T14:22:01Z")
Do you see a move in the future for me? Will I be happy in this location? If I hate it, will I be able to move back? Do tell soon, as I am basing my decision on what you say. I await your answers patiently. ok, ok, my decisions are not solely based on what you have to say, but its an interesting concept, no? ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/66 "2004-02-12T00:35:30Z")
Iampunha: > [@](#): > > 1. What is that entity greater than which nothing can be conceived? The self. > [@](#): > > 1. Do Evil Nazi Groundhogs [sup]TM[/sup] pose any threat to it? Yes. > [@](#): > > 1. Is your daughter within range of flinging poo at it? Yes. Mariemarie: > [@](#): > > If a man speaks, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong? No. A woman’s ear is not necessary to truth. Sometimes a girl’s will do as well. Scuba\_Ben: > [@](#): > > What would happen if I ask you the Infernal Marmot Question? You would receive an answer. > [@](#): > > Why won’t Earthlink and Hotmail talk to each other? They do. They just won’t tell you what the other says. Misstee: > [@](#): > > Do you see a move in the future for me? You are a mass of oscillating particles on a spinning globe, hurtling about another globe through space, which is in turn one of billions of hurtling globes circling in one of a billion galaxies all hurtling through space, and you want to know if you’re going to move? Yes. You will move. > [@](#): > > Will I be happy in this location? Sometimes. Other times, not. > [@](#): > > If I hate it, will I be able to move back? No. Never. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/67 "2004-02-12T00:41:46Z")
Is the Oracle open to a little vbulletin code hint? (after ‘quote’ put an ‘=’ and the username. saves typing ‘username:’ above the quote, and saves space in the post) > [@Put username here](#): > > quoted text produces > [@Put username here](#): > > quoted text It’s up to you of course. Far be it from me to assume you don’t know the above trick. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/68 "2004-02-12T00:43:24Z")
that should be… > [@Put username here](#): > > quoted text produces > [@Put username here](#): > > quoted text (the damn preview ‘activated’ the first code) ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/69 "2004-02-12T13:49:44Z")
Thanks **Scylla**. Now I am not so sure I want to move to Florida. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/70 "2004-02-12T14:58:49Z")
Why are the dutch called Dutch, instead of Hollanders or Netherlanders, Oh great oracle? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/71 "2004-02-12T17:46:44Z")
Why is the plural for a native New of Zealand not Kiwians? The University of Syracuse or Syracuse University’s team nick name is called the Orangemen. What are the women’s teams called? The Crushes? Does a ducks fart echo? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/72 "2004-02-12T18:31:08Z")
Is it safe? ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/73 "2004-02-12T19:00:01Z")
Please reply to this yesterday! Why didn’t you? Are you ignoring me? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/74 "2004-02-12T19:19:41Z")
Will I go blind? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/75 "2004-02-12T19:38:43Z")
How can we persuade **lekatt** to embrace the path of Sweet Reason, & abandon the Weekly World News as his primary source of information about the world? Who wrote the Book Of Love? Who is stronger: Superman or Captain Marvel? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/76 "2004-02-12T19:41:22Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Will I go blind? If you keep mtouching yourself _there_, then yes, you will. You will also acquire hairy palms. ---
**Author:** ![Dawne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Dawne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dawne)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/77 "2004-02-12T19:45:13Z")
I knew that the number four was yellow. Does that mean i have oracle powers myself? Actually, I usppose not, seeing as I’d know the answer to that if i did. But i did just answer the question i asked somewhat accurately… what does this mean? ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/78 "2004-02-13T00:34:55Z")
Admit it. You’re sitting at the computer and shaking a Magic 8 Ball, aren’t you? > [@](#): > > The answers are always straight. It is the mind that twists. Free your mind. You’re not trying to plug a wave form generator into the point on the back of your head, are you? ---
**Author:** ![SlickRoenick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@SlickRoenick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlickRoenick)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/79 "2004-02-13T03:28:39Z")
69? Am i really a super saiyan? ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561/80 "2004-02-13T03:50:52Z")
**gum:** > [@](#): > > Why are the dutch called Dutch, instead of Hollanders or Netherlanders, Oh great oracle? Because as everybody knows the Dutch make a lot of cheese. Cheese goes good on crackers. Try saying “Netherlanders” with a mouth full of cheese and crackers. It’s impossible. In fact, no matter what you say it comes out in a spray of cheese and crackers and sounds like “Dutch!” or “Blutch!” or “Gubbuch!” Most of the time it sounds just like “Dutch.” No foreigners could ever speak to the Dutch people because their mouths were always filled with cheese and crackers. Usually if somebody tried, the Dutchman just stood their chewing (and since chewing cheese and crackers is a timely process, it was usually a long wait.) Eventually the person would get tired of waiting and look to somebody else for an explanation as to why he was getting no answer. That person would explain that the chewer was “dutch,” meaning that his mouth was full of cheese and crackers (Since that is the only sound such a person can make.) Eventually the word came to describe , industrious, windmill/Dike building, clog-wearing, cheese eaters, all across the area. That’s the unvarnished truth. **Shirley U Jest:** > [@](#): > > Why is the plural for a native New of Zealand not Kiwians? Because that would lead to confusion with one of the Wayans brothers. > [@](#): > > The University of Syracuse or Syracuse University’s team nick name is called the Orangemen. What are the women’s teams called? The Crushes? Bouncy grapefruits. > [@](#): > > Does a ducks fart echo? When they are released in proximity to an acoustically reflective surface. **Bosda:** > [@](#): > > How can we persuade lekatt to embrace the path of Sweet Reason, & abandon the Weekly World News as his primary source of information about the world? Homicide is stictly forbidden according to board rules. > [@](#): > > Who wrote the Book Of Love? Leo Buscaglio > [@](#): > > Who is stronger: Superman or Captain Marvel? Captain Marvel. He is driven by the mind of a child unsophisticated enough to rationalize weakness in his alter-ego. Superman secretly wants to be weak, and can rationalize his own failure hence allowing it. **Dawne:** I knew that the number four was yellow. Does that mean i have oracle powers myself? Actually, I usppose not, seeing as I’d know the answer to that if i did. But i did just answer the question i asked somewhat accurately… what does this mean? [/quote] Being the Oracle is like being in love. Nobody can tell you you are the Oracle. You just are. **ivylass** > [@](#): > > Admit it. You’re sitting at the computer and shaking a Magic 8 Ball, aren’t you? I would not be the Oracle if I did not answer each question originally and truly, so no. > [@](#): > > You’re not trying to plug a wave form generator into the point on the back of your head, are you? My brain generates its own pyrotechnics. **SlickRoenick** [quote] 69?\*\* Yes. > [@](#): > > Am i really a super saiyan? Nobody can tell you you’re a super saiyan. You either are, balls to bone, or you are not. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-become-the-oracle-i-know-what-you-will-ask/228561.md?page=5)