# I Have Been Banned From The Left Behind Message Board. **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [January 14, 2000, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311 "2000-01-14T22:05:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Navigator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4af34b/32.png) [@Navigator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Navigator)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2000, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/41 "2000-01-19T15:41:00Z")
meara: LOL… I’ll see what I can do. 😃 * * * † Jon † Phillipians 4:13 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2000, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/42 "2000-01-20T06:02:00Z")
Meara- Being as how the vendor is omnipresent, you can talk to Him anytime you want. I do it all the time. * * * The trouble with Sir Launcelot is by the time he comes riding up, you’ve already married King Arthur. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2000, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/43 "2000-01-20T06:42:00Z")
Hello, friend, This is GOD, president and CEO of the universe. Recent studies have shown that we are losing market share to our rivals from the Microsoft corp., and in order to boost our share, I am willing to make an unprecedented offer. If you forward this e-mail to everyone you know, I will promise you everlasting salvation. That’s right, a free ticket into heaven just for forwarding this e-mail. We have freed a portion of memory from the computers that run the universe to install GOD-TRAC TM, an e-mail tracking program recently designed by St.Ignatious. Every time you forward this e-mail, a hit will be registered by GOD-TRAC TM. When the total number of hits in your name is the same as the number of addresses in your e-mail address book, ( remember, people, I know how many there are,) you will receive an e-mail requesting an address so we can send you your free “Heaven Voucher”\*. When you reply, it will be shipped via UPS ground within 2 business days. This is a legitimate offer. Here’s what others had to say: " I forwarded the salvation e-mail to all my friends, and received my heaven voucher within a week. One of my friends deleted it, and his home is now a haven for locust and frogs!" A.G. Accountant-Baltimore, Md. " I just got my voucher! Thank you! How else would a lawyer like me get into heaven? The e-mail I received was literally a God-send." R.L. Lawyer-Seattle, Wa. So forward this E-mail right now! You have nothing to lose but your soul! Cheers! GOD - Vouchers issued on a first come first served basis. Not responsible for lost or stolen vouchers. Taxes and airfare are the responsibility of the winner. Void where prohibited by law. * * * Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it. ---
**Author:** ![David\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/51bf81/32.png) [@David\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_B)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2000, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/44 "2000-01-20T06:50:00Z")
Not responsible for stolen vouchers, eh? Heck, I’ll just steal one from somebody else. What a way to get into Heaven! ---
**Author:** ![meara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@meara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meara)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2000, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/45 "2000-01-20T06:53:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by agisofia: > \*\*Meara- > > Being as how the vendor is omnipresent, you can talk to Him anytime you want. I do it all the time. > > \*\* Perhaps… but when I call 1-800-Flowers, somebody actually answers the phone. Imagine how long they’d last if you just got shuffled around in voice mail till you died. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/46 "2000-01-19T19:01:00Z")
1-800 numbers? Pshaw. It’s almost the new millennium. Try [Her Holy Web Site](http://www.infidels.org/misc/ipu/ipu.html) . * * * Livin’ on Tums, vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![bigred1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9de0a6/32.png) [@bigred1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigred1)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2000, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/47 "2000-01-19T19:29:00Z")
Ok… I had to use terms that my hubby would understand… so with him God isn’t a vendor… He’s a good Jewish pastrami. (LauraLee… and you think they look at _you_ funny over at LB 😉 ) Hubby is Jewish… and so he asked me what’s the big deal about you having to share your faith. I told him “It’s like having a really good Kosher pastrami… you have more than enough to share with anyone who is hungry. So you offer it to everyone.” He still doesn’t believe in God (he’s culturally Jewish… religiously… hmmm… Hindu maybe? or atheist or agnostic?) but at least he has a metaphor that he understands. Anyone hungry? Beth ---
**Author:** ![meara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@meara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meara)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2000, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/48 "2000-01-19T19:35:00Z")
Oh my… I’m imagining Catholic mass if this analogy hit the mainstream. (Forget drinking the wine and chewing the wafer - pastrami for all!) It’d be a way to fill pews, anyway. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![David\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/51bf81/32.png) [@David\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_B)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2000, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/49 "2000-01-19T19:36:00Z")
Not that I like pastrami, but if you have more than enough to eat, well, that’s what refrigerators are for! ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2000, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/50 "2000-01-19T20:55:00Z")
The last time I shared what I thought was a “really great deal” with everyone, it turned out the “really great deal” was a big waste of $9500 for pseudo-legal documents. Never, ever believe a scheme whose promoters tell you, “Don’t ask lawyers about this, they’re not trained to understand this area of the law!”. (See [http://www.netcom.com/~rogermw/nts.html](http://www.netcom.com/~rogermw/nts.html) for the details of this particular scam.) * * * The truth, as always, is more complicated than that. ---
**Author:** ![bigred1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9de0a6/32.png) [@bigred1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigred1)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2000, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/51 "2000-01-19T22:07:00Z")
Yeah but David… Even stored in the fridge or the freezer it goes bad eventually. 😃 Beth ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2000, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/52 "2000-01-20T11:47:00Z")
So David - what’s your position on eating pastrami on GD threads? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/53 "2000-01-23T02:07:00Z")
If **David B** is the God of Great Debates, then who is Cecil Adams? * * * \>\< DARWIN \> \_\_ **L\_\_\_L** ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/54 "2000-01-23T02:16:00Z")
## Cecvil is the World’s Smartest Human, as well as being a National Treasure. He doesn’t have time to be a minor deity as well. Heck, he would need a better haircut than he has to qualify as a demi-god… Dr. Fidelius, Charlatan Associate Curator Anomalous Paleontology, Miskatonic University “The idle mind is the Devil’s playground.” -Professor Harold Hill ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/55 "2000-01-23T02:35:00Z")
Dagnabbit. I mis-typed The Name. That means they’ll make me ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2000, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311/56 "2000-01-24T23:27:00Z")
Come back, Doc, come back! * * * \>\< DARWIN \> \_\_ **L\_\_\_L** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-been-banned-from-the-left-behind-message-board/17311.md?page=2)