# I have cut off my own testicles... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 23, 2007, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762 "2007-10-23T21:37:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/21 "2007-10-24T12:29:50Z")
Minivans are an odd thing. I bought a 1987 Toyota van when I was 17. It was a blast. I could pack all my friends in it, drive out to the park, pull the seats out and crank up the stereo and have a rolling party. I could sleep in it and move anything I needed (including a Harley Sportster) Best of all, with my long hair I looked like a soccer mom. I still eye Honda Odysseys with an undeniable desire. I don’t intend to have kids but I still think minivans are cool and useful. _sigh_ what a dork. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/22 "2007-10-24T12:49:52Z")
[QUOTE=Omegaman] I work for a dodge dealer in parts if theres anything you think I can help you with pm me. [/QUOTE] Parts, eh? Do they sell testicles? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/23 "2007-10-24T12:49:55Z")
C’mon now… there ain’t no sexy like Tylenol sexy. ---
**Author:** ![Fir\_na\_tine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fir\_na\_tine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fir_na_tine)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/24 "2007-10-24T13:07:27Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Parts, eh? Do they sell testicles? 😃 [/QUOTE] See post #20. Get your testicles delivered by Fedex. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/25 "2007-10-24T13:10:16Z")
My boss, who exchanges cars at about the regularity that I flip pages in my calendar, bought a minivan at an auction because it was a really great deal. He didn’t like his regular car either so he put both on Craigslist to see which sold first. The other car did, so he drove the minivan for a couple of weeks. He almost immediately bought a new car. When I asked him what was wrong with the van, he said “Only a broken man drives a minivan.” ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/26 "2007-10-24T15:16:06Z")
White Caravan? Get vanity plates that say “Moby”. That’ll show all the babes that, um… (thinking of a Dennis Wolfberg routine that references “unleashing Moby”). Just the other day I saw a white Grand Caravan with plates that said “Moby Doj” so the idea is not original. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/27 "2007-10-24T15:53:43Z")
I now own a caravan. My sole form of protest is keeping my motorcycle certification. I was cool once… (FTR, my husband loves it, wants a black one) ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/28 "2007-10-24T16:00:31Z")
We have an '89 Plymouth Grand Voyager, which we bought used. The owner had just put a second replacement transmission into it, and I know it was a case of “Let’s get rid of this turkey RIGHT NOW before it breaks again.” And we’ve had to spend money on it, too, especially on the air conditioning, which is a pretty marginal design. But I love the damned thing. It’s a pleasure to drive, perfect for long road trips, and it’ll hold a metric s\*\*tload of stuff. A very very useful vehicle. As far as not being macho goes, I fixed that by adding a skull hood ornament. All better now. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/29 "2007-10-24T16:19:46Z")
I’ll second what **elanorigby** said. I had a '96 Grand Caravan too, with the same problems. Wipers would go off by themselves. The dashboard, radio and A/C would stop working spontaneously, and come back on just as randomly. I got rid of it when the transmission failed only 10,000 miles after being rebuilt. Unfortunately, I’m now driving a bare-bones 2003 Windstar, which is also a piece of shit. The radio volume goes up and down by itself, the interior lights flicker, and the driver’s side passenger door won’t unlock about half the time. And it gets 17 mpg on the highway. I’m hoping to trade it in for one of [these](http://www.mazdausa.com/MusaWeb/displayPage.action?pageParameter=upcomingMazda5&bhcp=1) in a year or so. At least then I’d be halfway cool. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/30 "2007-10-24T16:23:25Z")
This thread, plus the “whipped” threads, are some of the most depressing things I’ve read here. They just show evidence of such an anti-family mindset in North America. No wonder we have problems. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/31 "2007-10-24T16:32:08Z")
[QUOTE=Belrix] Actually you can answer why the left turn signal doesn’t self-cancel. The right is working fine. Vehicle seems fine past that (and all the missing cup-holders). [/QUOTE] Needs a turn signal switch. Part # 4685711ab msrp 50.45 . Can you give me locations on cupholders? Will probably need vin # for interior trim code for these ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/32 "2007-10-24T16:33:15Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Parts, eh? Do they sell testicles? 😃 [/QUOTE] They would drag the ground on a caravan. ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/33 "2007-10-24T16:42:53Z")
[QUOTE=Omegaman] They would drag the ground on a caravan. [/QUOTE] [No, they won’t…](http://www.hitchcorner.com/bull_balls.htm) Scroll down the page for pics of them not dragging on the ground… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/34 "2007-10-24T16:45:46Z")
It’s the Sta-puff marshmallow Van! ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/35 "2007-10-24T16:46:43Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] C’mon now… there ain’t no sexy like Tylenol sexy. [/QUOTE] Well, that does resolve the old “Not now I’ve got a headache” argument. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/36 "2007-10-24T17:11:23Z")
[QUOTE=Rocketeer] As far as not being macho goes, I fixed that by adding a skull hood ornament. All better now. 😃 [/QUOTE] Heh - that’s an idea. Is it visible from the drivers seat? The nose on this thing just disappears - I’m just guessing where it is. From the windshield wipers forward, this car doesn’t exist from the interior view. It’s biiiiig compared to the 4Runner. I’m overlapping all the white lines when I park now. **Sunspace** , I understand the anti-family mindset view. I don’t think it’s that actually - although I guess that’s part of it. It’s just, to me, a mini-van doesn’t say anything about the owner other than “I’m practical and I have a family.” It doesn’t climb cinder block mountain. It doesn’t splash through puddles in the backwoods. It can’t brake an airplane to a halt. It doesn’t do sports car things either. It doesn’t zip. It doesn’t do power turns. James Bond has never been seen driving one. There’s just no oomph to it. **Omegaman** , I’m gonna pull the steering column cover and see if that switch looks user replaceable. Thanks for the part number. I’m not too worried about all the missing cup holders - I’m sure I can probably get them from a salvage yard. I’m sure the dealship things they’ve been molded from platinum alloy. FWIW, it’s the gray w/ black trim interior. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/37 "2007-10-24T17:25:23Z")
[QUOTE=Drain Bead] If you really want to regain your manhood, you could hang [these](http://www.bullsballs.com/) off the back of it. Or maybe not. [/QUOTE] You know, if they weren’t $25 plus shipping, I’d probably do it just for giggles. Just to make other drivers think “WTF?” and roll their eyes. I do have a yellow happy-smile ball on top of my antenna. I had it two years ago on my other mini-van (back when I was married and had no reason to pretend I had testosterone). It helped me more easily locate my van in the sea of mini-vans parked outside of Wal-Mart. I moved it to my 4Runner because it seemed silly - I had a happy 4x4. I’ve now moved it to the new mini-van. I saw a new one at Wally-world, though. It’s black, has a sneering face, and has red devil horns. An evil mini-van sounds more appealing. ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/38 "2007-10-24T18:39:50Z")
[The skull is one of these](http://cgi.ebay.com/Rare-skull-top-hat-shifter-knob-shift-race-drag-4-speed_W0QQitemZ190113070658QQihZ009QQcategoryZ418QQrdZ1QQssPageNameZWD1VQQcmdZViewItem), which I paid $3 for at a car show. Hogged out the bottom with my Dremel, and stuck it on the pedestal where the (always missing) pentastar hood ornament used to reside. It’s also got a skull-ornamented license frame in the back. It used to have a skull with light-up eyes thingie stuck into its hitch receiver, but I done busted it going into a steep driveway. ☹ Didn’t replace it because I had had second thoughts about going quite so skull-happy. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/39 "2007-10-24T18:47:25Z")
[QUOTE=Belrix] **Sunspace** , I understand the anti-family mindset view. I don’t think it’s that actually - although I guess that’s part of it. It’s just, to me, a mini-van doesn’t say anything about the owner other than “I’m practical and I have a family.” It doesn’t climb cinder block mountain. It doesn’t splash through puddles in the backwoods. It can’t brake an airplane to a halt. It doesn’t do sports car things either. It doesn’t zip. It doesn’t do power turns. James Bond has never been seen driving one. There’s just no oomph to it. [/QUOTE] There’s absolutely no reason you couldn’t add oomph to a minivan. The thing that minivans do not advertise, however, is the “Me! Me! Me! I gotta have fun, who cares about the rest of the world!” attitude that accompanies many other vehicles. There’s a place for toys, and everyone needs recreation, of course. But somehow “recreation is good” got turned into “giving of yourself for your family is bad: it’s uncool, unmanly, _weak_”. It’s that attitude I loathe. :: ponders what James Bond’s minivan would be like :: :: it would probably be a convertible and have missile launchers :: ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Woodhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Miss\_Woodhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Woodhouse)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2007, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762/40 "2007-10-24T19:06:03Z")
I have owned three Dodge minivans, and have never had a problem with the turn signal or the wipers, so it may not be a ubiquitous problem. My 2005 does have fewer miles on it. I guess I need to start paying attention to the turn signal. I do love mine though. I love the stow and go bins and the fold flat back seat. It’s amazing how much crap you can cram into one of these much reviled beauties. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-cut-off-my-own-testicles/423762.md?page=3)