# I have decided to become a Sith Lord. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 2, 2006, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852 "2006-11-02T16:05:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/1 "2006-11-02T16:05:42Z")
I’ve learned what I can from my Jedi masters, but they refuse to teach me about parts of The Force that I believe could be extremely useful. I think they keep this knowledge hidden and hoard it for themselves because whenever I broach subjects like telekinetic cellular manipulation or enhancing worker productivity through mass intellect domination they change the subject immdiately and assign me to some menial task. They would have me sit by and observe huge and wasteful expenditures of effort and resources as each individual being repeats the lifelong wisdom-seeking cycle of its ancestors with minimal gains for society. We could acheive so much if all that effort were channelled such that it was all directed toward progress rather than repetition. The Jedi would have the masses stagnate in their own ideological filth rather than share the wisdom, and the power, which they hide so greedily. Screw that. I’ve already accepted my position in the Sith order and anticipate an exciting and meaningful career leading all worthy life forms out of the darkness of their past and into the light of a glorious future. My cape and red light saber should be here any day… ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/2 "2006-11-02T16:08:07Z")
Never, ever, _ever_ recruit an apprentice. They always kill you in the end… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/3 "2006-11-02T16:10:35Z")
I’m with you, pal. Many a toilet I’ve cleaned with a razor blade for asking the Master questions like, “How do you make money?” or “Who get alls the babes?” when I could have shattered the entire bathroom with the Force and enslaved some stupid bas…er, bought another one at Sears. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/4 "2006-11-02T16:52:34Z")
**Inigo** , you do know that Sith lords apparently live in celibacy, don’t you? Wouldn’t it be more fun to be the Dread Pirate Roberts? Just sayin’. But if you go the Dark Side route, can you do something about the political pollsters who phone me all the time? Thanks. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/5 "2006-11-02T16:54:52Z")
Going the Dark-Side-of-the-Force, route, eh? That’s OK, I guess. Just don’t go all emotional on me, please. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, that’s a Sob Sith-ter. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/6 "2006-11-02T16:55:40Z")
[QUOTE=The Scrivener] But if you go the Dark Side route, can you do something about the political pollsters who phone me all the time? Thanks. 🙂 [/QUOTE] I will throttle them from afar. The plans I have will preclude the necessity of pollsters in any event. Public opinion will be a non-issue. ---
**Author:** ![uglybeech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/82dd89/32.png) [@uglybeech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglybeech)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/7 "2006-11-02T17:17:15Z")
If you noticed, in your Jedi orientation packet you signed a Dark Side Non-Proliferation Agreement. That means you’ll be risking sanctions if you choose to pursue this technology. While we know that the Dark Side can be a cheap and efficient power source, we don’t believe your claims that that’s your primary motivation in developing this technology. We are concerned you intend to use use it to build weapons of mass destruction and threaten your neighbors. And even if that is not your goal now, ultimately your soul will be blackened and corrupted by the Dark Power coursing through you. At which point it will become very hard to take your promises seriously. We urge you to reconsider your recent behavior, and will be happy to open diplomatic talks with you once you have made a good faith gesture. By verifiably destroying your cape and saber and allowing inspections of your apartment. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/8 "2006-11-02T17:25:55Z")
[QUOTE=uglybeech] If you noticed, in your Jedi orientation packet you signed a Dark Side Non-Proliferation Agreement. [/QUOTE] That spelled “beech” or “beach”? ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/9 "2006-11-02T17:38:28Z")
[QUOTE=Inigo Montoya] I will throttle them from afar. The plans I have will preclude the necessity of pollsters in any event. Public opinion will be a non-issue. [/QUOTE] Imperial Officer: But what about the Senate? Sith Lord: I had the Senate Liquidated, you little shit. They were insolent! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/10 "2006-11-02T17:39:50Z")
Going to the Dark Side, huh? I hear they have cookies. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/11 "2006-11-02T17:44:28Z")
The more you tighten your fist, the more star systems will cower at your feet, pleading for mercy. [sub]No, wait, that didn’t sound right.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/12 "2006-11-02T17:46:31Z")
My name is **Inigo Montoya** , I killed my master, prepare to die! ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/13 "2006-11-02T18:44:06Z")
Are you sure you want to go through with this, Inigo? Sith Lords just [don’t get any respect](http://spamusement.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1159). ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/14 "2006-11-02T20:55:08Z")
You know, I did the whole Phoenix Online course for Sith Studies. It was expensive but I managed to become a Sith Lord In about half the time it takes the “old fashioned” way. Of course, I’m doing nothing with my degree now. My double-bladed light saber is gathering dust in the hall closet, I haven’t donned my cloak in months, and the paper cap I have to wear at my Dairy Queen job keeps my little horns covered. What a waste! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/15 "2006-11-02T21:17:44Z")
[QUOTE=One And Only Wanderers] Never, ever, _ever_ recruit an apprentice. They always kill you in the end… [/QUOTE] Not if you kill them first. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/16 "2006-11-02T21:46:24Z")
[QUOTE=Daithi Lacha] and the paper cap I have to wear at my Dairy Queen job keeps my little horns covered. What a waste! [/QUOTE] So what does the Health Department think of your mottled skin? ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/17 "2006-11-02T22:19:20Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] So what does the Health Department think of your mottled skin? [/QUOTE] Well, there’s no discernable flaking, so I’ve convinced them that I don’t present a health-hazard. Also, I clouded their minds and bent them to my iron will. That being said, we did get written up for not keeping the hot dogs’ interior temperatures consistent. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/18 "2006-11-02T22:47:13Z")
[QUOTE=Daithi Lacha] You know, I did the whole Phoenix Online course for Sith Studies. It was expensive but I managed to become a Sith Lord In about half the time it takes the “old fashioned” way. Of course, I’m doing nothing with my degree now. My double-bladed light saber is gathering dust in the hall closet, I haven’t donned my cloak in months, and the paper cap I have to wear at my Dairy Queen job keeps my little horns covered. What a waste! [/QUOTE] Thank you for your interest in the Sith Studies Program. While we do receive several thousand applications per day, your application is important to us and will receive our full attention as time allows. It is not necessary to resubmit your application. NOTE: This is an unmonitored alias. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/19 "2006-11-02T22:50:30Z")
[QUOTE=Dooku] Thank you for your interest in the Sith Studies Program. While we do receive several thousand applications per day, your application is important to us and will receive our full attention as time allows. It is not necessary to resubmit your application. NOTE: This is an unmonitored alias. [/QUOTE] Ha! Tell me about it! And the classes I had to do at a local campus a couple of evenings a month were hellish, too. Everyone trying to raise everyone else’s hand, make 'em look bad … ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852/20 "2006-11-02T23:07:23Z")
Just remember when you DO ultimately confront your former Master, do NOT do it near a lava river. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-decided-to-become-a-sith-lord/378852.md?page=2)