# I have found Jesus! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 23, 2003, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026 "2003-10-23T02:34:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SirMuffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SirMuffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirMuffinMan)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/21 "2003-10-23T13:11:43Z")
What on earth is a Jesus? ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/22 "2003-10-23T15:06:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Siege \* > \*\* > > And, on that note, did you folks hear about the dyslexic Atheist? It seems he’d lost his faith in dog. 🙂 Ma? > > CJ \*\* you still got it, lady! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/23 "2003-10-23T15:19:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SirMuffinMan \* > \*\*What on earth is a Jesus? \*\* A pederast? “Eight year olds, Dude.” ---
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/24 "2003-10-23T15:29:02Z")
**Jesus Saves!** _God invests…_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sly\_Smiley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Sly\_Smiley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sly_Smiley)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/25 "2003-10-23T15:42:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Siege \* > And, on that note, did you folks hear about the dyslexic Atheist? It seems he’d lost his faith in dog. 🙂 Ma? I prefer the agnostic dyslexic insomniac, who sits up all night wondering whether there really is a dog. Sly ---
**Author:** ![Svt4Him](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@Svt4Him](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svt4Him)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/26 "2003-10-23T15:55:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Siege \* > \*\ ***Svt4Him** , I have a button which reads “I found Jesus. He was behind the couch all along.” (Apparently He’s since moved.) > It’s both a joke, but it’s something else as well. There are some people who may proclaim their faith in Christ, but the only evidence of that faith that they say to others is their habit of saying, “I found Jesus.” To me, it’s a mild rebuke to them and a way of indicating I’m a _bad_ target for proseltyzing. I’ve met people who are reluctant to believe that I’m truly a Christian because I’m not their type of Christian and/or because I wasn’t “born again.” (I got it right the first time.) > > _Everything_ is a fair target for mockery on this board, and some rightly so. This is nothing compared to some of the threads we’ve had filled with religious humor and I’m proud to say I started one – it was to cheer **Polycarp** up. > > And, on that note, did you folks hear about the dyslexic Atheist? It seems he’d lost his faith in dog. 🙂 Ma? > > CJ \*\* Fair enough, I was actually having to deal with some issues at work here, where my bosses mother died, my friend, who is the care coordinator for the hospital, has to admit her best friend who is being transferred over to die after an accident, so I may not have been in the proper mindset to take a joke like this. I agree 100%, so excuse my first post, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![psychomonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dec6dc/32.png) [@psychomonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychomonkey)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/27 "2003-10-23T15:55:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*A pederast? > > “Eight year olds, Dude.” \*\* Wow, I actually learned something out of this thread. I always thought the line was Peder_ass_ I thought it was just one of those words that he screwed with to seem worldly. I humble myself before your vocabulary. ---
**Author:** ![DaveX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/96bed5/32.png) [@DaveX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaveX)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/28 "2003-10-23T16:22:26Z")
I haven’t personally found him, but I know where he is. He’s in jail. Everybody that gets out of jail tells me they found him there. ---
**Author:** ![nobrainer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@nobrainer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nobrainer)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/29 "2003-10-23T17:26:36Z")
He’s not in jail. He’s a coach. Almost every athlete thanks Jesus for helping them to win the game. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/30 "2003-10-23T17:52:19Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by psychomonkey \* > \*\*Wow, I actually learned something out of this thread. I always thought the line was Peder_ass\* I thought it was just one of those words that he screwed with to seem worldly. > I humble myself before your vocabulary. \*\* Humility good. Donations better. ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/31 "2003-10-23T19:21:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Seven \* > \*\*As per Christianity, man was created in gods image. So, god has a keen sense of humour as does man. > > God would be reading this thread and saying “under the couch? I told him to go to his room” \*\* Good perspective - I remember reading a Max Lucado book, and him saying that someone wrote to him protesting, because he described Jesus as having knobby knees (not from personal knowledge, of course - just a description that Jesus as a child was probably no more different than the child down the street). Lucado also wrote an interpretation of Matthew 15:21-28 that I found very interesting - a way of reading that shows Jesus’ sense of humor. Hmm…trying to think of good Jesus joke - I’m sure I know one! Susan Christian WITH a DARK sense of humor ---
**Author:** ![Svt4Him](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@Svt4Him](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svt4Him)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/32 "2003-10-23T19:26:25Z")
St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. " Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?" " Sure," replied Jesus. So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, " What was it you did for a living?" The old man replied, “I was a carpenter!.” Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. " Did you have any family?" he asked. " Yes, I had a son, but I lost him." Jesus leaned forward some more. " You lost our son? Can you tell me about him?" " Well, he had holes in his hands and feet." Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, " Father?" The old man leaned forward and whispered, " Pinocchio?" ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/33 "2003-10-23T19:50:39Z")
He must have escaped from that hospital in Jerusalem where they keep all of the other Jesuses (Jesuii? plural help, please!) ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/34 "2003-10-23T19:55:13Z")
Hey, you got carpet fuzz on my Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/35 "2003-10-23T21:41:17Z")
You got Jesus on my carpet fuzz!! ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/36 "2003-10-23T21:59:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by nobrainer \* > \*\*He’s not in jail. He’s a coach. > > Almost every athlete thanks Jesus for helping them to win the game. \*\* Well, Mariano Rivera says God is NOT a Red Sox fan. ---
**Author:** ![psychomonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dec6dc/32.png) [@psychomonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychomonkey)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/37 "2003-10-23T22:02:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*Humility good. Donations better. \*\* Fine, I donate to your vocabulary the word Pule. Pule-to whine or wimper. I expect a receipt for that, for tax purposes. ---
**Author:** ![Svt4Him](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@Svt4Him](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svt4Him)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/38 "2003-10-23T22:05:43Z")
I found him, he’s near the photovoltaic water-pumping system: "Jesus Barcelo Yánez, an ejido member of Ejido San Pedro Tonibabi in Sonora, Mexico, stands next to the photovoltaic water-pumping system he is responsible for operating and maintaining. An ejido is a ranch owned and operated by a group of families. " [http://www.sandia.gov/media/NewsRel/NR2000/Mexrenew.htm](http://www.sandia.gov/media/NewsRel/NR2000/Mexrenew.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/39 "2003-10-23T22:33:21Z")
Nobody fucks with the Jesus! ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026/40 "2003-10-23T22:43:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DaveX \* > **He’s in jail.** \ “Hello, _Dad?_ I’m in _jail!_ I _like_ it here! _Ah hah hah hah hah hah hah!_” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-found-jesus/209026.md?page=3)