# I have goblins in my pants, please Straight Dope, tell me a factual answer to getting rid of them. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 21, 2010, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951 "2010-12-21T14:02:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/1 "2010-12-21T14:02:57Z")
Seriously. I must have goblins and instead of you proving factually that I’m incorrect in my assumptions, you need to go along with my delusions in a website that’s blah blah blah ignorance. [Link](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=590123) > [@Ghost raising rituals](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ghost-raising-rituals/564947/1): > > My house is haunted. I need a way to raise and confront the ghosts to see what my next step should be. Benign ghost will get to stay with the house until it is destroyed in 2012. Malevolent ones will need to be exorcised. > > I need surefire methods here, people! [QUOTE=TomNDebb] Given the skeptical nature of most of the TM, I doubt that you are going to get polite answers to this question. However, since you are looking for factual information, rather than a debate on whether ghosts actually exist, I am going to nudge this over to General Questions. NOTICE to ALL: The question was asked for a specific answer. Posting lots comments that there are no ghosts is not a legitimate response. If you need to make those comments, open a new thread in GD or The BBQ Pit and simply refrain from posting in this thread. [/Moderating] [/QUOTE] [LINK](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=590123) I guess this would have been better suited for ATMB, but I’m just following the odd directives put forth in **TomnDebb** ’s post. As for an answer for the OP, try the Amazing Randi’s surefire cure for your spectral issues. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/2 "2010-12-21T14:08:25Z")
Easy. Stuff your pants with Cornish pixies. They’ll eat the goblins right up. Now, to get rid of the pixies, you’re gonna need some gnomes with a crystal-meth problem . . . ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/3 "2010-12-21T14:30:09Z")
I can’t see what’s wrong with the GQ thread. I assume it’s about asking for a list of common summoning rituals. In Haiti, you’d use Voodoo, in a Steven King novel you’d dig up an Injun burial ground etc. eta a cattle prod works just fine when dealing with goblins. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/4 "2010-12-21T14:31:30Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Easy. Stuff your pants with Cornish pixies. They’ll eat the goblins right up. > > Now, to get rid of the pixies, you’re gonna need some gnomes with a crystal-meth problem . . . o/` He stuffed in the brownies to catch the elves, he stuffed in the elves to catch the sprites, he stuffed in the sprites to catch the hobs, he stuffed in the hobs to catch the gnomes, he stuffed in the gnomes to catch the pixies, he stuffed in the pixies to catch the goblins... o/` ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/5 "2010-12-21T14:31:51Z")
A cattle prod works just fine for a **lot** of things! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/6 "2010-12-21T14:32:46Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > I can’t see what’s wrong with the GQ thread. I assume it’s about asking for a list of common summoning rituals. In Haiti, you’d use Voodoo, in a Steven King novel you’d dig up an Injun burial ground etc. > > eta > > a cattle prod works just fine when dealing with goblins. I guess you COULD look at it as a clever way to ask for discussion about such things. It comes across as being in earnest, though, rather than simply being an amusing hypothetical to start discussion. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/7 "2010-12-21T14:35:40Z")
And if this Message Board isn’t the poster child of people pretending to be more clever than they are, then cogito ergo sum. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/8 "2010-12-21T14:50:27Z")
Worst modding ever. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/9 "2010-12-21T15:01:10Z")
Man, I wish I had some goblin’ in my pants. ---
**Author:** ![Kinthalis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kinthalis/32/16084_2.png) [@Kinthalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kinthalis)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/10 "2010-12-21T15:05:51Z")
Yeah, me too. Some sexy goblins. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/11 "2010-12-21T15:07:30Z")
Careful, **Ender**! Thems things gots teeth! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Kinthalis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kinthalis/32/16084_2.png) [@Kinthalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kinthalis)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/12 "2010-12-21T15:08:21Z")
I hope so! Grrrr ---
**Author:** ![Kinthalis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kinthalis/32/16084_2.png) [@Kinthalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kinthalis)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/13 "2010-12-21T15:12:10Z")
Heh, I do sympathize with the OP. It seems strange that for a forum board whose specific creed is “Fighting Ignorance”, cow towing to ignorant, superstitious nonsense appears to be the status quo. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/14 "2010-12-21T15:16:50Z")
> [@Kinthalis](#): > > Heh, I do sympathize with the OP. > > It seems strange that for a forum board whose specific creed is “Fighting Ignorance”, cow towing to ignorant, superstitious nonsense appears to be the status quo. And in GQ no less. Worst thread move ever. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/15 "2010-12-21T15:28:50Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > And in GQ no less. Worst thread move ever. 😕 Isn’t GQ exactly where, say, [this sort of thing](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=374183) belongs?! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/16 "2010-12-21T15:42:21Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > 😕 Isn’t GQ exactly where, say, [this sort of thing](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=374183) belongs?! I think it depends on the tone…the thread you linked was obviously a hypothetical inviting discussion. The thread this thread is mocking seems to be in earnest. I don’t know if that’s because it actually IS in earnest or because the OP of that thread had a failure of tone, though. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/17 "2010-12-21T15:46:15Z")
> [@Kinthalis](#): > > Heh, I do sympathize with the OP. > > It seems strange that for a forum board whose specific creed is “Fighting Ignorance”, \*\*cow towing \*\*to ignorant, superstitious nonsense appears to be the status quo. I can’t tell if the part I bolded is a typo, a deliberate woosh/wink, or some serious mixups (like people who say “an old wise tale” or “it’s a doggy-dog world”) but … can we cow tow to cow mutes while we’re at it? Because that would really take it to the next level. ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/18 "2010-12-21T15:46:16Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I think it depends on the tone…the thread you linked was obviously a hypothetical inviting discussion. The thread this thread is mocking seems to be in earnest. I don’t know if that’s because it actually IS in earnest or because the OP of that thread had a failure of tone, though. If the question _is_ genuine, where exactly should it go? It’s an undeniably silly question, but if the OP is looking for some answer, I’m not sure what else you could do about it. Presumably a similar question about some more mainstream religious topic would belong in GQ; this isn’t inherently more or less dumb (er, in my opinion, anyway). ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/19 "2010-12-21T15:46:46Z")
So now I know where to post my question about how to get into water dowsing. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/20 "2010-12-21T15:50:10Z")
I started a recent thread about selling souls to the devil. Obviously a lot of people are going to see the premise of that topic as nonsense. But as that thread demonstrated, people can still discuss an irrational topic in a rational manner. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951.md?page=2)