# I have goblins in my pants, please Straight Dope, tell me a factual answer to getting rid of them. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 21, 2010, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951 "2010-12-21T14:02:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/61 "2010-12-21T18:12:11Z")
> [@Ghost raising rituals](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ghost-raising-rituals/564947/2): > > Given the skeptical nature of most of the TM, I doubt that you are going to get polite answers to this question. > > However, since you are looking for factual information, rather than a debate on whether ghosts actually exist, I am going to nudge this over to **General Questions**. > > **NOTICE to ALL** : > > The question was asked for a specific answer. Posting lots comments that there are no ghosts is not a legitimate response. If you need to make those comments, open a new thread in **GD** or **The BBQ Pit** and simply refrain from posting in this thread. > > [/Moderating] Looks like it was moved to IMHO: > [@Ghost raising rituals](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ghost-raising-rituals/564947/19): > > Actually, since I don’t think any factual answer is possible, and any answers must be speculative, I think this is better suited to IMHO than GQ. > > Colibri > General Questions Moderator But you have to wonder, did Colibri violate a mod instruction by stating that there was no factual answer within the thread? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/62 "2010-12-21T18:16:21Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > Seriously though, dude, I don’t think you can dual class any more… You may have to re-roll. It’s two different characters. ---
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/63 "2010-12-21T18:22:48Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > …But you have to wonder, did Colibri violate a mod instruction by stating that there was no factual answer within the thread? ATMB thread in the offering. The exponential growth spawned by the original thread is grotesquely frightening…just like goblins! _:::shudder:::_ ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/64 "2010-12-21T19:28:58Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > It’s two different characters. Ah, I see. I thought you were talking about yourself, personally. eta: maybe you still are… ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/65 "2010-12-21T19:37:39Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Taking a bath will get rid of most varieties of goblin by drowning them. If you are unfortunate enough to have a water goblin infestation however they’ll become hyperactive and suck you down the drain, so caution is advised. With water goblins, bathe in a tub filled with strong alcohol to stun them, then peel them off one by one. Since they are normally not visible to humans, I’d recommend saving some of that strong alcohol for oneself. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/66 "2010-12-21T19:46:31Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > So now I know where to post my question about how to get into water dowsing. That market is flooded with excess supply. Stick to something more mainstream. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/67 "2010-12-21T19:50:41Z")
Over in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=590040), **Dio** was accused of having trolls in his pants. Any takers for sorting that out? ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/68 "2010-12-21T19:56:46Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > Over in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=590040), **Dio** was accused of having trolls in his pants. Any takers for sorting that out? No, I think he likes the added bulge. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/69 "2010-12-21T20:02:27Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > Over in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=590040), **Dio** was accused of having trolls in his pants. Any takers for sorting that out? Don’t know how to fix that one. But at least I now know why his post always left a bad taste in my mouth… ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/70 "2010-12-21T20:27:51Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Don’t know how to fix that one. But at least I now know why his post always left a bad taste in my mouth… Why did you have your mouth on his pants? 😃 And back to the crux of the the thread, I’m glad the linked thread got moved. And Nilbog is goblin spelled backwards. I’m disappointed no one went after the Troll 2 reference. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/71 "2010-12-21T20:28:32Z")
1. Get bigger pants. 2. Put cats down them. 3. You now have goblin-free pants. Profit! Hi, Opal. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/72 "2010-12-21T20:30:18Z")
> [@ShelliBean](#): > > That must have been some hardcore crazy you stuck your dick in to come out with goblins. I hear penicillin works wonders with alternate realm source STDs though. Win. > [@billfish678](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Originally Posted by **Darth Panda** > > Over in this thread, Dio was accused of having trolls in his pants. Any takers for sorting that out? > > Don’t know how to fix that one. But at least I now know why his post always left a bad taste in my mouth… Epic win. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/73 "2010-12-21T20:31:24Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > Why did you have your mouth on his pants? 😃 > . Well, I was trying (in vain as usual) to get to the meat of the matter. But instead all I came up was goblin flavored and opinionated hot air. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/74 "2010-12-21T20:36:13Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Well, I was trying (in vain as usual) to get to the meat of the matter. But instead all I came up was goblin flavored and opinionated hot air. You’re not supposed to suck, you’re supposed to blow. [sub]Or is it the other way around?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/75 "2010-12-21T21:07:19Z")
[QUOTE=RedFury] Dude, that’s all well and fine. But if you’ll read my query again, I was asking about the “goblins in the pants” predicament. After all, that’s the issue here and it’s just as valid as the other one. And if you’ll also be so kind, please set forth an explanation on the difference between goblins and your run-of-the-mill crabs. Just so I know the right treatment next time I get either. [/QUOTE] As I said…Windex (though that seems to be a Greek thing…in my family the cure all from my grandmother was Clorox). Dump some Windex or Clorox down your pants and goblins OR crabs will flee in panic. It’s good for sore throats and congestion too, as well as cleaning your engine or fixing your computer. It will also make your breath smell sweet and cure rheumatism… -XT ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/76 "2010-12-21T21:10:39Z")
> [@xtisme](#): > > As I said…Windex (though that seems to be a Greek thing…in my family the cure all from my grandmother was Clorox). -XT If your from the hood its Robotusin…aka Tusin. White folks from the 60s? Mercurachrome… Rural resident? Cod liver oil… Hippie? Extract of Hemp… ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/77 "2010-12-21T21:15:07Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > If your from the hood its Robotusin…aka Tusin. > > White folks from the 60s? Mercurachrome… > > Rural resident? Cod liver oil… > > Hippie? Extract of Hemp… If you live on the Chalk, liniment. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/78 "2010-12-21T21:58:28Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I am a druid. Now. I used to be a Ranger Lord back in the day when it was good to be a Ranger. +1 damage per level vs Giant Class, +4 damage for strength, + 2 for weapon specialization, +3 for magic weapon, Giant Slayer–which did double rolled damage + adds to Giant Class. 2 attacks per round for 2-24 + 20 damage. Anytime I was running the Ranger, the DM would add a couple dozen extra giants just for me. > 🆒 Oh, I see. You’re all a druid once the class is **cool** , but back in the days of forced True Neutral alignments and can’t-raise-your-level-unless-other-druids-in-the-hierarchy-die, you opt out. Buncha crap if you ask me. Anyway, I’d like to see what evidence the OP has about his pants goblins. I blame underpants gnomes. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/79 "2010-12-21T22:31:37Z")
> [@fluiddruid](#): > > Anyway, I’d like to see what evidence the OP has about his pants goblins. I blame underpants gnomes. Svirfneblins and goblins have been battling for **stpauler’s** “deep roads” for some time, I imagine. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951/80 "2010-12-22T00:12:43Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > Seriously. I must have goblins and instead of you proving factually that I’m incorrect in my assumptions, you need to go along with my delusions in a website that’s blah blah blah ignorance. Sorry, thought my atheism was well-known (given my username) and that ghosts and such would be lumped along with that. Didn’t think I needed to put all the disclaimers and such, but I should have known people would take it seriously and tell me that ghosts aren’t real. Thanks. Got something to tell me about Jesus? Because I haven’t heard about him or The Word either. At any rate, if you read further down you’ll see that I posted it drunk. I probably would’ve made the effort to post the disclaimers otherwise. Guess I’m not as famous around here as I previously believed… 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-goblins-in-my-pants-please-straight-dope-tell-me-a-factual-answer-to-getting-rid-of-them/564951.md?page=5)