# I have GOT to know why Oprah didn't marry. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 9, 2006, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994 "2006-05-09T00:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/21 "2006-05-09T18:05:56Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Eh…I have a girlfriend who wanted a big wedding and married the biggest asshole that ever darkened Planet Earth. He was wingin’ empty booze bottles at her on the honeymoon and she chased him out of the house for good (with a shotgun) before their 4-month anniversary. Happens a lot. Let me guess… twenty years later and they’re still happily married. Seriously I know people like this. How they survive being married to each other is a mystery but better they stay together than inflict themselves on anybody else. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/22 "2006-05-09T18:13:17Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > If I may be so bold to guess the reason before the show, I’d say it is because both Armstrong [and his fiancé, popsinger Sheryl Crow,](http://marriage.about.com/cs/celebritymarriages/a/lancekristin.htm) both have such busy careers that their partner can’t be the first priority in their life. And that would be something she has in common with Ophrah. Or it could be the fact that Sheryl Crow is, [IRL](http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/1996/09/15/PK43609.DTL), a vagina with a capital C, and Lance has finally figured that out. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/23 "2006-05-09T18:37:36Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Otto** > Isn’t it because Stedman is “a confirmed bachelor”? > [@KayElCee](#): > > Actually, I think it is because Oprah is “confirmed bachelorette” 😉 Are both of those the type said with air quotes and a wink and a nudge? Other topic: My wedding was around $4,000 and we did it on the cheap. You can easily spend $25,000 or more if you go overboard with all the crap you “must” do. In a recent thread on _The Office_ the subject of ‘Save The Date’ cards were brought up, and that’s one thing that just gouges brides-to-be even more. They’re little pre-printed cards you “must” send out to everyone you intend to invite with the bride and groom’s names and the date of the wedding and “Save the Date!” on them. Of course, they’re made to match the invitations they’ll eventually be sending. I have no idea what they cost, but I’m sure they’re not inexpensive. There’s really no reason for them, other than to get the bride to spend more money on stuff. I can’t even imagine when you’d send them - six months or so ahead of time? Wedding invites usually go out 6 or 8 weeks ahead, so you’d want people to ‘save the date’ in time. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/24 "2006-05-09T18:56:06Z")
> [@KayElCee](#): > > Actually, I think it is because Oprah is “confirmed bachelorette” 😉 Yeah, just ask Minge. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/25 "2006-05-09T19:11:15Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Let me guess… twenty years later and they’re still happily married. > > Seriously I know people like this. How they survive being married to each other is a mystery but better they stay together than inflict themselves on anybody else. She’s still married for the insurance benefits, but she’s been involved with another man for years. This guy is such an asshole that he shoved me across the room because I thought it was fine that Paul McCartney married again. (and no…I’m not kidding). ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/26 "2006-05-09T19:36:29Z")
Well, in the name of fighting ignorance, I’d like to add the following; I have seen Lance interviewed wherein he made a point of correcting the misinformation about his marriage, specifically, that he and his wife, who split amicably, were divorced before he ever met Cheryl Crow. I have also heard Oprah tell a story about how he’d proposed and they truly planned to be married, then she was sued by the beefcattlemen’s association. She had to move her entire staff and show to Texas for the duration of the trial and she simply couldn’t handle the stress of planning a wedding at the same time. It got put off a couple of times, they both got put off by the whole world asking them when they were going to get married. Like none of us can relate to that. Also, Stedman Graham has an ex wife and children, so I don’t think that qualifies him as a confirmed bachelor. None of this is less than widely known. Are you getting your information from those tabloids at the dentist’s office or what? ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/27 "2006-05-09T19:44:53Z")
I thought I’d read that Lance and Sheryl Crow had split up? I always thought Oprah stayed single 'cause no one could measure up to her in her eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/28 "2006-05-09T20:03:15Z")
> [@Elret](#): > > Without making it a much more casual affair, or sacrificing the number of guests, I can’t possibly imagine how I could have done it for $5000… Well, that’s exactly what people do to keep the price down. I don’t think I know 150 people, so there’s no way I’d put on a spread for that many. Also, living in a small blue-collar town like I do, I know that $13K for a wedding (much less $25K) simply is not even an option for most people. So they make do. You don’t have to have that many people at the wedding, or server a sit down dinner, or have an open bar. Invitations can be simple and therefor less costly. DJs and photographers are not required. I’m not getting down on anyone who has all these things - heck if you can afford it, go for it! I’m just saying that plenty of people have lovely weddings for a couple thousand dollars or less. I think **hajario** hit the nail on the head. Median and Average are different things. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/29 "2006-05-09T20:22:07Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > Are both of those the type said with air quotes and a wink and a nudge? Yes. They probably use [this](http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/grooming-lounge_1897_487557) for their shampoo. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/30 "2006-05-09T20:32:48Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > **Siege** : The average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is around $25,000. I blame **you** for this hijack. :mad: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/31 "2006-05-09T20:34:07Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > [Source:](http://money.cnn.com/2005/05/20/pf/weddings/) > Engaged couples can expect to hear more than the “bling bling” bouncing off the bride-to-be’s ring – they’ll also hear the ka-ching of the cash register as the average cost of a wedding soars to $26,327, according to a new survey. I still don’t buy it. The figures quotes are the result of a survey of 1000 women, done by a company that publishes a number of Bridal magazines. Hardly objective or thorough IMO. I looked around some, and all the cites I found are either citeless or from “surveys” or studies done by bridal magazines or other non-objective sources. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/32 "2006-05-09T20:38:38Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > No, this is the ex-wife, whom he dumped for Sheryl Crow, with whom he has subsequently broken up. Actually, he and his ex were already history when he met Sheryl. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Stilettos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Red\_Stilettos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Stilettos)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/33 "2006-05-09T21:10:58Z")
FTR, Oprah didn’t marry because she was afraid of losing herself to the marriage. The show was about women ceasing to honor who they are in deference to their husbands and marriage. Kristen Armstrong made a point to not blame Lance. She says that she felt like a shell of her former self and was completely unable to say that the life they were living was too much for her. In other words, the perfect wife doesn’t stir the pot. What bothered me about the show was that Oprah and her guru du jour Dr. Robin claim that any pre-wedding jitters is reason to call off the wedding. Ironically, that thinking supports the fairy tale of marriage that they were railing against. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/34 "2006-05-09T21:19:56Z")
Yeah, so besides the cost of a wedding and all the tabloid fodder and conjecture, did anyone figure out why Oprah specifically didn’t get (hasn’t yet?) married? I’m curious as well. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/35 "2006-05-09T21:21:54Z")
> [@Red Stilettos](#): > > FTR, Oprah didn’t marry because she was afraid of losing herself to the marriage. The show was about women ceasing to honor who they are in deference to their husbands and marriage. > > Kristen Armstrong made a point to not blame Lance. She says that she felt like a shell of her former self and was completely unable to say that the life they were living was too much for her. In other words, the perfect wife doesn’t stir the pot. > > What bothered me about the show was that Oprah and her guru du jour Dr. Robin claim that any pre-wedding jitters is reason to call off the wedding. Ironically, that thinking supports the fairy tale of marriage that they were railing against. I didn’t see this last post just now when I posted - but it seems like you saw the episode, still - can you tell us exactly what comment it was that prompted the line in the OP? ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Stilettos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Red\_Stilettos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Stilettos)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/36 "2006-05-09T21:40:59Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > I didn’t see this last post just now when I posted - but it seems like you saw the episode, still - can you tell us exactly what comment it was that prompted the line in the OP? I can’t remember it exactly, but it was something along the lines of, “I completely lost touch with who I was and I liked the person I was before the marriage.” To which Oprah responded, “That’s exactly why I never got married. I really like who I am.” The moment in the show wasn’t nearly as dramatic as it seems in the teaser. For anyone who’s interested, the interview was prompted by an article that Kristen Armstrong wrote for Glamour a few months back. It was titled something like, “What I wish I’d known before I got married”. ---
**Author:** ![Elret](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Elret](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elret)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/37 "2006-05-09T22:02:02Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > Well, that’s exactly what people do to keep the price down. I don’t think I know 150 people, so there’s no way I’d put on a spread for that many. Also, living in a small blue-collar town like I do, I know that $13K for a wedding (much less $25K) simply is not even an option for most people. So they make do. You don’t have to have that many people at the wedding, or server a sit down dinner, or have an open bar. Invitations can be simple and therefor less costly. DJs and photographers are not required. > > I’m not getting down on anyone who has all these things - heck if you can afford it, go for it! I’m just saying that plenty of people have lovely weddings for a couple thousand dollars or less. > > I think **hajario** hit the nail on the head. Median and Average are different things. Oh, please don’t think that I think less expensive weddings aren’t perfectly lovely! I do, I really do! It’s not that I don’t know how people have less expensive weddings, and I know many people do, but a lot of people _do_ also have formal sit down dinners for the whole fam damily, and I suppose that’s how the “average” price gets driven up. I may have taken you too literally, too - I have been to very nice weddings that are small and casual and likely did cost $5000 or less - absolutely beautiful, I just wouldn’t consider them “swanky” so it’s likely that I just think of swanky differently than you do. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/38 "2006-05-09T22:30:12Z")
> [@Red Stilettos](#): > > I can’t remember it exactly, but it was something along the lines of, “I completely lost touch with who I was and I liked the person I was before the marriage.” To which Oprah responded, “That’s exactly why I never got married. I really like who I am.” > > The moment in the show wasn’t nearly as dramatic as it seems in the teaser. > > For anyone who’s interested, the interview was prompted by an article that Kristen Armstrong wrote for Glamour a few months back. It was titled something like, “What I wish I’d known before I got married”. So it’s just a woman who’s against marriage talking to a woman who’s got a gripe about her own marriage. Nice. The conversation generated more heat than light I imagine. Shouldn’t they have been in their pajamas with cold cream on their faces stuffing cake and ice cream in their mouths while having this conversation? ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Stilettos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Red\_Stilettos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Stilettos)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/39 "2006-05-09T22:35:08Z")
Yep. Whoever edits her teasers should definitely get a raise. They made it seem like some huge revelation was forthcoming. In reality, it was five women sitting around bemoaning how marriage sucks the life out of women. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994/40 "2006-05-09T22:52:45Z")
These teaser things are often a let down. I mean Oprah has talked about how she didn’t want to marry and focus on having a family because she felt she could do more not having a family of her own. Damn, I wish I could find that article I read a few years back where she talked about marriage. Alas, my google-fu is off today. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-got-to-know-why-oprah-didnt-marry/355994.md?page=3)