# I have kidnapped Cecil

**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-kidnapped-cecil/525772
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 21, 2010, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-kidnapped-cecil/525772 "2010-01-21T00:44:04Z")
**Posts on this page:** 3
**Page:** 4

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### Author: ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)
#### Post date: [January 29, 2010, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-kidnapped-cecil/525772/61 "2010-01-29T03:39:15Z")

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I have kidnapped Mariska Hargitay.

You kept me waiting just that little bit too long.

On the bright side, I no longer give a damn about those Fruit Roll-Ups. 😃

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### Author: ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)
#### Post date: [January 29, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-kidnapped-cecil/525772/62 "2010-01-29T14:20:22Z")

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[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:60, topic:525772”]

Little-known fact: Cecil _is_ Tiny Tim. He was also Richard Feynman, but people started to catch on, so he faked Feynman’s death.

Oh, and he was also Marie Curie.  
[/QUOTE]

A radioactive physicist (ah screw it, I can’t spell) who sings falsetto?

I see why **Mindfield** kidnapped him, that’s an oddity right there!

(All three of those people are dead, though, two of them after Cecil’s columns started. So who is he now?)

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### Author: ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)
#### Post date: [January 29, 2010, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-kidnapped-cecil/525772/63 "2010-01-29T14:57:52Z")

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> [@Juliana](#):
>
> How much will you take to keep him? 😃

I can see we’re going to have to go over this again. The next remedial classes are at noon and four tomorrow. Can I pencil you in for one of those?

Wait, do people still say “pencil you in?” Do people do that for real anymore? Do they even still _make_ pencils? I hate being anachronistic in this high tech world.

> [@dhkendall](#):
>
> **You monster!**

What? It’s perfect! It’s cruel, but not unusually so, and he has enough personality to keep you awake. I mean, I could have gone that extra mile and put on the _videos_, but then I’d run the risk of inducing a hallucinogenic state, and torture just doesn’t work properly when you’re stoned.

> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#):
>
> I have kidnapped Mariska Hargitay.
> 
> You kept me waiting just that little bit too long.
> 
> On the bright side, I no longer give a damn about those Fruit Roll-Ups. 😃

Oh for pity’s sake, you couldn’t have waited 'til the end of the season? Now I’ll _never_ find out if the sexual tension between Benson and Stabler erupts into a passionate fling they both end up regretting.

Well, could you at least make a videotape or two? I think you owe the world _that_ much. (Less of you, more of her, if you don’t mind.)

> [@dhkendall](#):
>
> A radioactive physicist (ah screw it, I can’t spell) who sings falsetto?
> 
> I see why **Mindfield** kidnapped him, that’s an oddity right there!

Not so much as you might think. You should have heard Jack Steinberger when I shot a concentrated beam of gamma radiation at his genitals. Live or Memorex, it didn’t matter: E above high C at 150dB. My entire wine service simply exploded. The cat hid in the underwear drawer and wouldn’t come out for _days_.

Jack’s doing porn now.

> [@dhkendall](#):
>
> (All three of those people are dead, though, two of them after Cecil’s columns started. So who is he now?)

Jon Pertwee.

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