# I have my own ugly naked guy! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455 "2003-06-30T23:39:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/21 "2003-07-01T19:08:08Z")
Does anyone know if there’s a market for a Lonely Barking Dog? I have one in my complex that needs to be moved along. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/22 "2003-07-01T19:16:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BadBaby \* > \*\*I wish I had a nice ol’ Ugly Naked Guy like you have. I must 've pressed the wrong button because I received Ugly Barfs Off the Balcony Guy instead. I just noticed his Skanky Girlfriend and Drunk Friend-- I think I’ll collect the whole set! \*\* Pikers! You haven’t lived until you’ve been on my balcony, right across from _Ugly Topless And Perhaps Demented Overweight 85 Year Old Woman With Flappy Breasts Waving in The Wind_. I tell ya, I rarely take the gamble of eating on the balcony these days. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/23 "2003-07-01T19:17:57Z")
And to elaborate: she’s not behind a screen door or anything. She’s out on the balcony, usually to enjoy the view, apparently. Never mind that that spoils everyone else’s, of course. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/24 "2003-07-01T19:39:44Z")
_Originally posted by Coldfire in different thread_ > [@](#): > > When you look at it, I have ample _opportunity_ to not stay faithful. My girlfriend lives 8,000 miles away from me, and we tend to see each other every three months or so, if we’re lucky. I live in Amsterdam, a city as lively as they come. Anyone who’s been to the Netherlands will back me up when I say we’ve got some _beautiful_ women here. Heh, I see what you mean. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/25 "2003-07-01T22:06:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by anya marie \* > \*\*I need to unload a set of Stupid Punk Kids with Excessively Loud Stereo. I don’t imagine many people will take them off my hands. \*\* Ooo, pretty crappy trade-in values in the Neighbor Blue Book. The salesman really screwed you on that one. ---
**Author:** ![NothingMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b77776/32.png) [@NothingMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NothingMan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/26 "2003-07-02T00:13:43Z")
Hey **Lsura** if ya want I’ll be more than happy to come by and have a little “talk” with UNG. After I’m through with him he’ll never have that screen door closed again! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![medstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f07891/32.png) [@medstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/medstar)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/27 "2003-07-02T00:39:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*Pikers! > > You haven’t lived until you’ve been on my balcony, right across from _Ugly Topless And Perhaps Demented Overweight 85 Year Old Woman With Flappy Breasts Waving in The Wind_. > > I tell ya, I rarely take the gamble of eating on the balcony these days. \*\* You win. I was unable to finish my dinner after reading your description. I hope you’re happy. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/28 "2003-07-02T01:04:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lsura \* > \*\*Now, just because it’s been (insert #of years) since I had sex doesn’t mean that I automatically drop my eyes to the groin of every guy I see, even if that guy is naked. > But, well, it was just…I mean…he was _naked_! Where else am I supposed to look? \*\* Hah! We guys may not be able to look a naked woman in the eyes, but at least we know whether she’s ugly, or not. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/29 "2003-07-02T01:39:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Beauty is in the eye of the holder. \*\* If _that_ “beauty” is in her eye, she’s doing it wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/30 "2003-07-14T13:46:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Davebear \* > \*\*If _that_ “beauty” is in her eye, she’s doing it wrong. \*\* Maybe she has a removeable glass eye? There was a really awful joke I read once involving such a situation. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/31 "2003-07-14T13:52:58Z")
My apartment sucks. All I have is Possibly Unhinged ex-Roommate and Normal Indian Family Who Seem to Be Walking By Whenever I Leave My Apartment. I suppose I’m the local Funny Looking Guy in Underpants. ---
**Author:** ![Ashkicker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4bbf92/32.png) [@Ashkicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashkicker)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/32 "2003-07-14T13:57:00Z")
So are you going out on the balcony more or less to smoke? It could be a good thing if it is less. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ForgottenLore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@ForgottenLore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForgottenLore)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/33 "2003-07-14T15:27:13Z")
I am SO GLAD that I am no longer an apartment-dweller. Unfortunately for me, the weirdos in my apartment complex weren’t across from my balcony, they were my roommates. All at the same time, I had: Kleptomanic Guy Stays-shut-in-his-room-smoking-dope-and-only-comes-out-to-complain-that-the-woman-he-had-one-night-stand-with-won’t-stop-calling Guy Laughs-maniacally-at-any-sitcom Guy. ---
**Author:** ![Plankspanker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Plankspanker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plankspanker)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/34 "2003-07-14T16:06:00Z")
Anyone want the ‘we’ll move in and start changing the whole damn village cos it’s so out of date’ neighbours? we got a set going spare. complete with poseur mercs and a beamer. children and pets (and anything else that would ruin their ‘perfect’ lifestyle) extra… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/35 "2003-07-14T16:41:20Z")
According to the trade-in values in the Neighbor Blue Book, depending on milage and “optional extras” an Ugly Naked Guy is roughly equivalent to: One Deranged Urine-Smelling Cat Woman. Point seven Stereo Cranking Adolescents. One-and-a-half Noisy Lovemaking Couples. Point six of a Domestic Violence Family. Three Funny Looking Guys in Underpants (good deal, that)! Point eight Smelly-Cooking Ethnic Families. Oh, Ugly Topless And Perhaps Demented Overweight 85 Year Old Woman With Flappy Breasts Waving in The Wind are listed under “Extensive Structural Damage, Flood Damage and Totalled”. ---
**Author:** ![HotRail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6bbea6/32.png) [@HotRail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HotRail)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/36 "2003-07-14T16:56:49Z")
What can I get for “Man Who Has Loud Sex and Stops in the Middle to Announce that it is Time to do More Coke Followed by a Good Rock Smoked on the Balcony as the Smell of Crack Wafts into My Bedroom”? ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/37 "2003-07-14T16:59:02Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Michael Ellis \* > \*\* Normal Indian Family Who Seem to Be Walking By Whenever I Leave My Apartment._\* Meanwhile they have Always Has to Leave At the Same Time as Us Guy. I was out smoking a minute ago. Ugly Naked Guy was out on his balcony, unfortunately not naked. I think I may have to change his name to “Not So Ugly Naked Guy With Really Nice Back Muscles”. ---
**Author:** ![Nangleator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e19adc/32.png) [@Nangleator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nangleator)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/38 "2003-07-14T18:11:15Z")
I’ll take five Smelly Ethnic Cooking Families over Chasing, Squealing & Tickling Couple (Combined Weight \> 500lbs) any day, particularly when CS&TC lives upstairs (as they always do.) Unless of course all those SECFs have Use All Laundry Machines At The Same Time toggled to ON. I also am a borderline Ugly Naked Guy. I don’t flaunt, but there is a price to be paid for looking in my windows. ---
**Author:** ![Misery\_Loves\_Co](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Misery\_Loves\_Co](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misery_Loves_Co)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/39 "2003-07-14T18:56:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Beauty is in the eye of the holder. \*\* Please report to The Center for reprogramming. [sub]JuanitaTech’s following post, though unrelated, just seemed to fit - at least to my delicately cynical sensibilities. Carry on. . .[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455/40 "2003-07-14T19:22:28Z")
You know, if everybody were good-looking naked, we probably wouldn’t have any need for “indecent exposure” laws. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-my-own-ugly-naked-guy/185455.md?page=3)