# I have no pubic hair! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 21, 2003, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465 "2003-11-21T07:23:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/1 "2003-11-21T07:23:05Z")
Gods above, how am I going to explain this to my fiance? I have not shaved any part of my body for two weeks. I’ve been busy, and, since I’m at school, no one but me is seeing my hairiness. Frankly, I can live with the extra hair, but I’m seeing my fiance this weekend, and I don’t want to inflict it on him. So I go to take a bath tonight. The bathtub in my college dorm is pretty icky compared to what I’m used to. I turn on the water, it comes out brown. I re-read the entirety of _Crime and Punishment_, and, when I’ve finished, the water’s running a sort-of milky white color. I figure it isn’t going to get any better and therefore strip down to utter nekkidness. The lighting above the tub, of course, is absolutely flattering, enhancing my every pore, my every spot of acne, and my every rogue stretch mark. I am starving myself\* to get rid of these damned things right now, and I really don’t want to be reminded of them, thankyouverymuch. So I get into the tub, and proceed to shave. The legs and the underarms go off without a hitch, so I move to the Forbidden Zone and go at it with the razor. Normally, I just trim it down with the razor. I don’t want a bush, but I also don’t want to look like I’m 10. I get it manageable, and I quit. This is how my fiance prefers it. This is how _I_ prefer it. Tonight, however, I am somewhat out of it, and I am using a still-very-sharp razor. I keep on going, and before I know it, I have a completely bald spot the size of a half-dollar in the middle of my crotch. It’s noticeable. It’s very fucking noticeable. Seeing as I do not believe that pubic hair should be turned into abstract art, I decided to shave most of it off. I believe that what I have now could be called a “landing strip”, though, as I’m not really an expert on such things, I could be wrong. There’s not very much there, though. I look 12. I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to explain this. Somehow, I think that saying, “I spaced out” when he asks why I am suddenly hairless is going to lead to a three hour laughing fit, which is going to keep us from having sex, which is why I put the razor down there in the first place, dammit! Not to mention that I’ll never live it down, as I’m kinda naturally spacey sometimes… And it’s going to itch like a motherfucker when it grows back, too! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Cek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Cek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cek)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/2 "2003-11-21T07:46:12Z")
You could always get a merkin… ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/3 "2003-11-21T10:55:20Z")
I just did the same thing three days ago (without the brown running bathwater, thank you for that visual ;)). I couldn’t find the #1 clipper attachment, and then suddenly I messed up and there was a bald patch, so before I knew it, there was _none._ Aloe lotion helped… no itching. But it looks stupid. In a way, I’m glad there’s a transit strike on, because that means I can’t make it to the gym, and therefore no one will see my barely-pubescent-looking crotch other than **jeremy evil**. Oh sure, I see plenty of pubeless guys there, but I just don’t want to be yet another one. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/4 "2003-11-21T10:56:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Angel of the Lord \* > I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to explain this. Somehow, I think that saying, “I spaced out” when he asks why I am suddenly hairless is going to lead to a three hour laughing fit, which is going to keep us from having sex, which is why I put the razor down there in the first place, dammit! My sympathies on the itching to come. Anyhow, I’ve often found that a good belly-laugh is a great prelude to sex. Sex is serious, but it shouldn’t be _too_ serious. Tell him you shaved it on a whim - oh, _gosh_, maybe that was a silly thought - and heck, if ya’ll don’t like it, it will grow back. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/5 "2003-11-21T13:18:17Z")
Pictures? ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/6 "2003-11-21T13:57:09Z")
What about something like a small pair of needlepoint scissors for trims? It ought to reduce the chances of REALLY messing up. No razor is getting any nearer that part of me than my upper thighs. On the outside. Ever. I just don’t see the point of shaving, though if you like it, knock yourself out. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/7 "2003-11-21T14:04:17Z")
Heh. This reminds me of something one of my ex-roommates said. He went and visited his girlfriend. After making out for a while, he slid his hand down and felt…nothing…this surprised him so he froze up for a second. His girlfriend asked him what was wrong and then said she shaved and “didn’t he like it?” He paused a long moment and said “if you shaved your cat, would you still want to pet it?” 🙂 Yeah, he was a jerk. Ah, well. I wouldn’t sweat it. Hair grows back. It’s not like you shaved your head or anything. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/8 "2003-11-21T14:07:16Z")
Lotta guys like shaved pussies a LOT. Plus, they make oral sex eaiser. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/9 "2003-11-21T14:11:58Z")
The Master Speaks! [http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3\_232.html](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_232.html) ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/10 "2003-11-21T14:35:11Z")
> [@](#): > > If you shaved your cat, would you still want to pet it? Heee heee…I may adopt that as my sig line. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/11 "2003-11-21T14:53:42Z")
"In other news, the latest victim of the Tragedy of Sequential Thread Titles claimed another victim today. **Shodan** read the title of this thread, saw that the one below it was **Stentor** ’s “I Saw the Wienermobile Today!” and choked to death on his coffee. “I told him that messageboard would be the death of him”, remarked the Lovely and Talented Mrs. **Shodan**. In lieu of cremation, he will be ground up and fed to the hamsters. Now, for the weather…" Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Daftbugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Daftbugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daftbugger)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/12 "2003-11-21T15:16:53Z")
Ah, I did something similar, but I was using hair removing foam to rid myself of bikini line, rather than a razor. It took off more hair than I thought, although not all of it. Oddly, my boyfriend didn’t notice (he’s not very observant). It didn’t itch much growing back either, much to my astonishment. ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/13 "2003-11-21T17:30:33Z")
If you keep it shaved, it won’t itch since there’s no growing back. I find it’s a lot easier to take the whole thing off than to try and keep some little stripe down there. How do people get it even on both sides? Too much bother for me. ---
**Author:** ![NoneYet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@NoneYet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoneYet)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/14 "2003-11-21T18:12:33Z")
Just tell him that it turned out uneven and you kept going to get it even. Then, before you knew it, it was gone. That’ll work. He’ll just think you were tired or something. Happens to the best of us! ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/15 "2003-11-21T18:16:07Z")
seems **NoneYet** ’s idea would work you could say you wanted it perfectly even for him [slight hijack] welcome **NoneYet** [/sh] ---
**Author:** ![SpacemanSpiff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@SpacemanSpiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpacemanSpiff)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/16 "2003-11-21T18:19:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cek \* > \*\*You could always get a merkin… \*\* Oh, that merkin line was great… My co-workers probably think I’m crazy for all of the sudden bursting out in laughter. Anyway, I always new that there had to be a practical use for a merkin. And I’m sorry to hear of the tragic death of Shodan. May I be as honorable and graceful in life as Shodan was in death… ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/17 "2003-11-21T18:37:38Z")
I _knew_ it wouldn’t be long before there was another shaved pubic thread. 🙂 As for the itching, go with **missbunny’s** advice. Keep it shaved and it won’t itch. Works for me. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/18 "2003-11-21T18:39:00Z")
Oh, and welcome **NoneYet** and **SpacemanSpiff**. ---
**Author:** ![sirtonyh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@sirtonyh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sirtonyh)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/19 "2003-11-21T18:42:38Z")
I’m sorry Angel. As someone with a full complement of pubic here is so, so want to sympathize and say kind words, but your post was just too damn funny 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Papaveraceae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e8c25b/32.png) [@Papaveraceae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Papaveraceae)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465/20 "2003-11-21T18:45:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*The Master Speaks! > > [http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3\_232.html](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_232.html) \*\* OMG. :eek: Now THAT is something that I hadn’t heard of. **Angel of the Lord** I’ve always found that using a loofa or buff-puff gently on the area while you shower helps considerably with the itching, and the ingrown hairs that you will almost surely develop. I also recommend using seseme oil for soothing after the shave. Um, not that I save regularly or anything like that… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-no-pubic-hair/214465.md?page=2)