# I have permission to have an affair **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 4, 2005, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418 "2005-05-04T18:39:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/1 "2005-05-04T18:39:35Z")
From my husband’s doctor!!! :eek: Ivylad has ongoing back issues, to the point where he has a morphine pump and must use a walker to get around. He and I had a fight this morning, brought on in part, I think, because if his increasingly frequent headaches.\* Anyhoo, he has an appointment with his doctor today, and his doctor said that I’m having problems with his handicap and that he should encourage me to have an affair! I was stunned, to say the least, and I’m going to continue to urge Ivylad to find another doctor. What he said was horribly inappropriate and insults our marriage. I cannot believe any doctor would spew such nonsense. \*Ivylad has scar tissue growing on his nerves. This causes his leg to give out without warning. When his leg give out, he falls and sometimes he hits his head. It’s been happening more and more, starting with a pretty bad fall in February where he smacked his head on the side of the kitchen counter. This is causing long, frequent headaches and dizzy spells, which leaves him somewhat short-tempered at times. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/2 "2005-05-04T18:48:13Z")
Was this straight to your face, or Ivylad telling you the doctor’s words? I have a slight suspicion that the doctor’s statement was tongue-in-cheek… ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/3 "2005-05-04T18:52:17Z")
Take two orgasms and call me in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/4 "2005-05-04T18:54:21Z")
\*The sacred lowe o’ weel-plac’d love, Luxuriantly indulge it; But never tempt th’ illicit rove, Tho’ naething should divulge it: I waive the quantum o’ the sin, The hazard of concealing; But, och! it hardens a’ within, And petrifies the feeling! \* ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/5 "2005-05-04T18:54:58Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Was this straight to your face, or Ivylad telling you the doctor’s words? Ivylad told me (he doesn’t lie, and he has no patience with cheaters) and I can’t imagine what professional would consider it appropriate to tell his patient to encourage his wife to have an affair. I’ve only met the doctor once or twice, he doesn’t know me, and for him to assume my feelings about my husband’s disability is completely out of line. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/6 "2005-05-04T18:56:47Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Was this straight to your face, or Ivylad telling you the doctor’s words? > > I have a slight suspicion that the doctor’s statement was tongue-in-cheek… Or head-up-ass. What kind of quack tells a sick man that since he can’t do the boom-boom with his wife, she should feel free to go get her a little piece on the side? Tell Ivylad to whack him over the head with his walker next time he tries to be funny. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/7 "2005-05-04T19:15:40Z")
Well, he _can_ do the boom-boom. 😉 But I think his days of ignoring the pain to get a little are over. He’s not been in the mood several times, and for a man in his early 40s, that’s saying something. ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/8 "2005-05-04T19:24:27Z")
Ivylass I’m so sorry that your husband has pain issues. Chronic pain can be such a debilitating mess. I live in the same area as you and would love to know who that Dr. is so I can avoid him like the plague. What was he thinking? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![JerH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bb73d2/32.png) [@JerH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerH)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/9 "2005-05-04T20:39:18Z")
Has this doctor never heard of masturbation? Vibrators? If \*\*Ivylass \*\*is so desperately in need of an orgasm, I suspect she can find one without cheating on her lad. ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/10 "2005-05-04T20:39:51Z")
Actually, this is becoming a more common recommendation in circumstances like this. I’m not entirely sure why, it just is - maybe the doctor feels that getting “permission” will make it easier than if/when the woman feels that her needs aren’t being met any more. I honestly can’t say. I can say that a friend of my wife’s indicated that her husband’s doctor down in Corpus Christi made a similar recommendation, in their situation, which is similar ot yours, **ivylass**. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/11 "2005-05-04T21:45:56Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > From my husband’s doctor!!! :eek: > > Ivylad has ongoing back issues, to the point where he has a morphine pump and must use a walker to get around. He and I had a fight this morning, brought on in part, I think, because if his increasingly frequent headaches.\* > > Anyhoo, he has an appointment with his doctor today, and his doctor said that I’m having problems with his handicap and that he should encourage me to have an affair! > > I was stunned, to say the least, and I’m going to continue to urge Ivylad to find another doctor. What he said was horribly inappropriate and insults our marriage. I cannot believe any doctor would spew such nonsense. > > \*Ivylad has scar tissue growing on his nerves. This causes his leg to give out without warning. When his leg give out, he falls and sometimes he hits his head. It’s been happening more and more, starting with a pretty bad fall in February where he smacked his head on the side of the kitchen counter. This is causing long, frequent headaches and dizzy spells, which leaves him somewhat short-tempered at times. I hope Ivylad is seeing a specialist. Falling down once or twice is one thing. Falling down frequently is a sign of denial, stupidity or mental defect. You should attend with him when he sees his doctor. Frequent headaches and dizzy spells caused just by a fall? He is probably not telling everything the doctor is telling him. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/12 "2005-05-04T21:53:18Z")
It’s several falls, actually. And several times of hitting his head. It’s through workers comp, so we have to wait for the whole bureaucracy to approve a visit to a neurologist. They’ve done X-rays and CAT scans of his neck, and haven’t found anything, but he’s still getting headaches and dizzy spells. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/13 "2005-05-04T22:14:28Z")
Sorry to hear about the problems **ivylass** at the risk of putting my foot in it, is it possible that the suggestion is **ivylad** ’s and that he is using the doctors advice story to help make it sound less strange a request? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/14 "2005-05-04T22:14:35Z")
Come to me, my little Peach Pit! Doctor’s orders… 😉😃😛 ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2005, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/15 "2005-05-05T10:59:29Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > Sorry to hear about the problems **ivylass** at the risk of putting my foot in it, is it possible that the suggestion is **ivylad** ’s and that he is using the doctors advice story to help make it sound less strange a request? Not hardly. Look, I know you guys don’t know me except for what I post here, but trust me, I know my husband. There is NO way in hell he would ever entertain such a suggestion. He was floored, to say the least. ---
**Author:** ![ChuckForbin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@ChuckForbin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChuckForbin)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2005, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/16 "2005-05-05T11:45:31Z")
I think your husband is creating the story, with good intentions and out of concern for your “needs” which he thinks are not being fullfilled. The fact that he’s on morphine and other drugs might explain his unusual behavior. I Am Not A Psychiatrist, and normally I wouldn’t expres an opinion on such a personal matter, but you asked. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2005, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/17 "2005-05-05T11:47:56Z")
Well, I was going to mention that I’m with driving distance and will be out your way this weekend, but in light of your reaction perhaps that’s not the best way to go. As for this trend with physicians, perhaps the UCF Med school has been giving a class on the literature of D.H. Lawrence? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2005, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/18 "2005-05-05T13:11:49Z")
Maybe your doctor just meant you could have a catered party. You know, to take your mind off things… I’ll go away. ---
**Author:** ![Black\_Train\_Song](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@Black\_Train\_Song](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Black_Train_Song)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2005, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/19 "2005-05-05T13:17:02Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > Come to me, my little Peach Pit! > > Doctor’s orders… 😉😃😛 Beat me to it! Ha. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2005, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418/20 "2005-05-05T17:16:58Z")
Jeeze! I have nothing to add here, really, except I just noticed the next thread title after this one happened to be [I must stop looking at crotches](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=315001)🙂 Anyway, I know you’ve mentioned **Ivylad’s** pain issues before and I’m sorry he’s got all this going on. Has he seen a pain-management specialist? Would something like a TENS unit or implantable morphine pump be at all useful? No medical knowledge here, just mindlessly spouting stuff I’ve seen on Discover Health… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-permission-to-have-an-affair/302418.md?page=2)