# I Have Seen the Future (warning: very much blah-blah-blah) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 13, 2004, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232 "2004-09-13T11:09:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/81 "2004-09-15T18:23:35Z")
Ivan is looking at Mobile, AL right now. Looks like we won’t get any direct effects here, just wind and lots of rain from the outer bands. We’re still under a flood watch cause it ain’t gonna take much for that to start happening. ☹ Staff is supposed to report to work tomorrow but no one who receives services (our vocational and adult day services) will be here. There’s still the possibility of downed power lines, trees and such. So swampy has another icky night to sit through. On the plus side, I had some gooooooooooooooooooood lasagna for lunch! It was yummmmmmmmmmmmmmy! On the double plus good side, a certain burly man is coming over and staying the night. I just happen to have two bottles of nicely chilled champagne in the fridge. The hot tub also happens to be all ready. Think I’ll stop by the store and buy a couple steaks. What? Moi? Sneakily plan a romantic middle of the week date? You’re dang right! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/82 "2004-09-15T18:34:33Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > I just happen to have two bottles of nicely chilled champagne in the fridge. The hot tub also happens to be all ready. Think I’ll stop by the store and buy a couple steaks. What? Moi? Sneakily plan a romantic middle of the week date? Mmmm, sounds wonderful. Steaks and a hot tub? What time is dinner? Shall I bring dessert? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![merrily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@merrily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merrily)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/83 "2004-09-15T19:16:35Z")
My ferrets loooooove raisins. Sometimes I cut up a grape for them, and tell them it is “raisin tartare.” A sample from my book: “The proper use of the triple negative, or it is not unmeaningless.” **Bibliocat** , I think **Swampy** is the dessert… ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/84 "2004-09-15T20:12:34Z")
I mostly prefer my chocolate to be female (you know, no nuts), although pecans and to a lesser extent walnuts, are allowed (if necessary) in brownies and fudge, and nut flavoring, especially hazelnut, is also acceptable. Crushed nuts \ A very old man, hunched over and walking gingerly, slowly made his way to the counter of an ice cream parlour. “Could I have an ice cream sundae?” he asked. “Of course,” answered the pert young girl at the counter, “with whipped cream?” “Yes” said the old man. “A cherry?” queried the girl. “Oh, yes please.” responded the old man. Then the girl said, “Crushed nuts?” to which he responded, “No. Just arthritis.” \ as a crust for say a chocolate pie or cheesecake, or very lightly sprinkled on a cake can also be tasty. Red licorice=good, black licorice=bad (except ouzo, a Greek liqueur that tastes like thick, liquid black licorice–mostly because it’s strong enough that I forget what it tastes like when I drink it). Black jujubees are for throwing at unsuspecting people at movie theaters. If they suspect you of throwing black jujubees, it’s no fun, so throw the green ones instead. It confuses them. Betting is now open on how hungover **swampy** will be upon the morrow. Lucky dog. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/85 "2004-09-15T20:13:42Z")
> [@merrily](#): > > Bibliocat, I think Swampy is the dessert… Actually, if all goes according to plan, a certain burly man will be dessert. 😉 Step into my parlor, said the spider to the fly ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/86 "2004-09-15T20:53:17Z")
Oh susan, that was not begging, that was a demand, an order! Can you hear the whip snapping now? I’ll put on the black leather and spike heels if needed. I will have recipes now! The muffins will be light and fluffy! They will pop out of the pan easily! Thanks for the link! ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/87 "2004-09-15T21:06:14Z")
Just saw the 5:00 update and Ivan’s still tracking for Mobile Bay. **swampy** , you remember to pace yourself! You know how you are about appetizers and not havin’ room for desert! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/88 "2004-09-15T21:35:22Z")
I wanted to send this when **Swampy** was pushing toadstools earlier this week, but I only found it a couple of minutes ago. +++++++ A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbors house each month. Of course the lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it came time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the dinner at their house, like most women, Susie wanted to outdo all the others and prepare a meal that was the best that any of them had ever lapped a lip over. A few days before the big event, Susie got out her cookbook and decided to have mushroom smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy some mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted to pay. She then told her husband, “We aren’t going to have mushrooms because they are too expensive.” He said, “Why don’t you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the creek bed.” She said, “No, I don’t want to do that, because I have heard that wild mushrooms are poison.” He then said, “I don’t think so. I see the varmints eating them all the time and it never has affected them.” After thinking about this, Susie decided to give this a try and got in the pickup and went down in the pasture and picked some. She brought the wild mushrooms back home and washed them, slicked and diced them to get them ready go over her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and got Ole Spot’s (the yard dog) bowl and gave him a double handful. She even put some bacon grease on them to make them tasty. Ol’ Spot didn’t slow down until he had eaten every bite. All morning long Susie watched him and the wild mushrooms didn’t seem to affect him, so she decided to use them. The meal was a great success, and Susie even hired a lady from town to come out and help her serve. She had on a white apron and a little cap on her head. It was first class. After everyone had finished they all began to kick back and relax and socialize. The men were visiting and the women started to gossip a bit. About this time the lady from town came in from the kitchen and whispered in Susie’s ear. She said, “Mrs. Brown, Spot just died.” With this news, Susie went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor said, “It’s bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as I can get there. We will pump out everyone’s stomach and everything will be fine. Just keep them all there and keep them calm.” It wasn’t long until they could hear the wail of the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. When they got there, the EMTs got out with their suitcases and a stomach pump and the doctor arrived shortly thereafter. One by one they took each person into the master bedroom and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, I think everything will be fine now, and he left. They were all looking pretty peaked sitting around the living room, and about this time the town lady came in and said, “You know, that fellow that ran over Ole Spot never even stopped.” ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/89 "2004-09-15T21:57:54Z")
> [@Ashes](#): > > Oh susan, that was not begging, that was a demand, an order! Can you hear the whip snapping now? I’ll put on the black leather and spike heels if needed. I will have recipes now! :eek: Um, what kind of recipes do you want, mistress? ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/90 "2004-09-15T22:28:46Z")
And to clear up any additional confusion, if you see a **scout1222** over there on the Cooking Light BB steer clear of her. She’s clearly mentally unbalanced. I can’t bring myself to associate with the likes of her. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/91 "2004-09-15T22:49:57Z")
> [@Tupug Anachi](#): > > Just saw the 5:00 update and Ivan’s still tracking for Mobile Bay. **swampy** , you remember to pace yourself! You know how you are about appetizers and not havin’ room for desert! 😉 Yeah, everyone knows **swampy** and deserts don’t mix, although he may want to dry out just a tad 'round about now. He should save room for dessert as well. \ Remember, you wouldn’t want two _deserts_, but might be happy to get two _desserts_. \ ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/92 "2004-09-15T23:32:17Z")
I’m not much good for cooking, because while I like bright and shiny kitchen implements, I’m not entirely sure how to use them. However, I have a kick-ass cookbook that I got a month ago that includes a recipe for brownies involving lots of chocolate (baking), chocolate (chips), gobs of butter, a coffee can of sugar, coconut, and pecans. The author of said cookbook guarantees 400 calories per slice, and that panties will come off. I actually think I could make this stuff. You gotta’ come to my house to get it though. The chicken-fried-steak-on-an-enormous-biscuit-with-cream-gravy sandwich recipe scares me a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/93 "2004-09-15T23:38:40Z")
_And it’s a HEAVE! HO! comin’ down the plains! Stealin’ wheat and barley, and all the other grains. And it a HI! HO! Farmers bar your doors When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores!_ From _The Last Saskatchewan Pirate_\*. I love the **Arrogant Worms**. I have just spent two days housecleaning. Well, and finishing off Tad Williams’ **Otherland** series. so my eyes have gone all funny. All the books are 1000 pages long. I am trying to find my desk under all the crap we dump on it. I have a very short vinyl dress and combat boots with heels. Fishnets, too. What? When I was in Philly visiting Best Friend we girls all went to Victoria’s Secret together. We ended up in one changeroom room, all trying things on. In retrospect, it would have been a good porn film scene, except that we weren’t groping each other. It was like an extension of the normal female bathroom-bonding experience. Hmm. Three blondes, and one Japanese chick, in a changeroom, trying on lacy things… ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/94 "2004-09-15T23:52:28Z")
> [@Lissla Lissar](#): > > \*I have a very short vinyl dress and combat boots with heels. Fishnets, too. I know that folks in Ontario are unaffected, but down here in the States we have an election going on, and all claims are expected to be accompanied with evidence. Photographic-type evidence preferred. > [@](#): > > _When I was in Philly visiting Best Friend we girls all went to Victoria’s Secret together. We ended up in one changeroom room, all trying things on. In retrospect, it would have been a good porn film scene, except that we weren’t groping each other. It was like an extension of the normal female bathroom-bonding experience. Hmm. Three blondes, and one Japanese chick, in a changeroom, trying on lacy things…_ Again, photographic confirmation is required. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2004, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/95 "2004-09-16T07:06:14Z")
**Ex** has kitchen toys Soft, distant, Arrogant Worms **welby** is missing. Warm raisin tartare **swampy** plays wet Ivan games Chocolate desert. Cooking light evil Laughing trench-coated movies The future is **Rue**. First there are too many Then there’s far too few For this I learned to count? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2004, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/96 "2004-09-16T12:16:37Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m kind of into defiling. Anyone needs to be defiled, you just let me know. Ladies first, of course. 🙂 His secretary hates this about him. Every morning when she comes in, he’s defiled her. There are papers strewn all over the office and her drawers are hanging open. (Maybe just her filing cabinet drawers, maybe not.) **Shibb** sits in his dark office watching out his door as she re-files her defilement, smoking French cigarettes and chuckling to himself. It’s a sickness, really. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2004, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/97 "2004-09-16T12:17:40Z")
**Kalley** and **vunderbob** : **BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!** This place is really helping up my joke repetoire. **Lissla** I just gotta find me some **Arrogant Worms** music. Those lyrics are hilarioius! I am not hungover. I am happy! 😃 It was a good evening. That’s all I’m gonna say. Well, that and it will continue this weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2004, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/98 "2004-09-16T12:56:16Z")
> [@Rue DeDay](#): > > His secretary hates this about him. Every morning when she comes in, he’s defiled her. There are papers strewn all over the office and her drawers are hanging open. (Maybe just her filing cabinet drawers, maybe not.) **Shibb** sits in his dark office watching out his door as she re-files her defilement, smoking French cigarettes and chuckling to himself. > > It’s a sickness, really. It’s stuff like this that makes me wonder why I even try. I couldn’t be that funny on my best day. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2004, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/99 "2004-09-16T12:59:39Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > I actually think I could make this stuff. You gotta’ come to my house to get it though. I need directions! I made, errr attempted to make a loaf of bread yesterday. I did not rise very well. The kids had no bread with their homemade chicken noodle soup last night. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2004, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232/100 "2004-09-16T13:04:45Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > Yeah, everyone knows **swampy** and deserts don’t mix, although he may want to dry out just a tad 'round about now. > > He should save room for dessert as well. > > \ > > Remember, you wouldn’t want two _deserts_, but might be happy to get two _desserts_. > > \ :eek: :smack: Please, please, please don’t tell the people I work for who think I’m a world-class proofreader! P.S. Love the poem! > [@Ex](#): > > The chicken-fried-steak-on-an-enormous-biscuit-with-cream-gravy sandwich recipe… Ooo!! Ooo! Can you post that one? Pretty please with a coffee can of sugar on it?? > [@Liss](#): > > Well, and finishing off Tad Williams’ Otherland series. so my eyes have gone all funny. All the books are 1000 pages long. I LOVED that series! The only bad thing was waiting for the next one. I loves me some 1000-page books! (Sorry, **Merrily** ) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-the-future-warning-very-much-blah-blah-blah/264232.md?page=6)