# I have seen what madness lies ahead, and it is pure, unadulterated stupidity. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 8, 2004, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574 "2004-09-08T01:02:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2004, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/21 "2004-09-08T13:02:37Z")
The mere fact that the Illuminati have not been mentioned here is proof that ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2004, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/22 "2004-09-08T13:26:35Z")
See if he thinks that the communists are putting flouride in the water to corrupt our precious bodily fluids. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/23 "2004-09-08T13:28:00Z")
> [@look!ninjas](#): > > See if he thinks that the communists are putting flouride in the water to corrupt our precious bodily fluids. This thread is about wild conspiracies, not proven facts. ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2004, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/24 "2004-09-08T13:39:11Z")
> [@Bren\_Cameron](#): > > Yes, actually. > > Where do the Rand Corporation and the reverse vampires fit into this? The Rand Corporation was originally established and funded by the Air Force in 1948 to provide strategic thinking, so was obviously involved in any SAC conspiracies as late as 1960. The reverse vampires who shun darkness, give blood and turn periodically into baseball bats instead of the regular kind, played a crucial role in crushing the World Series hopes of Boston in 1967 (though they still would have lost those games against Gibson), thus depressing New England voter turnout through 1968, giving Nixon the presidency. He in turn, appointed Supreme Court Justices Burger and Rehnquist (a savvy move, representing both sides of the political spectrum), who paid for the favor by burning the original and truthful version of the Warren Commission Report on the JFK assassination, which did not figure out who killed Kennedy but _did_, oddly, find out the truth about the Queen of England’s complicity in Marilyn Monroe’s murder. I really don’t mean to hijack this thread, which is about a serious subject, but it is a hell of a lot of fun. Still, if **Airman Doors, USAF** , asks me to, I’ll stop. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2004, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/25 "2004-09-08T13:40:46Z")
You fools! Don’t you realize that all this is just a disguise for the machinations of Chthulhu, who even now walks among us, in the guise of Wayne Newton? ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2004, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/26 "2004-09-08T14:07:10Z")
I’m with **lissener** here. Feed the paranoia. Ask a Junior Officer with a wicked sence of humor to listen to your fellow airman’s (hereafter refered to as “The Nutcase” or “The Stooge”) theories about the attacks on the Pentagon. At the end of the Nutcase’s presntation, the officer should say, “That’s very interesting. What else have you heard?” Keep the conversation steered to the pentagon, and always ask the follow up, “What else have you heard?” After it is firmly established the Nutcase does not know anything else, the officer should look visibly releived. That evening as the Nutcase heads home, the gate guard (if you can get to him to) should ask the Nutcase if he’s headed home and take a note of the answer. As soon as the Nutcase pulls away, but is still in sight of the booth, the gate guard should pick up a phone or his radio, and speak into it while watching the Nutcase’s car. With a little work, you could have this guy in the fetal position in a week. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2004, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/27 "2004-09-08T14:07:36Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Wait a minute. This guy thinks that the US Air Force destroyed a US passenger jet and launched a missile at the Pentagon, _and he’s a member of the Air Force himself_? Why the fuck did he join in the first place? Is he bucking for a slot in Evil Officer Training School? No, he just thinks his character is being played by Tom Cruise. Say, **Airman,** they don’t let this guy play with explosives, power tools, or heavy machinery, do they? ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2004, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/28 "2004-09-08T14:29:53Z")
That guy scares me. Some people really _will_ belive anything they’re told! ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2004, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/29 "2004-09-08T18:29:00Z")
> [@Maus Magill](#): > > With a little work, you could have this guy in the fetal position in a week. As opposed to the fecal position he’s in now? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2004, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/30 "2004-09-08T22:08:00Z")
What about the way that the US Navy shot down TWA flight 800? Does he believe that, too? And that JFK, jr. was forced to fly himself while tired,and then forced into the water? Hmm… oh yeah, ask him if he knows who burned down the school, too. (I want to make sure no one’s blabbed about it. 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2004, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/31 "2004-09-09T00:17:56Z")
Try to draw him out in front of other soldiers. A year or two of being regarded as a total tool may change his mind. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2004, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/32 "2004-09-09T01:32:06Z")
[QUOTE=Airman Doors, USAF] > [@](#): > > At this point I’m thinking that I’m dealing with a nutter here, so I decide to give him one last chance, and so I asked him if he thought the moon landing was a hoax. By now you should know the answer. :eek: [He may be right!](http://www.moontruth.com/) ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2004, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/33 "2004-09-09T14:17:53Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Wait, they have that now? Twenty years ago when I was thinking about enlisting they didn’t have that, so I didn’t join. And _now_ they have it? Why is that all the cool stuff either happens when I’m too young or too old to enjoy it? :mad: Think of it this way: you’re now the right age to join the Masons! Why bother with Evil Officer Training School when you can go straight to the Illuminati? ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2004, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/34 "2004-09-10T04:21:58Z")
**AirmanDoors** , I can say this, because yesterday I wore blue polyester to work. There are some strange fucked-up crazy people in the Air Force. I’ve met officers who are “libertarians” – except that it should be against the law to burn the flag, and nobody should be allowed to say bad things about the President while he’s in office. I will repeat, in case you missed it: “strange fucked-up crazy.” By the way, that silver braid in my cover? That’s the tinfoil poking out. As you were. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2004, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/35 "2004-09-10T10:58:24Z")
> [@The King of Soup](#): > > The Queen, as anyone who gets their news from pamphlets handed out in _airports_ (coincidence? I think not) knows, supplied the drugs used in disguising Monroe’s murder as a suicide. As for the Dillinger quintuplets (known to the world as the Dionne quintuplets but actually fathered by the bandit while hiding out in Canada in the months prior to his assassination for threatening to spill the connection between Hitler’s becoming chancellor of Germany and the Coney Island hot dog concession), besides being a little _too_ conspicuously right-handed, not to mention Canadian and perhaps among JFK’s many unknown mistresses, they all took dancing lessons in their youth and could have taught our fake “astronauts” how to take those long, bouncing leaps that made it _appear_ they were working under low-gravity conditions – essential to the moon hoax. [friendly arm round K of S’s shoulders] Son, your post count is low at the moment. But don’t worry about that. I want you to know, you _definitely_ have a future around here.[/fFriendly arm round K of S’s shoulders] ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2004, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/36 "2004-09-11T00:50:50Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > [friendly arm round K of S’s shoulders] Son, your post count is low at the moment. But don’t worry about that. I want you to know, you _definitely_ have a future around here.[/fFriendly arm round K of S’s shoulders] Thank you for the kind words. The low post count is intentional. I have vowed to keep the average down to less than one per day, on the theory that I don’t say worthwhile things any more often than that. The wife and kids have confirmed this. They’d also say that it’s cheating to make the posts as long as I generally do, but that’s congenital and not to be cured. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2004, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/37 "2004-09-11T02:01:21Z")
I’m not sure myself if it is the Illuminati, Cthulhu, Men In Black, or the Kingpin. I do regret not checking to see if there was an Evil NCO school back in my Army days. I mean, every Evil Officer probably needs an Evil NCO for a henchman 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2004, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/38 "2004-09-11T06:44:10Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > I do regret not checking to see if there was an Evil NCO school back in my Army days. I mean, every Evil Officer probably needs an Evil NCO for a henchman 😃 Don’t you mean every Evil NCO has an Evil Officer-in-training for a henchman? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/39 "2004-09-11T21:13:40Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Wait, they have that now? Twenty years ago when I was thinking about enlisting they didn’t have that, so I didn’t join. And _now_ they have it? Why is that all the cool stuff either happens when I’m too young or too old to enjoy it? :mad: Well, it is pretty tough to get in. You generally need an MOS in Frikkin’ Lasers just to be considered. ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2004, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574/40 "2004-09-12T07:17:02Z")
Well, no one ever said that _smart_ people applied to enter the military 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-seen-what-madness-lies-ahead-and-it-is-pure-unadulterated-stupidity/263574.md?page=3)