# I Have Serious Wolf-ass **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 17, 2001, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233 "2001-04-17T02:26:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2001, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/41 "2001-04-26T21:04:45Z")
we call it roast beef ass where i come from. asmodean is right. cooks get it often. cant think of how many times ive come home, gotten ready to go out with my wife, and turned around before i got a half a block because my roast beef ass hurt too much to walk. housepainters get it too. ---
**Author:** ![vebr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/eb8c5e/32.png) [@vebr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vebr)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2001, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/42 "2001-04-26T22:47:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*Everything turned out all right in the end. > > \*\* Aaaarrrghhh. I thought I was going to be alright. I thought I could avoid totally embarrASSing myself at work again. Oh, I’ve had tears in my eyes since I started reading this thread. I’ve made some odd choking noises, but I’ve avoided the howl. Then you - oh! Ungh. And now, my wolf-ass haiku: I love spicy food So I take it in the ass And then I eat more Thanks, I think… Vebr ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2001, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/43 "2001-04-26T22:49:31Z")
No, no, **Scylla** - it’s _good_ for you. But be careful if you don’t want to get sued… [U.S. Patent No. 6,117,877](http://www.delphion.com/details?&pn=US06117877__&s_all=1) covers treatment of hemorrhoids by a combination of capsaicin and lidocaine. A particularly memorable quote: > [@](#): > > A small amount of 0.075% capsaicin cream amount (about 5 mm of Zostrix® cream, as it comes from the tube) was applied to the anal area, reaching 1 cm past the external anal sphincter. The cream produced an intolerable burning sensation, relieved only by removing the cream and washing the area with copious amounts of water. The same amount of capsaicin cream was then combined with an equal amount of 5% lidocaine-prilocaine cream (EMLA® Cream), The burning sensation was present, but was tolerable. Finally, the same amount of capsaicin cream was combined with the above described doxazosin-lidocaine-sucralfate cream. The burning sensation was less than with the EMLA Cream, and was easily tolerated. ---
**Author:** ![Fletch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/919ad9/32.png) [@Fletch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fletch)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2001, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/44 "2001-04-26T22:50:58Z")
Scylla, you must try one of our local favorites. Whole, fresh, raw jalapenos, fire roasted on a grill until the outer skin wrinkles away and then eaten with chicarones (deep fried pork rinds) and washed down with ice cold cerveza. The peppers, pork rinds and beer are delicious but you chance getting what we call “Apocalypse Ass”, the feel of napalm in the morning. If you frequently eat fresh jalapenos you will eventually overcome the blow torch butt. The jalapeno flavored potato chips are fine but they lack the true flavor and enjoyment of real jalapenos. ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2001, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/45 "2001-04-26T23:01:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Revtim \* > \*\*Couple weeks back, I decide to make a couple sandwiches with pickled Habanero peppers. > > The next morning, while taking a very loose shit, my rectum burned so fiercely that I did not even recognize the phenonomenon for what it was. I was ready to call 911 because I imagine blood pouring from ass, from some heinous internal injury. > \*\* This is actually a tactic of mine. If you can make something _super-insane_ hot, it will be so hot coming out that it will actually feel more numb than anything else. I’ve been eating hot, hot, hot stuff for years now and I just recently figured this out. Instead of trying to turn down the heat a bit, turn it way up! ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2001, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/46 "2001-04-27T00:09:11Z")
Demo, it felt nothing CLOSE to numbness, unless your definition of numbness is “feels like you’re shitting out molten pig-iron”. Haikus on the subject is a pretty good idea: Ah, habaneros! what price for tasty hot treats? flaming anal pain. ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2001, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/47 "2001-04-27T04:00:58Z")
[Dave Barry Swipe] “Flaming Anal Pain” is a great title for a band. [/Dave Barry Swipe] ---
**Author:** ![Mort\_Furd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Mort\_Furd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mort_Furd)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2001, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/48 "2001-04-27T11:44:03Z")
\*\*OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Hahahahahahaaaaaaaa!!! Whooowhooowhhooo!!! AAAIIIEEEEEE!!! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! \*\* Cut it out already!! My guts hurt from laughing so hard, the guy I work with has locked himself into the other room in fear and my boss (whose office is in another building) is certainly wondering what in the hell all the noise is about. But(t) really folks, thanks for the laughs. I needed them. ---
**Author:** ![Mort\_Furd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Mort\_Furd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mort_Furd)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2001, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/49 "2001-04-27T12:21:38Z")
Just noticed: > [@](#): > > Fletch: > chicarones (deep fried pork rinds) Oh, Lord yes! Fried pork rinds, the hot, hot, HOT ones. Please, send me all you can. They don’t exist here in Germany. If you have an extra bag or two close to your computer, then please just push them through the modem and send them to me!!! PLEASE, I swear it works. Just push real hard. Here I sit with bowl in hand, drooling in anticipation. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2001, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/50 "2001-04-27T12:51:53Z")
My father, owner of one a\*\* known for its malodorous emissions and abundant noise due to vast consumption of grain beverages, swears by Tucks. The flaming a\*\* A cool swipe by the medicated pad Frosty relief (Be gentle, it’s my first haiku) ---
**Author:** ![Mort\_Furd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Mort\_Furd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mort_Furd)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2001, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/51 "2001-04-27T14:58:07Z")
Shit, shit shit. Mother fucking shit. Aw, fuck. Fuck in an ant hill by a slaughter house with thousands of bastard assed birds shitting on everything. God damn it. I sat here for hours waiting for someone to e-mail me some pork rinds. Nothing came. I waited and worked and worked and waited and got hungrier by the minute and ever more desperate for the taste of pork. Nothing. More nothing. Where in the HELL are my pork skins? Check the server. Mail server log: Incoming mail from the Straight Dope Message Board rejected. Unknown content, possible virus. File too large. Deleted. Shit, shit, shit. Son of a motherfucking, everloving, god dammned cock sucking, shit licking, lousy assed no good bitch. Fuck technology. ---
**Author:** ![Bartman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Bartman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bartman)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2001, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/52 "2001-04-27T15:10:13Z")
Well I’m with **Mort Furd** and **SilkyThreat** , reading this post should come with a warning. I imagine that the other people in my HPUX class are wondering why I find the /bootptab file to be so funny. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/53 "2001-04-28T00:42:50Z")
Is that Satan’s fist, hammering my nether-hole? No, habaneros. ---
**Author:** ![Mobius74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@Mobius74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mobius74)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/54 "2001-06-22T23:09:18Z")
If ya can’t stand the heat, what the devil are you doing eating stuff like that? Leave if for those of us who don’t suffer from wolfass no matter how capsaicin-loaded it is. ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/55 "2001-06-23T17:23:04Z")
Oh my Gawd! The Wolf-Ass thread is back! I didn’t think it would be quite so funny the second time around, but oh yeah, it WAS. Thanks be to the gods I am at home this time. Nobody to fetch the men in the white coats this…who’s that pulling up in my driveway??? This thread is definitely a keeper. AND a weeper!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/56 "2001-06-23T20:57:56Z")
I don’t understand what the complaint is here. For me the burning sensation is just an opportunity to enjoy my spicy meals twice! ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/57 "2001-06-23T22:00:08Z")
My ass hurts so bad. What did I consume last night? What was I thinking? ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/58 "2001-06-24T02:33:46Z")
A love note to Bear’s Pizza: When I lived in Bloomington, IN, there was a pizza joint called Bear’s that had a pizza called Dante’s Inferno-- hot italian sausage and many, many jalapenos, and I couldn’t get through more than 3 or so pieces, and damn it was good. To reiterate, it was DAMN good, and we could not resist ordering it every Sunday night. We would eat it and say “God, this pizza is SO DAMN GOOD!” each time, and each Monday morning life would be very very bad. But by the following Sunday for some reason our memories would have become diluted, so we would do it again. Finally, we kept a post-it note on the back of the bathroom door, facing the toilet: “‘God, this pizza is SO DAMN GOOD!’-- Brandon, June 3.” A jalapeno mori-- As you are now, I once was. As I am now, so shall you be. A haiku: Dante’s inferno. That pizza was so damn good. What was I thinking? ---
**Author:** ![celestina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@celestina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/celestina)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/59 "2001-06-24T04:31:11Z")
[celestina clutching her ass in horror after reading this thread] Well, good lord! I just have to say that every last one of y’all are CRAZY. Why in the hell would you eat these peppers when you know full well that when next you go sit on the toilet the shit coming out your ass will make the sun seem like the Arctic Zone? Seem to me like it’d only take one shit of ass-torture to make it sink in: Leave them peppers alone. Well I’m sure that went in one ear and straight out the other. Okay, I’m genuinely curious. I can’t eat spicy foods because they make me vomit. What’s so great about jalapenos and habaneros anyway? They can’t have much of a taste, and even if they did, how could you enjoy them when you’re busy trying to cut the heat with sugar or dairy or water or something? Do y’all just enjoy torching your alimentary canals on principle, or is there really something I’m missing here? ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233/60 "2001-06-24T06:00:56Z")
> [@](#): > > Especially if they take their peppers rectally. Now you tell me. :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-serious-wolf-ass/62233.md?page=4)