# I have to wonder, my friend, why is it OK to date your students? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 26, 2002, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832 "2002-04-26T19:04:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Yumanite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b487fb/32.png) [@Yumanite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumanite)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/21 "2002-04-27T19:38:51Z")
I imagine that there is a possibility that “power issues” may be something that appeals to this guy, as well as the girl in question. A domination/submission situation can be just the thing that attracts some people, and while it seems like it could be a recipe for disaster, I think that is their decision to make since they are both adults. Or it could be nothing of the sort. I think it’s not worth getting creeped out by unless you have any evidence that the potential power issues are causing her (or any of his past g.f.s) harm. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/22 "2002-04-28T04:51:45Z")
Just to throw a fly in the ointment regarding (possibly) why he’s dating former students: Maybe he’s somewhat shy, socially less than comfortable, not the most visually riveting presence in the nightclub, etc. Perhaps just going out and meeting people isn’t easy for him, and his students are perhaps the majority of people he ever gets a real chance to know to any significant extent. Since he’s teaching them over the course of a semester/year rather than just trying to pick them up in a bar, he’s got time to get comfortable enough around them for prosaic reasons so that asking them out is easier than getting a date from the general population. Just a thought. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/23 "2002-04-28T05:46:23Z")
Some collages are currently trying to iron out a policy about student/teacher relationships and expressing their “administrative disapproval” of such. ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/24 "2002-04-28T06:30:42Z")
A number of my professors here are happily married to former students, FWIW… ---
**Author:** ![kumaraka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e68b1a/32.png) [@kumaraka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kumaraka)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/25 "2002-04-28T12:47:31Z")
Post finals, I can’t imagine why there would be an ethical dillemma. I mean, maybe it’s pathetic that you don’t get out enough to meet girls out of the classroom, but other than that, I can’t think of one logical reason why it should be even the slightest bit unethical. Sometimes unusual things unsettle us, and we grasp at whatever we can to justify this. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/26 "2002-04-28T12:59:57Z")
Just for the record, **Astrogirl** was a student in the first class I ever taught in Korea… we’re doing fine! (although it was a somewhat different situation… it wasn’t a university, it was a private school. I had student both much younger AND much older than me…) Still, she usually asks me to grade her after sex… I always give her a B+ (can’t let her get too, um, cocky!).😛 ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/27 "2002-04-28T13:28:56Z")
I agree with **Dijon Warlock.** And the word “pathetic” rubs me the wrong way; not everybody can be Sam friggin’ Malone, okay?? (“Cheers” reference) ---
**Author:** ![kumaraka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e68b1a/32.png) [@kumaraka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kumaraka)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/28 "2002-04-28T13:34:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Neidhart \* > \*\*I agree with **Dijon Warlock.** > > And the word “pathetic” rubs me the wrong way; not everybody can be Sam friggin’ Malone, okay?? (“Cheers” reference) \*\* 1. I may have called it pathetic, but I was simultaneously brainstorming classes I could teach to pick up chicks. 2. My good friend’s first uncle is George Wendt! I met him, he’s totally cool! ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/29 "2002-04-28T14:08:52Z")
NORM!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/30 "2002-04-28T14:36:24Z")
“first uncle?” ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/31 "2002-04-28T17:05:25Z")
I’m in the same situation as **Astroby14**. The future **Mrs. Sublight** (we’re tying the knot this June) was one of my students. Granted, I don’t see much that can be called unethical in this case. It was an ungraded class, she was the only student, she’s older than me, and she was paying me to come to her house for lessons (I guess she figured sleeping with me was the cheaper option). ---
**Author:** ![kumaraka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e68b1a/32.png) [@kumaraka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kumaraka)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/33 "2002-04-28T17:51:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dr. Rieux \* > \*\*“first uncle?” \*\* sorry, was delriously sleepy when i posted that. first uncle = dad’s sister’s husband of 15 some years. ---
**Author:** ![Cargogal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/48db29/32.png) [@Cargogal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cargogal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/34 "2002-04-28T18:14:10Z")
I had always thought that my eventual error would be to post a Great Deabte that would turn into a BBQ, not vice versa. This is actually - gasp - an interesting discussion. **Sometimes unusual things unsettle us** … I’m hanging onto that quote. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kumaraka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e68b1a/32.png) [@kumaraka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kumaraka)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/35 "2002-04-28T18:35:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Potter \* > > If he can wait for finals, he can also wait for graduation, although I don’t really believe it can ever have a hope of being an ‘equal’ relationship as the power dynamic is skewed from the start. What would worry me is that there is a distinct possibility that this is the precise reason he is attracted to his (former) students. Sure, nothing illegal about that, but it’s hardly a basis for a healthy, adult, relationship. > \*\* Power dynamic schmower dynamic, women almost alwaysstart with all the power anyways. The way you describe it, NO relationship can be healthy! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Cargogal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/48db29/32.png) [@Cargogal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cargogal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/36 "2002-04-28T18:44:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kumaraka \* > **…women almost alwaysstart with all the power anyways…** Where does this happen??? Wherever it is, **I am moving there**. -Cargogal the Freakin’ Powerless. ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/37 "2002-04-28T19:14:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kumaraka \* > I mean, maybe it’s pathetic that you don’t get out enough to meet girls out of the classroom, but other than that, I can’t think of one logical reason why it should be even the slightest bit unethical. For starters, teachers should not see their students as a dating pool. > [@](#): > > Sometimes unusual things unsettle us, and we grasp at whatever we can to justify this. And sometimes we justify unusual behavior because it suits our prurient appetites. ---
**Author:** ![kumaraka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e68b1a/32.png) [@kumaraka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kumaraka)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/38 "2002-04-28T19:26:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cargogal \* > \*\* > > Where does this happen??? Wherever it is, **I am moving there**. > -Cargogal the Freakin’ Powerless. \*\* Have you heard of planet earth. It’s the third planet orbitting Solaris… big blue ball with one moon, can’t miss it! Hope to see ya around. ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/39 "2002-04-29T02:26:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cargogal \* > Where does this happen??? Wherever it is, **I am moving there**. > -Cargogal the Freakin’ Powerless. I’m with you, **Cargogal**! Where the fuck is this place where women possess all the power in a relationship? Must be in the _Land of the Bassackward_ on the _Planet of HellJustFrozeOver_. Ya know, right next door to Elvis, Kurt, and, Tupac’s house where they all live together in peace, love, and harmony singing Barry Manilow all day. ---
**Author:** ![Cargogal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/48db29/32.png) [@Cargogal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cargogal)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/40 "2002-04-29T02:30:20Z")
Thank goodness someone else feels the same way, **shrew**! I mean, for crying in the fucking night, I sometimes feel like everyone else is living in a world where they get flowers and candy, sex as often as they want, guys to pay for their dinners… I mean, I’m not Cindy Crawford, but I’m hardly ugly as sin. I want in!! Where are the guys who do nice shit for women??? ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832/41 "2002-04-29T02:45:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cargogal \* > Thank goodness someone else feels the same way, **shrew**! I mean, for crying in the fucking night, I sometimes feel like everyone else is living in a world where they get flowers and candy, sex as often as they want, guys to pay for their dinners… > > I mean, I’m not Cindy Crawford, but I’m hardly ugly as sin. > > I want in!! Where are the guys who do nice shit for women??? Well, I don’t want to turn this into a male bashing thread. (Actually I’d love to, but I respect too many of the men on this board to do that.) I will state the facts as I see them: 1. I have **never** received flowers. Some of my Special Education kids bought me a plant last semester, but I hardly think that counts. 2. I have only received candy from one boy, and I do mean boy. He’s 14, and I’m his teacher. It was VERY sweet. I have **never** celebrated Valentine’s Day. 3. Sex as often as I want? Pshaaaa. 4. Men paying for my dinners? Hell naw. I am, by the accounts of everyone I know, lovely. I hold a masters degree in English Education, a respectable job I love, and I’m absolutely charming, goddamnit. The only power I wield in my relationships with males is the power I am given by my position as their teacher. For this reason, I find the idea of a teacher dating a student, no matter the age, to be a bastardization of a truly sacred relationship. Teaching is a noble profession and should be treated as such. Students are not sexual fodder to be groped at a post final exam party. If there is any dignity left in the world, I must believe this to be true. Power in romantic circles? None, zilch, whatsoever. The only women I know who wield romantic power are the uberbitches that make men’s lives hell and subsequently make the rest of us look bad. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-have-to-wonder-my-friend-why-is-it-ok-to-date-your-students/105832.md?page=3)