# I haven't had sex in three years **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 25, 2013, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779 "2013-11-25T21:22:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2013, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/181 "2013-11-27T17:51:01Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I doubt the OP will find that particularly encouraging. Or the suggestion of approaching 1000 women - while it WOULD work - there is not 1 depressed person in 1000 that could do that. On the other hand - he has tried many anti depressants - not all. I went through over 10 (probably over 15 - but am being conservative) before I found one that worked. I don’t hear many people telling him to sack up and deal with it, but in his mind - nothing will work - and it really isn’t going to help if he isn’t willing to try NEW things. It is like telling someone with anorexia they aren’t fat and to start eating. While true and a solution to their problem - it isn’t a workable one to them. It isn’t possible for a anorexic to see themselves at thin without a lot of work. Some depressed people have no hope. I didn’t sometimes - and sometimes I couldn’t try anything either. There are depressed people that never get better and people that have been depressed for years that do. It is possible he might get better doing nothing, but unlikely. The difference between those that get better and those that don’t - IMHO - is the people that do are able to find SOMETHING they like and do SOMETHING. There is no way he is getting a girlfriend in his current state (well it is possible, but extremely unlikely) - approaching more women is only going to make him more depressed - and feed into a vicious cycle. It is possible he could have positive interactions with women, but he isn’t will to try - as he has tried everything and nothing works. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2013, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/182 "2013-11-27T19:16:44Z")
> [@SerafinaPekala](#): > > Charles or Marilyn ??? Both! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2013, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/183 "2013-11-27T19:42:43Z")
Go do things that have nothing to do with getting laid. Join a play, start a hobby, volunteer for a local nonprofit. _Do_ something. People who do things are interesting, and interesting people are attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2013, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/184 "2013-11-27T20:35:07Z")
> [@DataX](#): > > It is like telling someone with anorexia they aren’t fat and to start eating. While true and a solution to their problem - it isn’t a workable one to them. It isn’t possible for a anorexic to see themselves at thin without a lot of work. Some depressed people have no hope. I didn’t sometimes - and sometimes I couldn’t try anything either. The self-image stuff is important, but there are other factors, too. Sometimes we need knowledge as well as motivation; and the advice needs to be specific enough to be acted on. The dating world won’t always tell you the truth; it’s all codes and signals. Interpreting those is a skill that not everyone has. ---
**Author:** ![LinusK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@LinusK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LinusK)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/185 "2013-11-28T00:57:26Z")
Women like confidence and money, and men who aren’t depressed. Forget about them for a while and concentrate on getting ahead financially, and getting yourself right in the head. Depression is a serious disease. Talk therapy may not work, but there are medications that do. It sucks, because you may have to try several before you find one that works, and it takes weeks before they begin to have an effect. But they do work. If you have money, and you’re not depressed, and you get out of the house regularly, you will meet a girl, I promise you. Also, get a dog. If you want some cheering up, try this: [Confessions of a Reformed InCel | M3](http://whoism3.wordpress.com/2012/11/17/confessions-of-a-reformed-incel/) ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/186 "2013-11-28T05:34:44Z")
> [@LinusK](#): > > If you have money, and you’re not depressed, and you get out of the house regularly, you will meet a girl, I promise you. No one can really make that promise. Not to hijack or anything, but I’m reasonably well-to-do, I get out of the house, and I don’t think I’m depressed; still looking. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/187 "2013-11-28T08:12:20Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > Go do things that have nothing to do with getting laid. Join a play, start a hobby, volunteer for a local nonprofit. _Do_ something. People who do things are interesting, and interesting people are attractive. This. Join a club that does something you find enjoyable. You still won’t get laid, but you’ll be doing something you find enjoyable, and that helps compensate for not getting laid. Eventually custom, habit and dwindling testosterone will ensure that you don’t want sex as much any more, and you’ll still be in a club that does something you enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/188 "2013-11-28T08:58:36Z")
You know, OP… I asked a legit question upthread, and you ignored me. It’s my guess this is common for you. You don’t notice the females around you who do want to get to know you. Look around, there are very good women all around you. They are lonely too. Stop waiting for a 10. And stop looking for just pussy. Take a look around you. Seriously. They are RIGHT THERE. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/189 "2013-11-28T11:39:13Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > What kind of girls are you approaching? Try approaching some girls who might tend to be overlooked by other guys. Are you asking out overweight women? What about older women? > [@Jane\_Elliot](#): > > Have you tried heavier women? Less attractive women? Older women? There are tons of single women out there that aren’t looked at twice because they don’t fit the conventional standards of beauty but they will love you like mad because you saw to the real person underneath the shell. > [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > You know, OP… I asked a legit question upthread, and you ignored me. It’s my guess this is common for you. You don’t notice the females around you who do want to get to know you. Look around, there are very good women all around you. They are lonely too. Stop waiting for a 10. And stop looking for just pussy. Take a look around you. Seriously. They are RIGHT THERE. So there you have it. Try a fat plain older chick and see if you get lucky there! They’re pining for love (and don’t want to have to settle for a fat unattractive older man, because eww). > [@Procrustus](#): > > I spent three years married to my ex where I wasn’t getting laid much more than you are now. Things change. Yep, in time you might acquire a medical condition that will render the whole point moot. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/190 "2013-11-28T12:27:46Z")
Hey, don’t don’t be so quick to dismiss an older BBW. Some of us are hot. You should be so lucky. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/191 "2013-11-28T12:53:43Z")
Hey, I’ve spent my share of time on older fatter women (I’m sorry, I know what I mean by “beautiful” and the one does not imply the other in either looks or personality). I’m not saying they were all a dead loss but let’s not exaggerate how good they are either. You can be fat, unattractive and several years older and _still_ be just as whiny, neurotic and entitled as if you were a slim supermodel. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/192 "2013-11-28T13:04:12Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Hey, I’ve spent my share of time on older fatter women (I’m sorry, I know what I mean by “beautiful” and the one does not imply the other in either looks or personality). I’m not saying they were all a dead loss but let’s not exaggerate how good they are either. You can be fat, unattractive and several years older and _still_ be just as whiny, neurotic and entitled as if you were a slim supermodel. :dubious: If all the women in your life are bored and whiny, perhaps it’s you. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/193 "2013-11-28T13:17:04Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > This. Join a club that does something you find enjoyable. You still won’t get laid, but you’ll be doing something you find enjoyable, and that helps compensate for not getting laid. Eventually custom, habit and dwindling testosterone will ensure that you don’t want sex as much any more, and you’ll still be in a club that does something you enjoy. > [@Malacandra](#): > > Yep, in time you might acquire a medical condition that will render the whole point moot. > [@Malacandra](#): > > Hey, I’ve spent my share of time on older fatter women (I’m sorry, I know what I mean by “beautiful” and the one does not imply the other in either looks or personality). I’m not saying they were all a dead loss but let’s not exaggerate how good they are either. You can be fat, unattractive and several years older and _still_ be just as whiny, neurotic and entitled as if you were a slim supermodel. :dubious: You hopeless romantic. Don’t ever change! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/194 "2013-11-28T14:00:34Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > If all the women in your life are bored and whiny, perhaps it’s you. I know I am but what are you? But this whole “You should consider older fatter plain women” thing starts to look like the Nice Guy Lament in a skirt after a short while. 😛 > [@QuickSilver](#): > > You hopeless romantic. Don’t ever change! 😛 I fear it would be years too late for me to even consider it, and what would be the point? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/195 "2013-11-28T14:40:04Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > But this whole “You should consider older fatter plain women” thing starts to look like the Nice Guy Lament in a skirt I never said “older, fatter, plain.” I said “look around, women are everywhere.” As it happens, I am older and fatter. I am not plain. But I am out of your league. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/196 "2013-11-28T14:53:58Z")
> [@DataX](#): > > …[snip; in list of suggestions:] > 2) Fuck someone - pay for it. Ever heard of the “Theory of Reflexivity”? - well just do it… Although I agree with much of this post, except for its hectoring tone, I’d just like to comment on this. FTR, I have spent time (helpfully, life-savingly) more times that I can remember in hospitals for depression. And gone for years with a limp dick (_pre_ antidepressant medication, which often hinders either erection or (worse, in some ways) ejaculation. (Also, I’ve never heard of “The Theory of Reflexivity,” and don’t feel like looking it up.) Every time that I’ve gone to hookers has been, well, a complete waste of money, in fact, worse, because I just–incorrectly, mind you–chalked up another type of “failure,” to go along with the innumerable “failures” you lay on yourself (heh) when depressed. Non-depressed people, happily married with happy sex-life or not, horny singles, whoever: the act or attempt of having sex with a stranger _is_ its own thing. One’s emotional and physical response in different situations differs tremendously, including, of course, “standards.” Not all men will, or can, fuck mud. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/197 "2013-11-28T14:55:58Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > I never said “older, fatter, plain.” I said “look around, women are everywhere.” > > As it happens, I am older and fatter. I am not plain. But I am out of your league. I’m convinced - or at any rate I don’t mind you telling yourself whatever helps you to sleep at night, for it’s no skin off my nose - but the peanut gallery might want to see verifiable evidence that you are indeed all that and a big bag of chips. I mean, I’m an incorrigible old grouch, but my pic’s up on that site with the Doper mug-shots on it, and I have a degree, a professional qualification, and far from the worst musical talent around. If you want to go around telling yourself you’re out of reach of me and such as me, perhaps you might gain an insight into why there are a lot of lonely BBWs telling each other that men are only interested in dating 10s. ---
**Author:** ![LinusK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@LinusK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LinusK)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/198 "2013-11-28T16:44:39Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > No one can really make that promise. Not to hijack or anything, but I’m reasonably well-to-do, I get out of the house, and I don’t think I’m depressed; still looking. You may be right. Do you have a dog? ---
**Author:** ![LinusK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@LinusK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LinusK)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/199 "2013-11-28T16:46:14Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > This. Join a club that does something you find enjoyable. You still won’t get laid, but you’ll be doing something you find enjoyable, and that helps compensate for not getting laid. Eventually custom, habit and dwindling testosterone will ensure that you don’t want sex as much any more, and you’ll still be in a club that does something you enjoy. Also, anti-depressants often suppress sex drive, and that helps too. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/200 "2013-11-28T21:43:25Z")
> [@LinusK](#): > > Do you have a dog? No. Truth be told, I’m more of a cat person. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779.md?page=11)