# I haven't had sex in three years **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 25, 2013, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779 "2013-11-25T21:22:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/41 "2013-11-25T22:23:43Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > Because they’ll always say something like “just go up to a girl and do it! It’s not hard!” It isn’t helpful advice. It just makes me feel worse because if it’s not hard, then why do I keep screwing it up? Tell us what you’ve been doing proactively to remedy the situation and perhaps people can offer advice on what you’re doing wrong or should be doing. Knowing how attractive you are (physically, personality-wise, financially) would also help but I would understand if you weren’t comfortable with disclosing that information. I don’t know anything about you but maybe there’s something you need to improve about yourself in order to become more attractive to women. “I can’t get laid, poor me” is simply going make you an easy target for derision. As you may have noticed. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/42 "2013-11-25T22:25:38Z")
Wellllll, I’ll tell a little story about something that improved my sex life dramatically. I was in a Freshman dorm at a big U, 60 guys on my wing, a couple with girlfriends back home, a couple with girlfriends at the U, and the rest of us. And the one fricking brilliant guy. This was a serious school with lots of smart people, but this guy was head and shoulders above everyone, and everyone knew it, without him having to prove it. The brilliant guy was also a cool guy, with more records (that’s what we had back then) than just about everyone else put together, and he knew them all, and they included stuff the rest of us had never heard of. And brilliant, so he could talk intelligently on a wide variety of topics. He was ordinary looking, with an overbite. No particular magnetism or charm, but he got lucky a lot. Well, a lot of the guys on the wing would snicker at what he brought home. They weren’t supermodels, that’s for sure. But I noticed that each had something interesting or cute or sexy or _something_ about her. Meanwhile, the rest of us were waiting for Ms. Divine, and going without. I confess it took a while for the lesson to sink in, but I learned to look for the beauty rather than the flaws. My love life improved dramatically after that. Not only did I have some great relationships with fascinating and sexy women, I found that prettier women began to be attracted to me. Good luck. Don’t give up. But most of all, don’t give up on the possibility of finding more beauty and intrigue in the world than you happen to see right now. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/43 "2013-11-25T22:26:15Z")
Do you think it would be possible to get out of your own head for the space of a conversation? Give yourself permission to fail at having a conversation and just do it. Chat with them about something. Ask questions about a subject they’re interested in. Don’t worry about getting a number, Just learn to feel comfortable navigating small talk. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Pinkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jesse\_Pinkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Pinkman)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/44 "2013-11-25T22:31:13Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > Tell us what you’ve been doing proactively to remedy the situation and perhaps people can offer advice on what you’re doing wrong or should be doing. > > Knowing how attractive you are (physically, personality-wise, financially) would also help but I would understand if you weren’t comfortable with disclosing that information. I don’t know anything about you but maybe there’s something you need to improve about yourself in order to become more attractive to women. > > “I can’t get laid, poor me” is simply going make you an easy target for derision. As you may have noticed. I don’t know, just trying to put myself out there like everyone else and meet some women. Of course, the older I get the harder that is to do. As for attractiveness, I really don’t know. I’m really tall (6’5) but I hate how my face looks. It makes me look like I’m only 19. My personality is fine, I’m generally a little slow to open up to others but a lot of people say that I’m a nice person. Yeah there’s people out there that don’t like me, but that’s true about anyone. As for money, well that’s a little lacking at the moment since I’m still recovering from a layoff and the subsequent period of unemployment, but it’s certainly not an actual problem worth worrying about. Anyway I’m sorry, I don’t want to turn this into a pityfest and I don’t mean to annoy anyone. Hell I even appreciate the people cracking jokes because they remind me that I’m kind of being a bitch. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/45 "2013-11-25T22:35:29Z")
Have you tried growing a beard? Not like a mountain man but just a little chin beard or something like a chin strap but a little thicker? A beard like that which is also neatly trimmed makes a guy look a little older and adds a hint of gravitas. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/46 "2013-11-25T22:35:47Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > …if it’s not hard, then why do I keep screwing it up? Well, obviously you’re NOT screwing it up… _crickets_ (alternate version—maybe it’s _BECAUSE_ it’s not hard) **angry crickets** OK, sorry. EVERYONE SCREWS IT UP! Really! Trust me! Don’t trust me? Well, I can’t blame you. But the sense that _you_ are doing something wrong in struggling with something everyone after Adam struggled with seems to be an issue that you should be dealing with first and foremost. Guys—and, to a lesser extent—girls, deal with this shit. A gay friend told me he felt stupid after coming out because he couldn’t get a BF, since the bars were full of fags (his words, not mine). Don’t assume the whole world is doing nothing but getting laid all the time. Some are, but that doesn’t mean they’re happy. Some aren’t but that doesn’t mean they’re not. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/47 "2013-11-25T22:43:17Z")
I’m not surprised about your friend. In my experience, there’s no difficulty finding someone who wants to screw around but it’s much harder to find someone who wants to pop some popcorn and cuddle on the couch with a blanket on Thursday night. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/48 "2013-11-25T22:50:11Z")
You really should read the thread **Senagoid** linked to. Lots of really good stuff in there. And as was suggested, read the OP then read yours and you’ll see a big difference in how the Dopers react to the two. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/49 "2013-11-25T22:50:52Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > And I’m only 26. > > Lack of sex has made me lose my drive or desire to do anything in life. Hey, the whole meaning is to procreate and have children, but if no girl ever wants to do that with me regardless of what I do, then why bother? > > They say “it happens when you stop trying,” but that’s clearly bullshit. I’m pretty sure I told you not to take up with my ex-wife. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Pinkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jesse\_Pinkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Pinkman)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/50 "2013-11-25T22:51:55Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > I’m not surprised about your friend. In my experience, there’s no difficulty finding someone who wants to screw around but it’s much harder to find someone who wants to pop some popcorn and cuddle on the couch with a blanket on Thursday night. Well I can’t seem to find someone who wants to screw around either. ---
**Author:** ![Subterraneanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Subterraneanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subterraneanus)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/51 "2013-11-25T22:57:21Z")
Lay off the meth, bitch. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/52 "2013-11-25T22:58:40Z")
Sorry, that was within the context of being gay. If you don’t mind having sex with a dude, I can guarantee you, at 6’5", there are hordes of men who would jump at the chance to have sex with you. ---
**Author:** ![Subterraneanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Subterraneanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subterraneanus)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/53 "2013-11-25T23:01:04Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Sorry, that was within the context of being gay. If you don’t mind having sex with a dude, I can guarantee you, at 6’5", there are hordes of men who would jump at the chance to have sex with you. Indeed, they’d have to jump. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/54 "2013-11-25T23:02:30Z")
Have you tried approaching any Promiscuity Girls? ---
**Author:** ![Grapefruit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@Grapefruit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grapefruit)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/55 "2013-11-25T23:15:18Z")
Don’t use coupons on a first date! Seriously, though, fake it until you make it. By “it”, I mean confidence. I think that’s what your friends mean by just do it. And if you find your inner voice whining “But I caaaaaan’t!” counter that with “Why not?” and if you think about it, all the answers you’ll come up with to that last question is just bullshit. Just fake it and go. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Pinkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jesse\_Pinkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Pinkman)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/56 "2013-11-25T23:16:38Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Have you tried approaching any Promiscuity Girls? I would, but I graduated college already. ---
**Author:** ![Longshanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Longshanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Longshanks)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/57 "2013-11-25T23:38:21Z")
Get a hooker to lift your spirits. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Pinkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jesse\_Pinkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Pinkman)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/58 "2013-11-25T23:42:15Z")
> [@Longshanks](#): > > Get a hooker to lift your spirits. I’d probably find a way to screw that up as well. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/59 "2013-11-25T23:52:04Z")
What kind of girls are you approaching? Try approaching some girls who might tend to be overlooked by other guys. Are you asking out overweight women? What about older women? These are two groups of women who often are treated as if they are invisible by guys, so you might find that they will give you a chance. A lot of times you can find a hidden gem this way. My husband was overlooked by many other girls - I suspect because he was in a low-paying job until I met him. Money does matter to a lot of girls - and your financial problems _might_ be a factor in why it’s been hard to get women’s attention lately. Another thing to keep in mind: You’re only 26. You still have a lot of time to find someone, and in fact I think your odds will only get better and better as time goes on. As I mentioned above, older women tend to have a much harder time in the dating pool, because the supply of decent, available guys is lower as they age. The older you get, the more women you will have to choose from. There’s no reason to give up hope this early on. If you keep trying, it’s pretty much inevitable that you will find someone. ---
**Author:** ![Longshanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Longshanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Longshanks)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/60 "2013-11-25T23:52:10Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > I’d probably find a way to screw that up as well. Try auto-fellatio.😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779.md?page=4)