# I haven't had sex in three years **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 25, 2013, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779 "2013-11-25T21:22:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/61 "2013-11-25T23:53:49Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > B. Well I certainly can’t raise a kid alone… Sure you can. I know several single fathers. They’re all damn fine parents. ---
**Author:** ![tonyfop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/85f322/32.png) [@tonyfop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tonyfop)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/62 "2013-11-25T23:57:19Z")
So, what do you do in your spare time? What interests do you have? Being only 5’2" (157 cm) tall, I wasn’t exactly a chick magnet in college. I found a couple of groups to join, both of which had very diverse memberships. I hung out and had fun with my friends, and still mostly struck out. Several years after I left college, I went to a national convention of one of the groups, because I knew that many of my friends were going. Met my wife, and have been married for almost 15 years. Before I met her, I had never dated anyone for more than a month. TLdr version: Put yourself in a situation where you can be yourself in a mixed group, and let women see who you are, without any hard sell. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/63 "2013-11-26T00:05:18Z")
You said yourself that you’re only 26. You have plenty of time. Men can still have children in their nineties and beyond, as long as they’re still alive. And even if you want a partner your own age, women your age still have a quarter century to go. And, of course, if it’s just sex you want, not reproduction, neither half of the species has any upper limit on that. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/64 "2013-11-26T00:10:53Z")
Whoever told you to just relax and it will happen was lying. You have to make the effort. Find something you are interested in, and do that. That way, you have something to talk about with the women you will meet. It has to be something that is done with other people in the room, not online gaming and stuff like that. Practice being spontaneous. Have three or four jokes (not dirty ones, not one-liners) ready and then walk up to someone who looks interesting and say “Wanna trade with me?” Then when they say anything besides “go away or I will call the cops” you say “I will trade jokes with you. I’ll go first”. Then you tell your joke, and they will have to tell one back - it is a social expectation. Then - and this is important - have a follow up question ready to get them talking, preferably about something you find interesting. “Let’s trade again. You tell me what did you do for Christmas when you were growing up, and then I will tell you.” You are fishing for things she will tell you about yourself that you can talk about. So you actually have to listen to what she says. You will fail at least 65% of the time. That’s good, because you will not fail 35% of the time. From that 35% you select the ones you want to pursue, or at least talk to until her friends show up and then you can try it on them. Then you do NOT say “Can I get your number so I can call you sometime?” You say “I am going to see the National Cow Tipping Championships next Saturday - would you like to come with me?” (Or whatever, but it must be a specific date, not “go out with me sometime”.) If she says No, and you are interested in her, keep talking to her for a while and ask again. If she still says No, then say “It was nice to talk with you” and move on. Dating is a percentage game. Hit on everything that moves, and sooner or later you come up lucky. Any plan is better than no plan. And simply telling yourself that you can’t get laid is not a plan. Regards, Shodan PS - I haven’t picked up a woman in thirty five years, so this advice is probably worth every penny you paid for it. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/65 "2013-11-26T00:17:48Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > **Jesse Pinkman** , welcome to the BSDL (BullShit Doubletalk and Lies) Message Board! > > With all due compassion for your involuntarily celibate condition – Did you come here seeking a suggestions toward a workable solution, or just seeking sympathy? Or both? > > I’m going to guess there that you’ve tried as best you can to get both, from your useless so-called friends or wherever you could. And having failed at that, you’ve found this message board and are trying for advice-and-sympathy here now. > > But instead, scorn and derision and contempt you get. Welcome to society. Or maybe it’s just American society. It’s not just this message board. Wherever you go (I’m guessing I’m not telling you the news here), men who want a love life (which is most men) but who can’t get it, for whatever reason, are treated with scorn, contempt, and derision. This message board (usually) reflects that, and is no exception. > > If you poke around the threads here, you’ll find other similar threads with similar results. Men who complain of their failure with the ladies are just automatically assumed to be jerks or “Nice Guys™” and are met with hostility, torches, and pitchforks. Exceptions to this are vanishingly rare, even among the enlightened community here. > > For a rare exception, a thread where an involuntarily celibate dude got a friendly and sympathetic reception, right here on the BSDL Message Board, check out [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=669915) from about a year ago. One challenge you might think about: See if you can detect what about that OP allowed him to get a more compassionate response than the usual hostile responses that are more the norm here. Well put. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/66 "2013-11-26T00:30:44Z")
Self-confidence is key. You don’t have to be good-looking, smart, fit, rich, or even nice to get someone to sleep with you. Desperation is a huge turn off. ---
**Author:** ![andiebus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5a626/32.png) [@andiebus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andiebus)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/67 "2013-11-26T00:39:02Z")
Hey Jesse, I don’t think that the whole point of sex is procreation…what then are homosexuals doing ? If you relax about it and keep an open mind ,things will change for you. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/68 "2013-11-26T01:55:18Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Why are you asking us when you should be asking them? Ding ding! Winner. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/69 "2013-11-26T02:21:00Z")
1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. 2. Stop apologizing for every single piece of minutia you think _may have_ offended someone. 3.) Cut down on your masturbation habits. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/70 "2013-11-26T02:56:30Z")
Before I opened this thread, I thought Jesse was a girl. I’m thinking, “Geez, well she’s just not tryin then!” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/71 "2013-11-26T03:02:31Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > I don’t know, just trying to put myself out there like everyone else and meet some women. Of course, the older I get the harder that is to do. > > As for attractiveness, I really don’t know. I’m really tall (6’5) but I hate how my face looks. It makes me look like I’m only 19. My personality is fine, I’m generally a little slow to open up to others but a lot of people say that I’m a nice person. Yeah there’s people out there that don’t like me, but that’s true about anyone. As for money, well that’s a little lacking at the moment since I’m still recovering from a layoff and the subsequent period of unemployment, but it’s certainly not an actual problem worth worrying about. > > Anyway I’m sorry, I don’t want to turn this into a pityfest and I don’t mean to annoy anyone. Hell I even appreciate the people cracking jokes because they remind me that I’m kind of being a bitch. Sounds like you should probably find work before you worry about sex or women in general. If you thought it was hard getting laid before, try it while being unemployed. Though I do know a guy that’s capable of doing that, he knows how to talk to women and his family’s loaded. That doesn’t sound like you. After that join, a kickball league. At least in the DC area, that seems like a good way for young working people to make friends and find partners. A friend of mine actually got married last year to someone he met at kickball. Or the equivalent of kickball in your neighborhood if there is one. In one sentence - find work, go where you can meet people (preferably the same people on more than one occasion) be confident and interesting and so on. Hell you’re tall, a lot of women like tall guys. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/72 "2013-11-26T03:37:53Z")
Hire a professional. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/73 "2013-11-26T03:52:40Z")
So what are you looking for? Sex? Or a relationship? If all you want is casual sex, there are rumors that you can hire people for that. If you want a woman in your life, that’s a different question. You say your friends are no help. But what are they telling you? Tell us about the last girl you approached. What happened? And what about the girl from three years ago? If you want a useful answer, you need to give us some information to work with. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/74 "2013-11-26T03:58:58Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > So what are you looking for? Sex? Or a relationship? If all you want is casual sex, there are rumors that you can hire people for that. I hate this advice and wish people would stop giving it. I’m not sure if this is meant to be a snark or what. Anyway, the difference between two people who genuinely want to get laid and a guy paying some cynical whore money for sex, is so far apart, it’s ridiculous to make that comparison. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/75 "2013-11-26T04:06:05Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > Tell us about the last girl you approached. What happened? And what about the girl from three years ago? If you want a useful answer, you need to give us some information to work with. Yeah, what is your typical M.O. for approaching girls? Can you give an example? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/76 "2013-11-26T05:13:16Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > What kind of girls are you approaching? Try approaching some girls who might tend to be overlooked by other guys. Are you asking out overweight women? What about older women? These are two groups of women who often are treated as if they are invisible by guys, so you might find that they will give you a chance. Overlooked? Invisible? HA! I’m both older AND overweight, and I’m constantly telling guys in their 20s to take a hike. Same is true for my friends. Don’t for a second think you’re doing us a favor by offering to stick your dick in us. ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/77 "2013-11-26T05:16:46Z")
Originally Posted by SerafinaPekala View Post A. Why not quitcherbitchin and take matters into your own hands. B. There are enough orphans in the world. We dont need more progeny. Adopt some if you feel compelled to be a father. Or get a dog. > [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > A. Like I haven’t already tried. > > B. Well I certainly can’t raise a kid alone… So…you’re saying you even mess it up when you try to take into you own hands? Dude, this is some serious fucking-up you got going on here. I think I can help you with this part. Next time don’t just grab it and start hammering away. Come on, what’s that say about your level of respect for your wiener? Who wants to be treated like that. What you do is go out to a movie or something (a play, concert, gotta be something going on), dress up a little. A suit and tie isn’t necessary but you could change out of those 12 day old jeans, maybe dockers and a dress shirt. Depending on where you live (you want a warmish night) pick something close enough to walk to. Talk to yourself, doesn’t have to earth shatteringly brilliant but you of all people should know what interests you. Yeah, walk down the street telling your pecker about all the good women you’re going to bring it, that should bring out enough response to keep the conversation going. When you get back turn on some music, have a drink, get out the expensive lotion and for christ’s sake go to one of your pay sites. You can save the free porn sites for when your doing a slut penis that has no standards. Hope this helps. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/78 "2013-11-26T06:16:11Z")
> [@SandyHook](#): > > Yeah, walk down the street telling your pecker about all the good women you’re going to bring it, that should bring out enough response to keep the conversation going. You know that thing they do on _The Simpsons_ where Homer says something, and then the camera pans up and his brain talks back to him? Please don’t become a writer on _The Simpsons_. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Pinkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jesse\_Pinkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Pinkman)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/79 "2013-11-26T08:12:00Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Yeah, what is your typical M.O. for approaching girls? Can you give an example? I don’t really bother trying anymore. When you haven’t gotten a different result in three years, what’s the point? ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Pinkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jesse\_Pinkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Pinkman)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779/80 "2013-11-26T08:13:01Z")
> [@SandyHook](#): > > Originally Posted by SerafinaPekala View Post > A. Why not quitcherbitchin and take matters into your own hands. > > B. There are enough orphans in the world. We dont need more progeny. Adopt some if you feel compelled to be a father. Or get a dog. > > So…you’re saying you even mess it up when you try to take into you own hands? Dude, this is some serious fucking-up you got going on here. > > I think I can help you with this part. Next time don’t just grab it and start hammering away. Come on, what’s that say about your level of respect for your wiener? Who wants to be treated like that. What you do is go out to a movie or something (a play, concert, gotta be something going on), dress up a little. A suit and tie isn’t necessary but you could change out of those 12 day old jeans, maybe dockers and a dress shirt. Depending on where you live (you want a warmish night) pick something close enough to walk to. Talk to yourself, doesn’t have to earth shatteringly brilliant but you of all people should know what interests you. Yeah, walk down the street telling your pecker about all the good women you’re going to bring it, that should bring out enough response to keep the conversation going. When you get back turn on some music, have a drink, get out the expensive lotion and for christ’s sake go to one of your pay sites. You can save the free porn sites for when your doing a slut penis that has no standards. > Hope this helps. It doesn’t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-havent-had-sex-in-three-years/674779.md?page=5)