# I hereby announce my candidacy... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 19, 2004, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123 "2004-03-19T01:40:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/41 "2004-03-22T19:48:26Z")
Presidential candidate **Polycarp** and myself will need to confer over this new revelation. In the meantime, I’ll be stumping in San Diego for the forseeable future. That is all. Vote Straight Dope! Esprix, Vee Pee ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/42 "2004-03-29T16:40:36Z")
Wow. Vice president for 11 days, and I’m nowhere to be seen. Clearly, my tenure in office will be described as “Cheney-like”. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/43 "2004-03-29T16:47:44Z")
How’s your cholesterol? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/44 "2004-03-29T17:58:17Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Wow. Vice president for 11 days, and I’m nowhere to be seen. Clearly, my tenure in office will be described as “Cheney-like”. We haven’t even been _elected_ yet. If anything, your tenure will be described as Dewey-like. > [@Jaade](#): > > Oh yoo hoo…are there any good cabinent positions left? I’d be happy to vote for someone who can at least admit their faults! I believe the office of Director of the Bureau of Bubblegum, Coffee and Biscuits is still open. > [@AngelicGemma](#): > > I hope it pays well. I have huge students loans to re pay. Actually, it’s unpaid, but the book deals you’ll get afterward… > [@tangochick](#): > > I humbly offer my services as dance instructor for the White House. No, please, I shall not require pay for all I care about is expanding horizons and bringing beauty to this sometimes dark world we live in today. I could _definitely_ use some help in that area. I can groove if nobody is looking, but give me an audience and my legs go all rubbery. > [@](#): > > RanchothI’d like to be named Secretary for Punctuation Abuse. Agreed, and I’ll throw in Agriculture too. > [@dwalin](#): > > Can I be your Secretary of Non-Cultural Trivia? I know all sorts of useless scientific and mathematical and literal\* facts! Absolutely not. You have a W in your name. > [@If6was9](#): > > So… does this mean I can be the Minister of… Keeping It Real? This Administration currently has no “keeping it real” policy. In effect, we shall have a no-policy policy. In keeping with the philosophy of inverse relevance, then, we’re going to make you Secretary of Keeping It Real and elevate you to the Cabinet. We’re even going to give you a budget and keys to the executive washroom, because, like they say, the less you plan on doing about something the more you must _talk_ about doing it. ---
**Author:** ![Genghis\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/45deac/32.png) [@Genghis\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genghis_Bob)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/45 "2004-03-29T19:29:17Z")
Allow me to introduce myself, and to offer my services as ambassador to **Castle Anthrax.** ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/46 "2004-03-29T20:20:29Z")
[24 Sussex Drive - Home of the Canadian Prime Minister](http://www.ftlcomm.com/ensign/editorials/LTE/thornton/pmNamericans/sussex.jpg) In case people were seriously wondering 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/47 "2004-03-29T21:44:41Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > How’s your cholesterol? None of your business, hippie! If you think I’m gonna tell you personal information like where I am, who I’m meeting with, or whether or not I’m having a heart attack right now, you’ve got another think coming. Hippie! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/48 "2004-04-16T02:36:35Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > None of your business, hippie! If you think I’m gonna tell you personal information like where I am, who I’m meeting with, or whether or not I’m having a heart attack right now, you’ve got another think coming. Hippie! Yes, we can definitely use somebody with your skills. ---
**Author:** ![zoog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7ea924/32.png) [@zoog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoog)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/49 "2004-04-16T04:09:21Z")
I hate to rain on this parade, but (at the risk of getting this moved to Great Debates)… Isn’t **Really Not All That Bright** already the president? Oh, what the hell. Count me in. Can I have a position that gets lots of bribes? ---
**Author:** ![BellaDellaItalia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BellaDellaItalia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellaDellaItalia)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/50 "2004-04-16T04:16:44Z")
You have my vote. Give me any job; beggars can’t be choosers I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![YoudNeverGuess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a587f6/32.png) [@YoudNeverGuess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YoudNeverGuess)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/51 "2004-04-16T13:11:06Z")
> [@mnemosyne](#): > > [24 Sussex Drive - Home of the Canadian Prime Minister](http://www.ftlcomm.com/ensign/editorials/LTE/thornton/pmNamericans/sussex.jpg) > In case people were seriously wondering 😛 looks pretty nice. Anyway I can’t vote for you but if you’re giving any jobs to foreigners I’d like to be Court Jester (they really should reinstate that office) or failing that I don’t mind being Official Dog-Walker (as long as I get an Official Pooper-Scooper assistant to carry out the dirty work, ahem…) ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/52 "2004-04-16T17:19:02Z")
> [@zoog](#): > > I hate to rain on this parade, but (at the risk of getting this moved to Great Debates)… > > Isn’t **Really Not All That Bright** already the president? > > Oh, what the hell. Count me in. Can I have a position that gets lots of bribes? Want to be the new Karl Rove? You don’t have to _do_ anything, you just sit behind me while I’m giving speeches and look brooding and string-pulling-y. That way, when I do Bad Things ™, everyone will think you made me do them. > [@BellaDellaItalia](#): > > You have my vote. Give me any job; beggars can’t be choosers I suppose. Secretary of Offense it is. **YoudNeverGuess** - wanna be First Lady? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/53 "2004-04-16T22:56:39Z")
> [@Really Not All That Bright](#): > > Absolutely not. You have a W in your name. Humph! In that case, can I be the Secretary of W And Related Letters? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/54 "2004-04-17T06:34:26Z")
> [@dwalin](#): > > Humph! In that case, can I be the Secretary of W And Related Letters? I suppose so. Um… what’s related to W? U? ---
**Author:** ![BellaDellaItalia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BellaDellaItalia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellaDellaItalia)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/55 "2004-04-17T19:42:52Z")
U is W’s second cousin, but they’re not speaking. Something about W posing as a vowel. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/56 "2004-04-18T03:24:19Z")
_waves hand_ I’m in. What job can I have? I can make some mean desserts and… I can pop my shoulder blade out 4 inches. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/57 "2004-04-18T03:35:17Z")
> [@BellaDellaItalia](#): > > U is W’s second cousin, but they’re not speaking. Something about W posing as a vowel. Okay, you’re my new speechwriter. That was _brilliant_. > [@flamingbananas](#): > > _waves hand_ I’m in. What job can I have? I can make some mean desserts and… I can pop my shoulder blade out 4 inches. I think you have to be 18 to hold an Executive Branch post… but screw that. You can be Secretary of Cakes And Other Tasty Stuff, and maybe we’ll work in some kind of double-jointedness awareness program for you to head up. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/58 "2004-04-18T03:42:41Z")
Rockin’! I’m Secretary of Cakes and other Tasty Stuff! Oh and I have friends that can bend over backwards and fold in half, and can bend their thumb all the way back so it touches the joint, so the Double-Jointedness Awareness Program will work out fine. In the mean time, I’ll make brownies. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/59 "2004-04-18T03:49:50Z")
> [@flamingbananas](#): > > Rockin’! I’m Secretary of Cakes and other Tasty Stuff! Oh and I have friends that can bend over backwards and fold in half, and can bend their thumb all the way back so it touches the joint, so the Double-Jointedness Awareness Program will work out fine. In the mean time, I’ll make brownies. Your first task is to change your location in the user CP. The one you’ve got now is just _too_ disturbing. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-announce-my-candidacy/235123/60 "2004-04-18T03:58:03Z")
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