# I hereby tender my candidacy, and initiate my campaign for the Presidency of the United States. **URL:** \ **Category:** Politics & Elections\ **Created:** [January 20, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145 "2012-01-20T16:54:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2012, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/21 "2012-01-20T23:40:44Z")
The whole wife thing is a deal breaker. Hot, married guys are useless to me. Even if they’re the president. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2012, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/22 "2012-01-20T23:46:48Z")
How do you propose to handle the whole national championship issue in college football? ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2012, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/23 "2012-01-20T23:48:45Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > I indiacted I had reasonable expectations But can you spell, Mr. Quayle? 😃 (d&r) ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2012, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/24 "2012-01-20T23:50:59Z")
> [@Surly\_Chick](#): > > The whole wife thing is a deal breaker. Hot, married guys are useless to me. Even if they’re the president. I’m not married. Just sayin’… > [@Oakminster](#): > > How do you propose to handle the whole national championship issue in college football? Uh-oh. Religious question. :: ducks to avoid the shrapnel going overhead :: ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/25 "2012-01-21T00:17:51Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > How do you propose to handle the whole national championship issue in college football? Good question. Being that I don’t watch football, I wasn’t even aware this was an issue. Frankly, with one war drawing down and closing, and another one still going on; an economy that’s still tanked; protesters still occupying land demanding redress to the abuses of corporations; internet idiocy by the Congress; trade imbalances on imported goods with a majority of our debt held by the Chinese; maintenance of massive exports of wheat and corn while trying to remove high-fructose corn syrup from just about everyone’s diet; a rampant mass media that would rather spend time/money reporting on salacious topics than actual news; and that my NJ Devils aren’t doing so well this year (comparatively); I’m going to do what every good stateman/stateswoman should do–focus. I’m going to stay out of it, let the leagues fail, remind fans that corporations have ruined athletics with overendorsements and sales (diverting attention from the true purpose–sports!) and let the fans vote with their dollars elsewhere. What **is** the issue with the national championship? > [@picunurse](#): > > But can you spell, Mr. Quayle? 😃 > (d&r) Can you use it in a sentence? Oh, you just did. ‘Mr. Quayle.’: M-i-s-t-e-r Q-u-a-y-l-e. Tripler Seriously, aren’t there like 18 college football leagues? ---
**Author:** ![I\_Know\_Nothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@I\_Know\_Nothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Know_Nothing)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/26 "2012-01-21T01:20:47Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > c) Do you include blow jobs in the category of “sexual relations.” Now that you mention it… What is your definition of the word is? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/27 "2012-01-21T02:37:32Z")
You’ve got my vote! I’ll do anything to subvert the 2-party system. I’d feel better writing you in than Stephen Colbert. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/28 "2012-01-21T03:42:20Z")
I don’t have a question. I just want to see how else you sign your name if people keep talking. -D/a ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/29 "2012-01-21T04:33:29Z")
Too bad I don’t know your name to write it in, I’d vote for you. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/30 "2012-01-21T06:42:26Z")
I’ll vote for you. I’ll campaign for you. But… Only if you have a dog & a cat and they get to eat better than you. I also need your platform plank on what you are going to do about people who do not take care of their animals. We are good on the weapons stuff. We are good on the intwarwebs stuff. What about road repair in Michigan? ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/31 "2012-01-21T09:02:06Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > You’ve got my vote! I’ll do anything to subvert the 2-party system. I’d feel better writing you in than Stephen Colbert. How do you know how Stephen would feel about writing him in? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/32 "2012-01-21T10:23:00Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > How do you know how Stephen would feel about writing him in? :dubious: I’d feel better writing in the OP than I would feel writing in Stephen Colbert. Sorry for the ambiguity. ---
**Author:** ![Kiber](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kiber/32/317_2.png) [@Kiber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiber)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/33 "2012-01-21T15:38:28Z")
Is your effective tax rate \<15%? ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/34 "2012-01-21T15:40:47Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > You’ve got my vote! I’ll do anything to subvert the 2-party system. I’d feel better writing you in than Stephen Colbert. > [@rachelellogram](#): > > I’d feel better writing in the OP than I would feel writing in Stephen Colbert. Sorry for the ambiguity. If Colbert and I were to engage in a debate, I think we’d meet along some of the same lines. Now, he’s more outspoken and such, but my debating style is more Leslie Nielsen like. > [@Baker](#): > > Too bad I don’t know your name to write it in, I’d vote for you. PM me. I’ll send it to you. > [@GusNSpot](#): > > I’ll vote for you. > I’ll campaign for you. > > But… > > Only if you have a dog & a cat and they get to eat better than you. > > I also need your platform plank on what you are going to do about people who do not take care of their animals. > > We are good on the weapons stuff. > > We are good on the intwarwebs stuff. > > What about road repair in Michigan? I don’t have a dog (yet), but three cats. They do eat damn well, and get plenty of toys and boxes to play with. Two of them (brothers) are allowed to curl up and lay on me at night. It’s a win-win situation: I keep warm, and they keep cozy. It’s also part of my Green Earth initiative–using less power for electric blankets, and more cat-heat power. People who do not take care of their animals will have them confiscated and adopted out. I realize this will cost money, so I’m willing to cut back on nuclear weapons maintenance for one month to fund the initiative. (Do you realize how much it costs to maintain a W87?) We’re good on the weapons stuff. We’re goon inthe Intarwebs stuff. Road repair in Michigan, I would call for a Congressional inquiry into just _where[ does_ all that US DOT money go? We pay millions a year for road repair, yet nothing seems to get fixed–I believe overhead’s soaking up the money, which can help us A) trim governmental fat, and B) get the roads fixed for an appropriate cost. Let’s find out where our dollars are going, and then I’ll promise you a corrective action! Tripler Good talk, good talk. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/35 "2012-01-21T15:43:08Z")
> [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](#): > > I don’t have a question. I just want to see how else you sign your name if people keep talking. > > -D/a I see! Welcome to the Presidential stumping. Tripler Well played, **Dig**. . . well played. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/36 "2012-01-21T18:51:03Z")
> [@I\_Know\_Nothing](#): > > Now that you mention it… > > What is your definition of the word is? Depends on who’s doing the interrogation. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/37 "2012-01-21T19:46:55Z")
**Tripler** don’t sell yourself short - you are a damn fine second choice. IMO many American voters should look to you as their first choice. ---
**Author:** ![Kiber](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kiber/32/317_2.png) [@Kiber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiber)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/38 "2012-01-21T22:52:54Z")
Well - you are clearly my first third choice. Or my 3rd first choice? OK - I’m a little confused. But you’re definitely one of my choices. Although you’re starting to sound like a bank (5th 3rd, or 3rd 1st, or whatever . . . ) ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/39 "2012-01-22T04:05:54Z")
> [@Typo\_Knig](#): > > **Tripler** don’t sell yourself short - you are a damn fine second choice. IMO many American voters should look to you as their first choice. I take that as the highest compliment! Thanks! And seriously, should I be elected to the Presidency or any other office–I’ll remember that I owe it to y’all who put me there. > [@Kiber](#): > > Well - you are clearly my first third choice. Or my 3rd first choice? OK - I’m a little confused. But you’re definitely one of my choices. Although you’re starting to sound like a bank (5th 3rd, or 3rd 1st, or whatever . . . ) I will _not_ be running under the Fifth Thirds party, or the First National Candidate for the Presidency. I had considered running alongside Jimmy McMillan, but my take on it was too long: “The Rent is Moderately Priced for this Neighborhood, but Subject to the Whims of a Crappy Landlord and an Even Worse Bank,” doesn’t fit on a business card all that well. Tripler I’m more of like a, “WTF D.C.?” Presidential Candidate. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145/40 "2012-01-22T04:32:14Z")
So, they’re going to elect you King? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hereby-tender-my-candidacy-and-initiate-my-campaign-for-the-presidency-of-the-united-states/610145.md?page=3)