# I hope you guys are okay with another Doper baby joining us... \[sad update\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 9, 2012, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187 "2012-09-09T12:47:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![shantih](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@shantih](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shantih)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/61 "2012-10-11T13:35:16Z")
I’m so sorry. What an awful time for you. Be really, really gentle with yourself as long as you need to be. I had a miscarriage myself between my kids, and of all my friends who have had children, I think only one has never experienced a miscarriage. Mourn this loss (and that of your grandmother; I’m so sorry about that as well) but look ahead to a happier time. I hope that isn’t far away for you! ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/62 "2012-10-11T14:01:37Z")
Oh, Antigen, I’m so sorry. I think we forget just how many things must go right in order to conceive, carry, and give birth to a healthy baby. They really are miracles. My fingers are crossed that you get a miracle for your very own. ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/63 "2012-10-11T15:13:53Z")
So sorry, Antigen. Your experience sounds much like ours with our first miscarriage. We went in for our first visit at 8 weeks and the ultrasound couldn’t find anything. I sobbed for days, we had found out right before Christmas and of COURSE I had told both families, what’s a better present than a new baby? It was also a blighted ovum. I did have a D&C, testing of the remains showed we had a triploidy (a rare situation when 2 sperm fertilize the egg). The D&C was hard mentally, but easy physically. I had a spontaneous miscarriage the next two times. The second, I was a little farther along and it was painful - terrible cramps and passing large clots. I thought the D&C was a gentler option (for me, anyway). The third time, I had just gotten the positive pregnancy test and it was like a heavy period, sad but not painful. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/64 "2012-10-11T16:18:38Z")
I’m sorry for your lossES. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/65 "2012-10-11T16:41:32Z")
Another Doper who’s been through that exact thing checking in. It sucks. It’s awful. There really is no upside, so go ahead and mourn. And then try again. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/66 "2012-10-11T16:48:59Z")
Oh Antigen, I’m so sorry. I’ve also experienced three miscarriages, and when you wrote “I already loved ths baby so much” tears sprang to my eyes. Don’t stop loving your little bud, and don’t think that the love is wasted - love never is. I picture your Grandmother holding a little one and heading toward the next adventure. Hugs and warm thoughts your way as you walk through so much pain. {{{{{{Antigen}}}}}} ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/67 "2012-10-11T16:52:34Z")
That sucks. I lost my first pregnancy around the same gestation as you and was pretty crushed. But, two weeks later to the day, and much to my midwife’s amazement, I conceived my amazing little guy who will be turning ONE YEAR OLD next Friday. Keep your chin up, your whole world could turn around on a dime. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/68 "2012-10-11T17:06:36Z")
Hang in there, **Antigen**. When this happened to us, I was surprised to learn how common it is, but it’s something no one ever talks about. Let yourself grieve, and don’t rush to get back on the fertility train. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/69 "2012-10-11T19:30:19Z")
> [@Antigen](#): > > Every single “I’m sorry for your loss” coming from my friends and coworkers makes me cry so much harder because of my other loss that they don’t know about. I’m so sorry, **Antigen**. I know the whole “don’t tell anyone till 12 weeks, just in case” thing is there for a reason, but it does mean it sucks big time when something goes wrong in the 12 weeks and you can’t confide in your friends, have to act like everything’s fine, and generally don’t get the sympathy you could really, really do with. _ahem_ Apologies, that was a longwinded way of saying I’ve been there too and feel for you, I lost one two months ago (ectopic preg). ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/70 "2012-10-11T21:35:32Z")
My nurse practitioner called to say that my numbers, which should be going down if my body’s taking care of it properly, are creeping up. She said that means this will take a while, especially because I’m not passing big pieces yet (how wonderful does that sound!). She told me that in this type of situation, a miscarriage can take up to three weeks of cramping and bleeding, then a couple weeks of spotting. I’ll be seeing the doc tomorrow to discuss D&C and what’s involved. So my options are to tough it out for weeks and not know when the worst is going to hit, or to schedule a D&C. Which would happen next week. On Monday or Tuesday. And Tuesday’s my birthday. Can you guys please join me in a hearty “Fuck You” to whoever decided this was something I needed to handle right now? ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/71 "2012-10-11T21:41:06Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I picture your Grandmother holding a little one and heading toward the next adventure. Thank you for this. I know what songs she’d be humming for the baby, too. ---
**Author:** ![shantih](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@shantih](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shantih)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/72 "2012-10-11T21:44:52Z")
Oh, honey. I wish this were all cleanly over for you already. I can say that I had a D&C after my miscarriage (or as I called it afterwards, a C, since I was already dilated) and it was a great big nothing of an experience. I don’t remember any physical discomfort at any point, which is pretty telling, since I am a wimp of the very highest degree. Every experience is different, I hasten to add. This is all so hard, and all so much all at once, but you will handle it. You will get through it. It’s all going to be better someday. It will. I promise. ---
**Author:** ![Hockeyshrink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4491bb/32.png) [@Hockeyshrink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockeyshrink)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/73 "2012-10-11T22:32:19Z")
After telling me my embryo was no longer viable, my wonderful OBGYN suggested a D&C. He explained a “natural” miscarriage could take up to a month, and because of my hormone levels there could be complications. Then he said that he could schedule me for a D&C the very next day. I couldn’t stand the thought of possibly waiting a month, so I grabbed the next day surgery option. From the time I checked in, everyone from the anesthesiologist to the nursing staff was incredibly warm and supportive. I wore my favorite knee high striped socks to keep my feet cozy, and when I came to in the recovery room a nurse gave me a chocolate truffle and held me while I cried. The next few days were a blur of crying and crazy hormone swings, but I was (and still am) glad I had the D&C. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/74 "2012-10-11T22:38:35Z")
> [@Hockeyshrink](#): > > After telling me my embryo was no longer viable, my wonderful OBGYN suggested a D&C. He explained a “natural” miscarriage could take up to a month, and because of my hormone levels there could be complications. Then he said that he could schedule me for a D&C the very next day. That’s exactly my situation. So at least I know they’re not making stuff up to push me towards an invasive procedure. At this point though, it looks like they wouldn’t schedule me till Monday at the earliest, and I’m in enough pain that I’m not sure I can hold out that long. I guess they don’t do it on weekends. I’m going to tough it out, though, because I know that going to the ER won’t help a whole lot. Maybe the doc I see tomorrow morning can give me something for pain. My _back_ has cramps - WTF? > [@Hockeyshrink](#): > > I wore my favorite knee high striped socks to keep my feet cozy, and when I came to in the recovery room a nurse gave me a chocolate truffle and held me while I cried. That made me smile. I will buy myself some lucky socks for the procedure. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/75 "2012-10-11T23:50:07Z")
> [@Antigen](#): > > Never mind. It didn’t stick. That’ll teach me to get all excited. > ☹ > > Wasn’t sure if I should update here or start a new thread, but I don’t have it in me right now to come up with a whole OP to go with the update. If this bump is bad form, I apologize. I’m so sorry. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/76 "2012-10-11T23:58:25Z")
Sorry to hear the news, **Antigen**. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/77 "2012-10-12T14:24:03Z")
I can’t imagine going through the physical pain for a whole month, and I see nothing to be gained by that. Don’t be shocked though (as I was) when they ask you to sign a form acknowledging that the procedure will end your pregnancy. You know, and the Doctor knows that already happened, it’s just the lawyers who tend to be uncklear about it. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/78 "2012-10-12T15:28:43Z")
Very sorry to hear the bad news. ---
**Author:** ![Sally\_Mander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e56c9b/32.png) [@Sally\_Mander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sally_Mander)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/79 "2012-10-12T16:37:25Z")
I’m so sorry, **Antigen**. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187/80 "2012-10-12T19:09:02Z")
I’m so sorry. My wife went through two miscarriages, so we know something about what it’s like. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-hope-you-guys-are-okay-with-another-doper-baby-joining-us-sad-update/634187.md?page=5)